Im really starting to think that realtionships, whether causal, long term, or just hooking up is redundant. I sat down the other day and asked myself "who do I want to be with" and i came up blank. Then i rexamined my past realtionships and I came up with a staggering realization.

     I always start out feeling happy, and eventually head over heels, then something happens in my head that makes me wanna run. This is when i screw up, cause i don't run, when should. So then i stay and then i find myself regretting it and resenting the guy I'm with. Then he makes me not trust him anymore, by either going out too long and keeping secrets from me. Once i start having hope for the realtionship, the guy breaks up with me, then my feelings and emotions are about 3 degrees south of horrible. Once we break up i go on here for rebound while I'm rebooty-ing with my ex in hopes we get back together. But we don't and I'm stuck with Mr.rebound that i had no intentions to be serious with. Just so I won't be alone, ill drag that realtionship till i find something better. Then the whole process starts again.

     Thats how the script goes for every realtionship i have ever been in. Its been tru for the last 6 years. Right now I'm in the rebooty-ing stage, but I know we wont get back together. He's just telling me what I want to hear, so I won't throw punches at him, metaphorically and physically.

     I wish I can find someone that can stop this heartbreaking cycle in my life, but I'm pretty sure that won't happen.