OkCupid | Darkangel_4u / 24 / F / Acworth, Georgia

I’m really good at

writing...............When all usefulness is over, when one is assured of an unavoidable and imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one."
"I have failed to accomplish a goal with the truth as my standard. I have no faith in myself or anyone else. I would rather not continue with life, since I will only be subjected to further persecution. I wish I had the strength to continue to fight this evil with honor."
Paranoia

The night is my cover,
The day, my disguise,
But I just can't seem to escape,
From wondering,judgemental eyes.
They're always watching and waiting,
For that moment you turn your head,
It makes me feel uncomfrotable,
While I'm lying in my bed.
I should'nt leave my house,
Or maybe even my room,
Because they're lurking in every shadow,
Waiting to drop the bomb of doom.
I can't help but avert my eyes,
When I receive an unsteady glance,
They're judging me, I know it,
They'll make fun of me at every chance.
Did I do something wrong,
I don't have a doubt in my mind,
The truth is that in this world,
Sanity is so hard to find.

Path Of Life

Some old friends cross paths
sometime in their life, but some never do.
Sad but true!
If our way of life separates us through time,
you never know what might happen so keep this in mind.
No matter what you do,
Which way you decide to go
always remember that you have a friend
who loves you dearly and true.
Life might get tough,
not go the way you want it to,
so just think back in time,
the time of you and I.
Life might seem hard now,
but it's not even close of what might come.
Be true to yourself and to your heart,
grab life by the horns and never look back,
because if you do, you might regret a part.
That's the lesson for the day, for this time in life,
it just might bring you closer
to your happiness, instead of apart.
What Happened
I look into your eyes,
but see nothing there.
What happened to the love,
that we use to share?
I reach out for your hand,
and it feels so cold.
What happened to the warmth,
that it use to hold.
I never thought a love,
like ours would ever die.
I never thought you,
could ever make me cry.
It use to be so special,
like a dream come true.
You were the one for me,
and I was the one for you.
Now things have changed,
we've fallen apart.
You're not the same person,
that once touched my heart.
Don't say you need time,
cause time is all we had.
I'm tired of being hurt,
and feeling so sad.
There's nothing left to do,
but go our own way.
The question of "what happened"
will be answered some day.

Picture
I'll paint you a little picture
I'll paint it with a twist
I'll paint it with a razor
I'll paint it on my wrist
and when my arm's all bloodied
all bloodied and torn
you'll see all my sadness
you'll see all the harm
and like so many others
who've seen all my pain
you'll simply feel sorry
and then walk away

Quiet Storm

Tears slowly form, and run down my pain sighted eyes
Ashamed of what I've become
Ashamed of my life
Hurting something terrible
close to the edge
my only relief would be if i were dead
stuck and confused
not knowing if the things you say are true
i trusted you with my life
i trusted you with my heart
and now you laugh as you slowly rip it apart
Feeling the rip long after the tear
i look at my life, and realize it's not fair
a young black soul
standing alone
looking lost
looking cold
no arms to keep me warm
rising up into a quiet storm
The Girl In The Mirror
I look in the mirror and see a girl,
Who is staring back at me.
I don't know who she is,
Because she's not the girl I wana be.
She puts a smile on,
While inside she is falling apart.
She says, "I'm okay",
As pain fills her heart.
She pretends not to care,
As everyone slowly walks away.
She hides behind her mask,
And pretends to be okay.
She is scared to open up,
And call someone her best friend.
They all turn out the same,
And never really care in the end.
She is scared to let people close,
It always ends up as heartache.
She decides to trust someone,
But it always ends up as a big mistake.
She feels like a stranger in her own home,
Like she doesn't even belong.
She tries the best she can,
But it always seems to be wrong.
She freezes up at the word "love",
People throw it around too much.
Her muscles constrict,
As she is afraid to be touched.
She has ideas for the future,
Hopes and dreams of her own.
But she doesn't hold her breath,
Because disappointment is all she has ever known.
She asks, "Why am I never good enough",
"Why am I always second choice"?
People tell her she's got to stand up for what she wants,
She's got to find her own voice.
I know who I wanna be,
It's all so much clearer.
But the fact of life is,
I'm only the girl in the mirror.

Lost And Falling
Life frozen or caught on fire,
why does it matter?
Cut deep or shallow scratch,
in narrow alleys with a patch of darkness.
Falling up or getting down,
a cup of glass cutting our throats.
Mass collections of suicide notes,
and a small amount of hope.
Falling into death in deep with darkness,
seeking thought or maybe not.
Going in circles with out a fight,
not slavery and so far out of sight.
Loss and false hopes binding us down,
its our cost of not being found.
Sounds of voices peek in our heads,
fallen asleep deep in our beds.
Graves of memories found in our dreams,
deep dreams filling with passion and rising with action.
Faith calling and showing our fates,
knowing of death and full of hates.
Sedating our minds and lost hopes of love,
kind and gentle thoughts of warmness,
Killed our fate of endless fought circles,
lonelyness found here between worlds.
The sound of calling,
found and falling.
Depression
Into the field, I ride
On a pretty little white horse
Feeling like a princess
With a bit of remorse
Sorrow and pain
My greatest fear of all
Catch me for once
And don't let me fall
A fall off my horse
Results in a sadness
I am now in a world
Of total blackness
"May every day be dark and stormy
For this one girl!" Says Depression
"May all her emotions be
Acts of aggression!"
Depression, creeping towards me
Black ghostly figure, ruby red eyes
Looking down on me
With such hatred and despise
In the distance, a white stallion appears
With an ever so charming prince to my saving
While Depression
My soul he's craving
'Hurry, hurry!' I think to myself
"I'm coming!" the hero shouts
Coming closer and closer
The Prince is just in time, "Get out! Out!"
"Thou shall not be in pain.
Thou shall be in love.
Thou shall love thyself.
Thyself shall be proud of."
The Battle Within
Sleepless nights,
dreadful dreams,
are haunting me.
The mysterious sounds
of the night,
are very frightening me.
Panic and rage
Runs through my body
The devil is trying to get in.
Day after day
I fight off the urges
That would be so satisfying
A battle rages
Deep within my soul
It's all I can do to hold on.
Prayer is my weapon,
faith gives me peace of mind,
to stop the demons from taking over.
Depression knocks me down,
Grace picks me back up,
As the battle still rages
I pray and pray
For the fight to end
But I know the battle is still within.
Suicide
SUICIDE
This thought comes almost everyday,
We have become close friends as we were one in the same.
Then soon enough it will be the end I cry almost every minute
So much pain, so much hurt
My feelings and memories are like a hurricane.
I'm alone, scared during this storm and as the tears run down my face .
Seems like there is no way in stopping the intolerable emotions, pain, and frustration that the world puts upon my shoulders.
I hear no birds singing their joyful songs or the laughter of young children being able to enjoy life without a care.
It just seems like death has been and will be around me anyway.
So no matter what you try say,
Suicide is the only way out for me.
It's been way to long since someone has held me tight and said that they love me and that they need me.
It's been to long since I have had someone to protect me,
But you have never been able to see
In reality what has been happening inside of me.
You may ask and look concerned wanting to know why I cry,
But do you really want to that I wish for me to die?
Can you handle the truth,
Can you handle the pain I have felt and dealt with by myself for many years?
When I see myself in the mirror,
I can't see the joy I once felt.
That joy has been taken away since I can remember
I just turn my head as quick as possible for I do not want see what I'm actually trying to hide.
Suicide?
The quickest way to solve my problems once I'm gone
But will they really be solved or will they become a burden to those I still love but don't love me?
Time is the only one who can really tell us.
In the end will you miss me after I have cried my last tears?

Shattered

I saw the pain they felt that day,
when their love just went away.
Anger steamed from his face, hate poured from his lips,
his arms flew wildly then rested at his hips.
Gazing in her eyes, he hardened his heart,
tears covered her cheeks, they were easy to start.
Clenching each fist to manage the rage,
her words were untamed and released from their cage.
The damage was done, they shattered their home,
and left a young child to feel all alone.
I saw the pain they felt that day,
when their love just went away.
Walking Suicide
I'm a walking suicide but you'd never know cause' I hide I got too much pride to show my depression I think about dying everyday but never say anything cause' people will stop me rob me from succeeding in my goal.
I fold my letter up saying how sorry I am for being a disappointment to my family and you'll be better without me.
You'd never think little baby girl would try something so bold didn't know that the mold you made her in turned it's grin and that hell really existed in her eyes and she cries for god to please just let me die and be free from the reality she's facing!! I'm a walking suicide

Breakdown

Tears falling down my cheak,
whats happining to me?
I used to be so strong,
but lately I feel so weak.
all the stress brings me down,
It gives me no choice,
I cant seem to speak my mind,
I just can't find my voice.
more cuts end up on my wrist,
something else I got to hide,
besides the smile I used to have,
but now it's hid behind,
the other part of me,
the person I pretend to be,
so you dont see my tears,
I fight all my fears,
I can't show emotion,
so I store it all inside,
but It builds up,
I breakdown,
I have to cut myself to let it all out.
The pills numb my pain,
puts the stress off to the side,
and when I bleed it all out,
I feel better inside.
Suicide

Open your angel eyes wide
don’t get lost in the lavender sky
shake all the stars from your hair
taste your sweet, salty, bitter skin
cut the poison from your tongue
don’t sleep beneath the candy acid sun
please don’t follow the fairy dust
Don’t sleep to heavy in your cherry blossom bed
peel the razor peddles from your skin
don’t get lost in the fairy dust
don’t look at the fairy
don’t look at the fairy
that fairies not pretty
she's ugly, evil and deadly
are you still dying
are you still dying
Peddle red peddle blue, kill the fairy end the doom
peddle red peddle blue, the girl power will save you
peddle red peddle blue, if your crazy then so am I
are you still dying in the fairy dust
are you still dying
are you still dying
kill the fairy
Another Day
Dejected and depressed
Evil thoughts going threw her mind
Wanting nothing more
Then contentment in her life.
Helpless and frustrated
With no where else to turn
She turn's to her sweet blade
And her troubles unfurl.
She thinks of the friends once so close
Now only seem to bring more pain.
Lectures and stern voices
Remind her she can't do nothing right.
For every friend
Who she has hurt she adds a cut
And a cut for every time
A friend has inflicted pain
Weather it was intentional or not
Next she thinks of her boyfriends
Not caring if they were worth it or not
Adding to the growing number of cuts
On her pale worthless body.
The fights; the tears; the heartbreaks
All she blames herself for.
She thinks of her family
And how despite their kind faces
The feeling they want nothing to do with her.
For every little disappointment
And every little mistake she made'
Now the final cuts
The one's to end the grief
She sinks down in the tub
The blood already tainting the water
Just another sweet relief.
She grips her blade tight
Scared of the pain
But knowing it will all be over soon
She braces herself for the desired relief
And hears her little 9 year old sister
Playing games on her computer
And she puts the blade down.
Not wanting to corrupt the innocent
With the image of a bloody body haunting her in her sleep
She gets out and wraps in a towel
Sinking to the floor and crying her heart out
Till it even hurts to much to cry
And plasters a smile on her face
And comes and sees her sisters smiling face
And holds on to her life for one more day.
Empty?

Nobody understands this emptiness i feel,
hopeless, how long will i feel this way?
mindless, what? i'm sorry what did you say
anxious, i sinned, what will happen to me today?
worthless, what do i enjoy,why am i here, i forget.
overwhelmed,how long can i live like this?
up and down,i feel sad,i feel angry,i feel regret
questions so many questions, why do i even exist
antisocial, i love you, but please leave me alone.
desperation, i've tried everything, theres nothing i can do
too late, i am getting old, i am already grown
distrust, you will let me down, you only care about you
did they ever really love me, or did i just push them away? they said they did, was it true?
I know this isnt right but i cant control this, i know this isnt healthy, but what can i do?
i feel so empty sometimes, no emotion, no sadness, no anger, no happiness. just hollow, nothing inside, void of any feeling.
Empty

Cry

Why is sadness in my midst
On this very special day
Do people even know I exist
Or do I just feel this way
I am walking down weary lane
But no one seems to care
What is it that has put me in such pain
All they do is stand.. and stare
Will things brighten up for me
Or will I stay out of sight
Does anyone care to be
A friend that I hold tight
Now I give a lonely sigh
And all I can do... is cry
Graveyard Suicide
I walked through the local cemetery last night
It was so quiet, everyone was at peace
I felt so welcome, so at home
there among the deceased
I begun thinking, why do I continue on
why do I inhale even one more breath
when all I dream of is the eternal slumber
that can only be brought about by death
Grief and pain are the only inhabitants
of a soul which would otherwise be an empty space
Was it time for the end?
This was the choice which I faced
After all, everyday is merely a continuation
of the one which preceded it
There have ben times when I felt slightly hopeful
but there was never any hope when I most needed it
And there is little I wish to recall
the years are wrought with sadness
I've lost my mind, a million times
but I always find it again within madness
As my heart has drifted along
I knew it could not stay afloat
with each day that passed
I felt it sink deeper in misery's boat
So there, amongst the dead
I came to the conclusion
That it was time to bring
an end to my life's illusions
The blood flowed like a river
as I took a razor to my wrist
I would have made preparations, said good-byes
but, I doubt I'll be missed
It became so cold
as everything went black
for the first time, I felt peace
because I knew there was no going back
No hope. No dreams. No anything.
I had no further reason to try
I no longer wished to live
I do not regret the decision I made to die

God, Why?
Why do things happen?
Why do we cry?
Will the pain ever soften?
Will the tears ever dry?
What good can come of this?
What use of this for your plan?
Maybe someday it will make sense.
Maybe someday I'll understand.
God, all I'm asking is why?
You're the Creator of Life,
The definition of love.
You're the Almighty God,
Who watches from above.
You have all the answers
To the questions we most seek.
You know the reason
For every one of us feeling bleak.
God, all I'm asking is why?
Ecclesiastes gives a time for everything,
A time to die and a time to be born,
A time to laugh and a time to cry,
A time to dance and a time to mourn.
The truth is I really don't understand,
How can it be true?
Where do I go from here?
What is there to do?
God, all I'm asking is why?
I'm confused and frustrated!
Who can I turn to?
I'm tired and sad!
So I come sprinting You!
You comfort me when I'm upset,
You guide me when I'm lost,
You have never left me,
No, not for any cost.
God, all I'm asking is why?
I put my trust in you,
I know it's in your plan,
Maybe someday I'll see too,
Maybe someday I'll understand.

What I Won't Let No One Know
I won't let any body know that behind my eyes a sad girl cries.
I won't let any body know that I hurt so much inside.
I won't let any body know that I'm not the average girl.
I won't let any body know that I'm carrying the weight of the world.
I won't let any body know that my HART aches with flaming pain.
And I won't let any body know that my life is as dark as the night.
And I won't let any body know that I'm playing the roll of a happy girl that no one even
KNOWS?
I won't let any body that I will never let my true feelings show.
But I will let you know that you're the love of me life?
And that when I close my eyes you're the one I see.
Day or night my love to you does not matter.
So why don't you get me out of heir..
So I can forge about this mess that's up in my head.
And if I lighten up a bit I will be over it.
So why don't you take me far, far away from this place.
I just can't stand living here one more second.

My Heart
My heart is filled with dark sadness & rages.
I fill like my heart is faceing the sad dark hall.
I fill like my heart is in a cage.
My heart wants to turn a round & face the wall.
My friends tried to grab my hand.
but my hearts is crying.
My heart is hold by a strand.
Still my friends are still trying.
My heart wants to be help.
My body wants to stop.
My body starts to melt.
When i want my body to stop my friends went me to hop.
when i start to tear.
My heart fills the fear.

The Things That Haunt Me
The things that haunt mein my dreams,that play the gameswithin my mind,that sneak upon melike a rabid wolf,that preys uponits kin and kind,They cast shadowinto every corner,deteriorating the light within,eating away at my stony soul,bringing on the rain and wind.
Betraying Peers
It's like I can't trust anyone in the world I live in
Where secrets are revealed, and trust is a sin
Words said today can spread like a plague
Tell one person, and watch the friendship fade
That's how it is in our world's community
Heads against each other, breaking the unity
Wars all around us, never ending
Testing our peers, with our patience pending
But we've taken our words to another level
Crushing weaker souls like we are the devil
Pride and honor will change us in a second
Destroying our minds, leaving everything disheveled.

Pain

Sitting in the corner of my bed
Having this frustration in my head
Trying to unleash all the pain inside
Thinking of how this has come to an end
I did everything just to please you
Even in your lies, I still believe you
I did everything to make it work
Even if you're just making it worst
Day and night, I've waited for a call
or just a text or a knock on my door
But all I got is this aching heart
and this sleepless tears all through out the night
I never regret the feelings I have
but I have to move on and got to have my pride
Your love disappear but I'm always here
You're so far yet so very near.

Nothing To Be Ashamed Of
lousy crying...
a waste of tears...
look up ahead...
try to ignore the pain,
the loneliness,
and the hate...
think things clearly,
wake up early,
get all those falls thoughts
out of your head
and turn over a new leaf...
don't let something silly bring you down,
don't let it drag you around,
get yourself together
take off all that make up
and let them see who you really are,
there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Dead Spirit
I'm going to take this time to vent my mind
I have constantly searched my soul
I have found a hole
There is nothing to live for anymore
Noticing peoples stares don't care
I cant even face myself in the mirror
I throw my hands up knowing I cant stand being lonely anymore
Being nice killed my spirit even more
The nicer you are the pain hates more
No one knows of my sadness pleads
I don't want anyone to see
See me on my knees crying for the hundredth time
My emotion has took a toll on me
The way I am no one understands me
No one cares to even look at me
The sad thing is that they wont notice when I'm long gone
Not knowing my name very long
The way my life has been I know I won't carry on
I Surrender

Captured by the dismal Prison Twilight of my soul....
No longer can I bare the insanity within......
I recognize the imperceptible degree of what I've done.....
Bittersweet forbidden love....
Uninhabitable is the life I have to offer......
Pathetic are my pleas.......
Exceedingly harmful to all around me.....
Incomprehensible are my actions......
Vicious are my thoughts of self hatred.....
Contrite that the remnant of my love may linger.....
I only hope for you to obliterate your memory of me.....
I agonize the anguish I have bestowed....
Repentant for the destruction of my path......
My conclusion is this.....
I surrender to my demise......
I Love You So Much
I'm so sad without you,
I just don't know what to do-
Whenever you're gone
My days are so blue..
Whenever you're near
You make every day bright,
You put joy in my heart
And bring light to my life!
I wish you were here now,
Because I miss you, it's true.
I miss the way you make me happy
And all the little things you do.
I really hope I'll see you soon!!

Love

There are times when I sit n cry
of all the things that are in my life.
Some are happy tears when others are not.
I've been told that I should be grateful
for all the things that I have
and not be sad when the world is against me because its really not.
I don't see it
I cant feel it
Where did I go wrong
I don't know it
and I cant show it
But I do know that I cant live without it
Love
Love is the best thing in my life
Love
I can see better with it so why don't u try
love is there for me
when I need it each moment of my life....
When I need love, you are right there standing by my side.
I don't see it
I cant feel it
im trying to believe it
I don't know it
and I cant show it
but I do know ... I cant live without it
Baby, Oh Baby
Thank you for giving me your love
It has opened me inside
to breathe better
hear better
laugh more and live better
I LOVE U

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