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CuriousUmbrella

34 F New Hope, PA

My Details

Last Online
Aug 23, 2013
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
Skinny
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Not at all
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Taurus, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Entertainment / Media
Income
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but wants them
Pets
Has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Ancient Greek (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
I'm mind-bogglingly fun to be with. I give little kisses like it's raining. I have too much empathy and it does me no darn good.

I've lived with someone for the last six years, through various levels and manifestations of commitment and monogamy. He's moving out in about a month, so I'm not really looking for anything serious here, though I'm keeping an open mind.

I'm a librarian.

I have a lot of books. I read most of the time. And draw. I like to make myself sneeze. I don't like to kill bugs. I pick my nose and eat the boogers. Yes, I really do eat the boogers. Not that I do this ostentatiously or in public, but still. Heads up. I've been doing it my entire life and will probably never stop.

I don't drink. Stop asking me if I want to go get a drink.

I am a junk magnet. I once left my Brooklyn apartment with nothing but a homemade bag, a homemade dress, a homemade wallet, and a sketchbook. When I returned six months later, it was in a VW bus full of stuff. It's not something I feel I can control. I collect cat whiskers. (That's them.)

I can be a little mean, but it's actually just a defense mechanism and I secretly feel guilty later. Also it's that 'ruthlessly honest / someone had to say it' kind of mean, so it's hilarious anyway.

As I get older I'm starting to observe more and more that the things other people care about are often different than the stuff I feel like talking about:

Them: Politics / Music
Me: Local history / Antique medical equipment

I have a moderate amount of tattoos, but probably won't be getting many more.

I sort of vacillate between wanting to punch people in the face and pet their hair. Please don't talk to me about books you've read or movies you've seen unless you've actually read or seen them.

I am empathetic, irritable, and self-deprecating.
What I’m doing with my life
I have an undergraduate degree in comic books, but I am extremely, extremely picky about the ones I like and probably won't be able to talk nerdy to you about them.

My day goes like this: Get up. Feed screaming cat. Drive to work. Archive, research and write about history. Drive home. Locate and consume something weird. Maybe pull up a floorboard. Read in bed for many hours. Sleep. Repeat.

In my perfect magic storybook land, this is what I would do:

• Move somewhere very rural, with rivers and mountains
• Live in a big old house with hardwood floors
• Make a baby somehow
• Find my perfect partner

... And eventually the perfect partner would move out there. This is what they would be like:

• Someone I can tell everything to, and they would never be upset by it
• Love me for who I am, which includes being slightly crazy
• Self-confident
• Content
• Mindful and observant
• Excited and enthusiastic
• Handsome!

... And we would live there somehow, and always have food, and be warm. We'd have incredible adventures and raise an amazing child and we'd get older, and never stop learning, and making things, and being really, really ... happy.
I’m really good at
Finding things to be happy about. Drawing. Etymology. Rhyming. Empathy. Making myself sneeze. Photoshop. Crossword puzzles. Selling things on eBay. Coaxing printers and photocopiers to work properly. Climbing. And, oddly, catching things that fall suddenly.

In relation, someone messaged me and asked how I started collecting antique medical equipment. This is how: When I was 19 I typed 'vagina' into eBay's search field. An item came up with the title "VINTAGE VAGINA MEDICAL TOOL BABY PULLER!" I clicked in fascination and it turned out to be a pair of shiny steel forceps. So I bought them. That was the first time.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm not sure. Possibly that I've tried to look as normal as possible and, once again, failed pathetically. Then I disarm them with my deadly charm.

I'm fairly skinny, but I have a nice big butt. (See photos.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books:
1. Specimen Days, by Michael Cunningham
2. The Secret History, by Donna Tartt
3. The Time Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Neffenegger

I'm usually reading two at a time. Those up there have been my top three for a year or two. I thought Geek Love was overrated. Circus Freaks = Neat. Fictional book featuring some freaks = Not necessarily neat. Along the same lines: One Chuck Palahniuk book = Fun. The same book rewritten a million times with various 'edgy' plotlines = Redundant.

Movies:
1. O Brother Where Art Thou
2. American Beauty
3. Harold and Maude

I am the only person on Earth who doesn't like Wes Anderson. I think his movies are pretentious.

Music:
1. Leonard Cohen
2. Oingo Boingo
3. Hope For Agoldensummer

My secret shame: Though I do love certain songs to a fault, I'd rather sit in silence than listen to music. I don't go berserk over it.

Food:
1. Burritos
2. Mangoes
3. Curry

After I eat curry, my armpits will smell like it for up to a week!
The six things I could never do without
I hate this question. I'm so tempted to say stupid shit like, "Air! Har har!"

1. Books
2. Physical affection
3. Praise
4. Nature
5. My cat, Malady
6. Paper
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Advertising and how creepy it is.

Money.

Eating.

Whether or not my cat is okay.

Boxes.

The fact that everyone knows twelve times twelve equals 144 because it was the highest number in that little chart in the back of your marble notebook in elementary school.

Sunken ships with everything inside preserved perfectly on the shelves.

How to rhyme the lyrics of current songs with new words to make the song as hilarious as possible. (My current blue-ribbon winner is making Prince's 'Raspberry Beret' into a song about Farenheit 451 The title? 'Bradbury Flambé'.)

Paper
On a typical Friday night I am
Reading in bed and/ or making out with someone.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have no sense of privacy. I mean, I'll respect yours as soon as your parameters are set, but meanwhile I'll be talking about my poo.

Okay, I wrote this thing about the sex I like the most, and sex in general:

I've had sex with a lot of people. I'm turned on by / get off on a lot of predictable and probably not-so-unusual things. Specifically as possible:

• Tall tattooed fellows
• Struggle
• The sound a knife makes when it opens

Conversely, I'm not into the BDSM 'lifestyle', don't want to get trussed up to a cross, or led around on a leash. I'm not going to call you 'Master' or let you eat dinner off my butt (unless you're ShawnSPC). I just want to be overpowered and then assaulted. I will fight back and try to get away (but I'll be secretly disappointed if I actually do).

I keep adding to this. This time it's to state that yes, I do like crazy sex. This doesn't mean I'm here wanking frantically in front of the monitor, waiting for people whom I have nothing in common with to message me. If you don't, and you do, I'm going to take a hilarious screencap and post it on various online photo-hosting sites. Make sure you have something to say beyond "want to watch me [sic] penis?". Yes, that was a real IM. And yes, I posted it on the Internet.

Also, cuddling and making fun of TV is nice. I will laugh gleefully and grab you in a giant hug at all the best parts.

If you just want to see me naked and not have to pretend you're interested in talking with me, I'd suggest going here and searing for 'Oubliette'.
I’m looking for
  • Guys and girls who like bi girls
  • Ages 25–46
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You know the difference between "your" and "you're" and you know why the apostrophe goes in "it's" but not "its".

or

You're the imaginary person I described in the 'What I'm doing with my life' section.

or

You want to say threatening and sexually-charged things quietly in my ear with your Irish accent. And not because you're good at imitations. Because you actually have one.

or

You're that redheaded guy from Mythbusters. Adam Savage.

or

You just sort of feel like it.