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39 M San Francisco, CA

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 11:46pm
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Strictly vegetarian
Other, but not too serious about it
Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Science / Engineering
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs

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My self-summary
I'm not really super bisexual and I'm really not all that straight either, but I had to choose one of the clicky boxes. It's Tuesday, so I went with 'bi'.

I am generally into to all kinds of relationships, though right now I am committing a lot of my energy to my sexy genius of a girlfriend so I don't have a ton of time available for dating, but there is some for the right people.

Things I love doing: laughing, dancing, talking, kissing, playing, reading, exploring, musicking, cuddling, learning, playing ultimate frisbee, riding my motorcycle, and doing things that scare me. I'm kind of terrified of heights but I really want to go hang gliding.

I also like to examine the rules we live by and break them if they don't make sense, or just to see what will happen sometimes. But mostly I really thrive on forming and building relationships with other people. Life is enriched through interaction with others; being open and available for real connections is frightening and thrilling. I'm quite enjoying being alive lately and a key part of that, I think, is my curiosity about other people. Finding out how my relationship with each person will be unique is a lot of fun for me. Meaningful relationships come in all sorts of forms. I'm trying to find them all.
I want to meet more people with whom there is that spark of excitement and find out what happens when we fan it to a flame, find out how our interaction is unique and amazing.

San Francisco feels more like home than any place I've been before. I don't know if I'll be here the rest of my life, but being here has enabled me to grow in ways I never expected I could.

I love flying kites! But I get a little nervous for the kite because I feel like it must be scary to be up so high.

I smile at strangers when walking down the street. It always makes me a little sad how few smile back.

Honesty is incredibly important to me. Relationships where I've been able to be completely honest and trust that the same is being done for me have been the most wonderful experiences of my life.

I think I only truly feel alive when I'm outside. I can walk to the beach from my apartment and that makes me really happy. I've spent a lot of time up on Mt Tam, but still not enough.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to unashamedly be myself. This has been a very long process for me! Where did all that shame come from?!?

Also trying to learn how to dance as well in public as I do in my apartment when alone!

Learning to meditate, trying to get up and do it every day, and trying not to judge myself when I don't.

Striving to be a better friend/lover/companion to those around me.

(Also boldly splitting infinitives.)
I’m really good at
I have the infallible ability to tell the difference between a dog and a cat. I've been right about this determination 100% of the time. If you want, you can test me on our first date: bring a dog or a cat and I will unerringly tell you which it is. One woman tried to trick me once by bringing a lamb. Though that particular case didn't trip me up—after a few moments I knew what it was—I can't make guarantees about identifying ruminants in general.

Making a pint of ice cream vanish into thin air.
The first things people usually notice about me
How good my ass looks in these jeans.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Trying to choose favorites of anything stresses me out, so I don't do it. But I can go on for a while about things I like...

Books: I'm always in the middle of a couple of books and my tastes are pretty varied. Right now I'm in a spree of reading all of Iain Banks's works since knowledge of their existence has eluded me until recently. A greatly, in my opinion, under-appreciated favorite is Oakley Hall's Warlock. Go read it and talk to me about it! Also a friend recently introduced me to Robert Anton Wilson. If you like his work, we need to meet! At the moment PKD is cracking my head open with Valis. In high school I was a total Tolkein geek, it makes me happy to see him getting popular again. Other authors that have meant a lot to me at various points in my life: Dostoevsky, Bowles, Murakami, Márquez, Edith Wharton, Bill Watterson, LeGuin, ..

Music: All over the place. I tend to go through phases of voraciously looking for new music and nesting with what I know. I used to spend a lot of time in avant garde clubs in NYC listening to really interesting music and trying to define music as broadly as possible. I'm a lot more likely to listen to things I can dance to now, but my collection is still pretty broad.

TV: While I'm fairly ambivalent about the existence of TV in general, I love the ritual of having a TV show that I watch with someone else. Sometimes when relationships end I've found that I lose interest in any show that I might have been watching with them (to wit: I still haven't seen the most recent episode of Game of Thrones). My favorites in the past have been Deadwood, The Wire, Carnival, Homicide...I'll add more as I think of them. I'm currently looking forward to more Sons of Anarchy. Don't spoil anything for me please, I'm probably a season behind.

Food: I'm a vegetarian (but don't mind eating with omnivores). I think eating can a wonderful experience that I too often give short shrift by doing something else at the same time. Sharing a meal with someone seems like such a fundamental way of connecting and forming bonds and community, so I love to go out to eat and have food adventures with people. I don't make as much time to cook as I used to, but that too I find to be a really wonderful way to spend time together. I recently gave up coffee. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. (Edit: I've started drinking coffee again, just not every day now. Life's too short to give up such pleasures!) (Editedit: Ok, I drink coffee every day, but I'm not addicted. I just like it!)

As far as what food...I have an inherent distrust of beets and I'm apparently allergic to quinoa (sad sad sad). I love so many kinds of food it doesn't seem fair to single any out. I was raised on a lot of Italian food and that seems to have formed a habit. Anything made with fresh yummy non-beet veggies will probably get my vote, though. I miss sushi.

And I'll make you the best artichokes you've ever tasted.
The six things I could never do without
- My loved ones
- Adventure
- Dancing
- Music
- Books
- Hot showers
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I think a lot about social constructs (like monogamy, gender, consumer culture), how they influence my life and how I can free myself from them. Similarly I often question why we do things the way we do and what better ways there might be.

I spend a lot of time trying to be aware of the assumptions I make about others (including the truckload of assumptions I've made about you based solely on that thumbnail of your profile photo) and how that influences my interactions with them. And, of course, how to stop making those assumptions!

Sometimes I'm trying to figure out how to think less and just enjoy the moment I'm in.

Dark matter. The kind out in space. That is some mind blowing stuff. (Edit: After mulling this over quite a bit, I'm thinking more and more that it is just a ridiculous attempt to paper over the fact that we really have no fucking idea what's going on out there.)

Whether I should be considering the logical conjunction or disjunction of people's "You should message me if" lists. Feel free to wonder that about mine in turn.

If you see my eyes dart to the side it probably means I'm wondering if I can get away with saying that thing that just popped into my head. Notice that this is in the "things I spend a lot of time thinking about" section.
On a typical Friday night I am
Riding across the pampas on my noble steed.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
There is a women's restroom at a club in SF with graffiti casting great aspersions upon my character.

When we were young (and on the east coast, before we'd ever heard of the park), my sister pronounced Yosemite Sam "Yoze-mite" Sam. Now every time I see the word written out, I pronounce it like that. When I accidentally say it out loud I try to play it off like I'm being funny but really that pronunciation seems to be completely hard-wired into my brain.

I enjoy corrupting people!
I’m looking for
  • Guys and girls who like bi guys
  • Ages 26–49
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
❃ You get charged up about trying new things
❃ You like kissing
❃ You like chocolate
❃ You've ever been to the Audium and loved it.
❃ You have an adorable pooch and want to take me to the park to play with you
❃ You have strong opinions about ginger beer
❃ You want to meet downtown for lunch or a coffee (tea!) date sometime
❃ You are curious about or want to talk about polyamory or open relationships
❃ You want to learn a new language with me
❃ You want to show me your favorite hike (urban or otherwise)
❃ You can make me laugh
❃ You've got something more exciting about yourself to say than "OMG, I have a profile on OKCupid!!1!!1"
❃ I'm a queer, sex-positive, GGG, feminist. Please be these things yourself (ok, queer-friendly is good enough).