Hi, I'm Dave. If you're looking to meet a down to earth guy who is easy on the eyes and has loads of career potential, then you're in the right spot. I know tons of those guys! On the other hand, if you are tired of all the too good to be true types that infest these online dating waters, then read on. You might be one of the few people I don't have to explain most of my jokes to. For the rest of you, see I was leading the reader on acting like I was the guy with the career poten.....nevermind.....go back to watching TMZ.
I'm a very non-traditional person. I'm making up the rules of my life as I go. I love my kids (two boys, 9 & 11) more than everything else in the world combined, but I'm willing to dial it back down to reality if/when I meet the person I've been looking for. (Okay, looking implies action, maybe I meant hoping....) I'm human and find myself judging a lot of books by their cover, but I'm wise enough to sometimes catch myself in the act and try not to. That being said, if you have an adam's apple, you're out. Cracking open some books is just not a good idea.
I'm a really big guy, which is either a plus if you're 6' tall or a negative if you want to avoid appearing 4'6" in any photo of us. I'm not skinny, but deep down I want to be. It would be great if I could look like a super tall walking skeleton. Instead, my weight goes up and down every year or two. Once again, a plus if you get tired of people and like change, a negative if your friends will laugh at you for dating an overstuffed teddy bear.
I smoke cigarettes. I don't really want to, but I do. Don't tell anyone, but I think they put something in them that makes it hard to stop smoking....
I'm pretty funny, despite my profile. I lack the creativity to just start saying funny things randomly, but I'm really really really good at running jokes. I'm also respectably decent at twisting other people's words and actions into comedy. A veritable verbal clown making balloon animals, if you will. If you won't.....well, you're not the first.
I've met someone that I met online. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one. Well, the only one who will admit it anyways. She was great and wonderful and a really nice person. Not the person I was looking for, but still a really nice person. We dated for a bit and still talk from time to time. I'm friends with a few of my past romances. I don't talk to any of them everyday, but they just can't seem to quit me. I think god put something in me that makes it hard to quit....
SOME STUFF ABOUT ME
Age I feel: 47
Age I act: 12-47
Height in Doc Martin's: 6'6.5"
Weight on Pluto: 840lbs
Vertical leap: 11"
Favorite Holiday: National Talk like a Pirate Day
Desired bed size: King
Favorite name for ex(s): Liarface, or Douchemonkey (tie)
IQ that I profess to others: 177
Shoe size: 13
First Job: Bus boy
Best Job: IT Grand Poobah
Number of fingers and toes: 10 fingers and 10 toes
Favorite TV Character: Conando
Number of ex's: Undisclosed
Number of future ex's: Hopefully None
Number of people who've read everything to this point: 79