Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
When life gives you lemons, find some vodka because, well lemons
make a great garnish! (What, that's NOT how it goes? )
*INSERT WITTY COMMENT HERE*
Blah blah blah witty banter funny comment laugh hysterically more
blah blah yackety schmackety tell a timely political joke!
Okay, you've made it this far...
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
What, I can't say ***CENSORED***???
Son of a ***CENSORED***!
Since all the cool stuff I do is censored, like ***CENSORED*** and
***CENSORED***, I will say that I am currently working in
I co-host and executive produce a radio show, am working to sell a
couple TV show concepts (that I also hope to work) and am writing
screenplays. Do what you like, right?
My past jobs are as far from what I'm doing now as can be.
In September I'll be working as an Associate Producer on a studio
feature film to be released in theaters in 2016 as well as on a TV
series as a studio liaison.
In my past lives I was a network admin and a cop.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
...filling these things out.
*INSERT X-RATED BUT COMICALLY APPROPRIATE COMMENT HERE*
I also know the difference between "two/too/to" and
"their/there/they're". I've also been known to get "your/you're"
correct on occasion.
I'm also a fairly decent cook when it comes to things like comfort
foods. I also have no fear diving into a cookbook and tearing it up
in the kitchen.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The straightjacket. They ALWAYS notice the straightjacket! And why
shouldn't they? It's by Joseph Abboud and it fits PERFECTLY! It's
comfortable, the fit is well (and quite adjustable) and yet it
restricts movement without binding in all the wrong places!
They also usually notice my "escorts". (Seriously, they're just
there to make sure I don't hurt myself or try to escape. They're
really a nice couple of guys!)
They also notice my inappropriate sense of humor (under control
MOST times, so you CAN take me out in public without TOO much fear
My friends say I'm the guy that makes Howard Stern blush.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I'll see whatever my parole officer lets me see.
I am willing to admit that I DO watch TV (those who cry that TV is
a wasteland of the mind and soul yet watch movies are hypocrites
trying to seem more intelligent and/or who don't know what's on
That said, I cannot stand Honey Boo Boo. Seriously, WTF?!?
I keep up on current events and hope you are, too.
I am into politics, but if you're left-leaning I suggest you look
elsewhere unless you enjoy spirited debate.
As for books I am currently reading Red Cell (Richard Marcinko's
autobiography) Save The Cat, and Catching Salinger.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) Bail money.
2) A good excuse that fits any situation.
3) Cake. (Who doesn't like a good cake?)
4) An alibi. (Would you be mine?)
5) Oxygen. (I think EVERYONE needs a little of that.)
6) More bail money.
1) My family.
2) My friends.
3) My dog. Yeah, I said it.
4) Money. What? I need money to pay for stuff! At least I am honest
about it! And if money cannot buy happiness I guess I'll have to
rent it! (Wait, that's not what I meant. Get your mind outta the
5) GOOD food. Not just some gutfiller, but a unique and amazing
6) Back rubs.
7) Dark Chocolate
8) More Dark Chocolate...honeycomb.
Oh, and I have a weakness for fried chicken.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
...the same thing we do EVERY night, Pinky, trying to take over the
(Bonus points if you understand the reference)
In September 2015 I will begin working as an Associate Producer
(A.P.) on a feature film as well as a studio liaison on a TV series
so I spend time thinking about that.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Trying to figure a way out of the asylum. Also doing a weekly talk
radio show that happens to be on world-wide every Friday from
5-7PM. It's fun, cathartic, and lets me really let twisted-fun
sense of humor out of its cage.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
If I told you it would no longer be private, now would it!
Okay, here goes...
One time, in my youth...I actually paid money to see a Steven
Seagal movie in theaters! There, I said it! (I am so
Actually, my secrets are so secret that even *I* don't know
them-only the NSA does.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You haven't run away screaming by now.
Also, if you voted for Obama, then you probably SHOULDN'T message
BONUS-You love Christmas as much as I do!
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