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41 M Charlotte, NC

I’m looking for

  • Women who like men
  • Ages 25–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Libra, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Banking / Finance
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has a kid
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I've learned a lot in my varied life, and (the real key) I've applied that learning. One thing I've learned is that, while I am very smart and (nearly always) very honest, it's pretty pointless to declare that, or to set it as a standard. Others need to see that for themselves, and people who are not/neither rarely admit themselves, and certainly not to others.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
In the two years since my return to singledom (singleness? singlehood? It doesn't deserve a noun), my day to day life has changed a good deal, and my priorities with it. I had spent a few years getting my shit together (got married, became a dad), and then had to do it all over again (got divorced, bought a house, restarted my career), and now I can move on to the next tier of stability. I quit smoking (July '14), started eating healthier, built a budget...I'm thinking of the future.

And that applies to dating as well: I've mostly been in a mode of "what the hell" and "fine for now", but I'm now at a point where I'd like to begin something. Doesn't mean I'm in a rush to marry anyone, but I'd like to meet someone I'm still dating next year. I'd like to have someone in my life I look forward to seeing every week; it's exciting to get to know a whole new person, and it's deeply satisfying to make someone happy by showing them how happy they make you.

Quite separate from that goal, however, is the fact that, while I have not found it especially difficult to line up a date, I have had little success in adding friends to my life in the three years I've been in Charlotte. I would welcome a platonic buddy or two for random fun: a Friday night movie, a Saturday hike, a workday lunch uptown, a poker game at my brother's house.

If you mean my job, I work in Finance uptown, and (surprisingly) I love it. Last year I tried my hand at teaching; it was what I thought would be the next step in my do-gooder path. But doctor hours and janitor pay do not suit a single dad's life, and, truth be told, it made me unhappy on several levels. So I am greatly relieved to return to the 9-5 and to be doing what I have always been very good at.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Puzzles and such. They say Confucius does his crosswords with a pen; I solve cryptograms in my head. The key is knowing the many rules that the English language laughs at, and the few it must follow. Here's the toughest one I can remember solving:
Good fucking luck.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I talk the way I write, which is also the way I think: in complete sentences and with an effort to say it right. Might mean I pause to work out my phrasing, but the phrasing will often be interesting.

If we're talking superficial things, my eyes are a nice shade of blue.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.

“Is it merely in a book? So am I then, merely in a book…No, no! I insist. We live in different worlds.”

“Which path do you intend to take? Conformity or Rebellion?”
“Neither one. Both ways are for the simple minded – they are only for people who cannot cope
with contradiction and ambiguity.”

“People believe. It's what people do. They believe, and then they do not take responsibility for their beliefs; they conjure things, and do not trust the conjuration. People populate the darkness; with ghosts, with gods, with electrons, with tales. People imagine, and people believe; and it is that rock solid belief that makes things happen.”

“We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from another's vantage point, as if new, it may still take the breath away.”


Everyone around here
Everyone is so near
It’s holdin’ on.”

“Me? Well, I'm well. Well, I mean I'm in hell.
Well, I still have my health (at least that's what they tell me).
If wellness is this, what in hell's name is sickness?”

“You’re so occupied with what other persons
Are occupied with, and vice versa
And you've become what you thought was dumb:
a fraction of the sum."”

“Oh, God of Progress
Have you degraded or forgot us?
Where have your laws gone?”

“We could stand for a century,
Starin', with our heads cocked
In the broad daylight at this thing: Joy, landlocked
In bodies that don't keep
Dumbstruck with the sweetness of being.”


“Tread lightly.”

“Chaos is a ladder.”

“I didn't poison your dinner. I wouldn't do that to food.”

“Usually one person doesn't solve the solution, but it's 100 people with 1% of the solution that will get it done. I think that’s beautiful: pieces solving a puzzle.“


“Cobb: You're waiting for a train. A train that'll take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you. But you can't know for sure. Yet it doesn't matter. Now, tell me why?
Mal: Because we’ll be together.”

“Not Sure: ... And there was a time in this country, a long time ago, when reading wasn't just for fags and neither was writing. People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting, and I believe that time can come again!”

“Josh: Can we go to the dealerships now?
Fred: But the game's not over, yet.
Josh: Yes, it is.”

“Schmidt: So, what made you so special?
Rogers: Nothing. I'm just a kid from Brooklyn.”
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) Family (my daughter, my seven siblings and my dad)
2) Stimuli (Music, news, art, a good story)
3) A few minutes every few hours to let my mind wander
4) GPS (I still don't know my way around this town...what's Charlotte got against straight lines?)
5) An outlet for all the beauty and humor I see in the world
6) Phone (see numbers 2 and 4)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Science, which is strangely what I taught (got my degree in Writing). I find great beauty in the way the universe works, very much including the way it dodges our attempts to understand it. Go watch this video and see if you don't get choked up.

Politics...though a lot less lately. I find it distressing that most Americans see their greatest enemies as other Americans. I probably won't bring it up if you don't.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Trying to make good use of a Friday night. I've been in Charlotte about three years, and rarely find the time to explore. I'd like to get in more outdoors fun than I have; plenty of it around, eager to check it out. There's good food too, love trying new places. Very much down for live music, love stand-up comedy.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't really have private things. Don't worry, I have all the tact and propriety I need; I won't spew unsolicited personal details when meeting your mom. But I answer what I'm asked, and can't recall a time when doing so presented a problem.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're the type of woman who initiates conversations with men.

This seems to be the section where the girls demand good grammar or forbid shirtless bathroom mirror pics (by the way: that selfie you took with your iphone on your car dashboard because you realized your hair looked awesome that day? It's the female equivalent). So I'll throw out my own unsolicited advice about the cliches I often see:

"Life is too short." Kind of. Sometimes. Not really. Actually, life can really drag on if you don't make good choices and surround yourself with good company. I know, you mean that we need to take risks. There's a counterpoint to this argument, very well said by my favorite stand-up comedian here.

"I am just as happy going out on the town as I am watching a movie, etc, etc." Yes, we all are. If you have the energy and money to go out every night, rock on. Perhaps I will buy your couch. But saying this is getting a little ahead of yourself. We're aiming to set up a first date here, and if you're okay with a guy coming over for Netflix and popcorn, aim higher.

"I love to laugh", "I enjoy travel", "I love my family"..."I am a carbon-based life form".

C'mon, girls. Yeah, you'll probably still get messages if you're cute (and especially if your pics show skin!), but cute is dime a dozen. It just amazes me how often a profile can fill up my screen and still tell me nothing about what makes you different than every other woman. Beauty is rarity.