Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
In an act of nihilism I have deleted my old self-summary to make
way for a brand new shiny one made of chocolate.
I am a human living in a world of humans. I am pretty empirical
about most things but I can't prove it. I get my kicks from my
boots. I am pretty bad at writing these this as I tend to fall back
on bad jokes and broken puns.
In general I am never truly happy with what I produce as I always
strive for perfection, and have been known to delete entire photo
albums/ profiles/ songs halfway through completion. If you are
reading this then you probably won't be reading it in another week
This self promotion really isn't my cup of chai.
When I'm not saving the universe from alien mutant samurai robots I
can usually be found hugging a banjo or a bass guitar in the hopes
that someone somewhere will think I have talent and offer me money
for my comfort blanket of a hobby.
I used to have really long hair until one day I decided not to any
I own a monkey outfit and wearing it can take over my personality
(like Venom or Carnage from Spiderman)
I am a huge geek (although my profile picture makes me look more
like a football thug).
I always have to fall sleep facing the outside of the bed
regardless of which side I am on. Thus I am a spoonee rather than a
I get very concerned that I do not use commas correctly (any people
with a qualification in English are welcome to send me a message
Favourite drinks are (alphabetically): bourbon, coffee, Real ale,
red wine, the tears of my vanquished battle opponents.
I know what a homophone is (There is a secret society of people.
Their function is to use homophones in every conversation they're
I think that's enough for now.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Working in a major international law firm as a guitarist (and Excel
monkey, but they had a band...)
Learning the science of swordplay (HEMA)
Fixing computers/ data/ peoples ignorance of Excel & fuses
Making music or learning new fun (but ultimately useless)
Anything that breaks the tedium.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Odd sense of humour, odd taste in music and general oddities.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Anything by Neil Gaiman or Terry Pratchett but will read pretty
much anything someone recommends to me. The same is true for films.
I love anything cerebral, funny or anything I can spend an escapist
few hours on. I have recently developed a love of cooking, but tend
to go for the 'throw things into the pan until it either starts to
smell edible or combusts'.
I rarely watch TV. Anything that interests me I will watch online
or invest the money in a DVD boxed set. Of these shows I own:
Six Feet Under
Numerous stand up comics
The Walking Dead (now stolen from me)
As far as music goes I have a wide range of tastes but tend to
obsess over one band at a time. I am into everything from heavy
metal to bluegrass, folk to industrial and everything in between.
Recently cultivated my love of Hip Hop so I'm gonna throw Kendrick
Lamar and Foreign Beggars in for good measure. Got a slight weak
spot for Lil Dickie too.
Once again I have rekindled my love with graphic novels (or comics
if you want me to own up to being sad). Garth Ennis and Warren
Ellis are my constant bedfellows. I read Transmetropolitan at least
twice a year and to date have spent over £100 on The Boys (if you
haven't already then check it out. Violence, sex, superheroes and a
dog that fucks everything and anything on command).
Next in my list is Preacher (now read. Arseface is both tragic and
I recently played a game of DnD and ended up accidentally loving
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My book collection
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Linguistics and etymology
Whatever skill or project or subject I will throw myself into next
(currently horse riding, teaching and cleaning)
Remembering to breathe
Why the hell I'm on a dating site when I can't stand most
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Same thing I do every night Pinky, try to take over the world...
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I will profess to not dance, but will if pushed. On your own head
be it if you take advantage of this.
I have a fear of custard (but have a perfectly valid reason)
I get strangely hungry when I watch zombie movies.
When I was a child at the Chinese/ Moscow state circus I refused to
eat the red coloured popcorn because I thought someone fell in the
I have Tourettes.
I had beautiful hair until I cut it off. I have my reasons...
I own a Dethklok T-Shirt that I had imported from China (air miles,
I know, but I simply had to have it).
I used to be in Sea Scouts and wear a ridiculous hat every
All of the above is true (except for the alien mutant samurai
robots. Technically they are cyborgs...)
This list is scarily morbid and extensive.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You got my homophone joke.
You can sing/ play an interesting instrument and want to lay down
You know how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could
chuck wood (for the sake of argument we'll call it a European
You have anything amusing/ surreal to share.
You want to sell me your eternal soul.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.