Observation: nearly everyone THINKS they are good kissers. Sad truth is, most of them are wrong. Which needn't be a problem, if they're willing to hear that there's an issue without taking offense, *&* willing to learn. But how do you ask, without risking hurt feelings?
Yes, I'm well aware this is _REALLY_ *monkey-f@&king* LONG!
But if you're looking for someone you might be spending a lot of intimate time with, don't you want to know a fair bit about them first? I do. And really, it's not too badly written, even if brevity and I are barely acquainted... ;-)
I should say, in the interest of full disclosure: I do not currently have the beard part of the face fur, but I'm open to growing it back - or shaving the mustache off - at some point.
I have been forced to the sad conclusion that many (though not all) of the women I find most interesting on OKC are unlikely to be interestED *in me*. They want someone younger, taller, better able to join them in activities my health puts limits on, someone who can afford to take them to really nice places, etc... Or someone who looks/acts less typically male than I, or is actually bi. I am very attracted, for example, to a lot of queer/bi women (some straight ones, too) on OKC who specify they're not interested in any guy who isn't gender-ambiguous &/or bi. ::sigh::
Certainly not giving up, though. I am, if you'll forgive the immodesty, a very worthwhile person - I just need to find those people who are able to see & appreciate it.
I can no longer ignore the fact that I am definitively middle aged (born 9/10/61), even though it is not at all unreasonable for me to expect (given my genetics & ongoing advances in medicine) that, despite my existing health issues, I well might live past 100.
And, y'know, other than physically, I simply don't *feel* middle-aged (let alone old) - and have no intention of doing so any time soon. Whatever my calendar says, I insist on keeping the youthfulness in my soul (because, without it, I'm not sure you have one anymore).
And I find myself really wanting more play in my life as time goes on (I see no reason why passing years should diminish my spirit, and I believe play - sexual or otherwise - to be sacred & healing).
- General goofiness - cooking together - kissing for a long while for the sheer joy of it (or because it's leading up to/part of really hot sex - I'm good either way) - friendly sex (Friends With Benefits - & yes, dammit, that DOES require actually being friends: sex-only is a fuckbuddy or a booty call [which is also fine, but different], not a friend). - Talking late into the night about the nature of love or justice - or just whether the next movie by (fill in favorite star or director here) or book by (fill in favorite writer) or music release by (fill in favorite musical artist) will be a good one - laughing at the world (so we won't cry or throw bombs) - singing together with, or singing to, or being sung to by, or reading to you - planning how we'll take over the world - & all sorts of things.
I want new "special friends," and I also want to fall madly (yet appropriately & healthily) in love again.
Especially that last. But don't let that scare you off - anything from occasional playmates (the aforementioned fuckbuddy/booty calls), to FWB's, to strong secondary relationships, to potential co-partners are all wanted.
Hell, just to avoid confusion (& missed opportunities), let me make it clear that I'm open to entirely nonsexual friendships, too - they're just not the main focus of my being on OKC.
It's simply that I'd just feel particularly blessed if, somewhere in all that, some fabulous lady (or decidedly/determinedly unladylike, but currently anatomically female, person) & I would find that particular extra spark that takes it from "Wow, you're a cool person to date, hang out with, & play with" to that extra-special "Dear Gods - I think I could drown in your eyes..." twitterpation.
Pure, occasional playmates - very cool.
Good to great friends who also like to play together - even better (just fine w/o the play, too, but again, not my focus here).
People I love/care for, & think of as lovers/girlfriends, but falling somewhere between the previous & following paragraphs - also fabulous.
Ass-over-teakettle, goo-goo-eyed, your-chest-hurts-when-you-see-or-think-of-them, bat-shit-crazy in Luuuurve - best of all. O;-)
Just thought I'd put that out there. In case, y'know, anyone so inclined (to be one of those people, **or to play matchmaker**) might be interested to know it, & maybe even willing to act on it.
My dear wife says that, if anyone has questions (including, but not limited to, whether or not she's really OK with this), you can ask her - you can find her on Facebook as Kimberly Roberts. The Kim Roberts account there is also hers.
In other news, it is sometimes hilarious, always delightful, & might even qualify as reasonably true descriptors (that's for others to say), that I have been called both "culturally queer" & "the world's queerest straight guy." (I sing show tunes, love to cook, have good color sense, make what they say are better choices than their own on nail polish & lipstick colors for my friends who wear the stuff, get tired of/pissed off at people condemning my love life just because it's not what they're used to, make snarky comments where apropos, etc.).
No reason you should care (unless you have such a reason of your own), just felt like sharing.
As for the OKCupid matching test itself (which I'm not even sure still exists - I can't find it anymore)... Due to their insistence on false either/or choices, which in turn seems to spring from their utter failure to take polyamory, swinging, open marriages, or other ethical forms of nonmonogamy into account in formulating their questions and answering options, I have so far gotten both the Playboy & the Loverboy as results, with equally honest answers - and that's having only taken it twice, while I'm personally sure I could give at least one or two more sets of *also* equally honest, yet different, answers, thereby getting yet other results. The descriptions of both the Playboy & Loverboy types have a greater-than-random level of truth for me, but both also have big blind spots/false conclusions, based again on those artificially forced either/or answers to what *should* be multiple choice questions, resulting largely, as I said, from their failure to take honest, loving, but OPEN relationships into account. Just so you know. ;-)
It may or may not (up to you) be interesting, distressing, or delightful to note that, even among my freaky/odd/weird friends, I am sometimes considered just a little strange. *Good* strange (mostly), but strange. Often, when someone thinks they have me pigeon-holed, I do or say something that takes them (& quite possibly myself) totally by surprise.
On another (mostly) unrelated note: I can (& do) see beauty & sexiness in a far wider variety of women than most guys do, even many other non-mainstream guys. And I often find that a woman I didn't think terribly attractive when I first saw or met her, becomes more & more attractive to me as I get to know her better.
That said, however:
Is it really so wrong of me to hope that, among all the cool women I might find myself attracted to upon meeting & getting to know them, I could also meet some fabulous women whom I find to be reasonably hot *before* I get to know them? - Ones who find me attractive, as well (on *either* basis [on sight, or on getting to know me]? I own a mirror & I readily understand that women being attracted to my looks alone is, while not impossible, not *the* likeliest thing in the world either.
Relationships where friendship &/or love kindle lust, in that order, are great; but I'd also like some where that sequence is reversed (feel the lust right away, *then* fall in love/become Friends With Benefits), y'know?
Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so, but that's me.
You know, I just figured - while I'm asking the universe for what I want in life, with no regard for likelihood or even plausibility (like a big lottery win), I thought I might as well throw that in, too.
I am non-monogamous, free thinking, and empathetic