Let's see... I'm a guy. Hurtling towards 30. I don't drink, smoke, or do anything remotely interesting. I'm tall at 6'3". I've lost weight, gained weight. Blah.

I'm a thinker more than anything else; I live in my own head. I fantasize about plush, neutral-buoyancy octopusses highland dancing on Voortman wafer Jenga skyscrapers.

My two most important attributes: I absolutely hate the Comedy Network and I absolutely love wiener dogs.

I really hate my neighbours. They listen to Eminem... and sing along.

I don't actually expect to get anything out of this site, but what the hell.

I am the Alpha, the Omega, and the blah

Living the urban white guy apartment lifestyle.

I have a B.A. in Psychology, but I'm at Carleton University finishing a better B.A. in Psychology with a minor in Computer Science and an honours thesis.

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I can see myself doing all sorts of different things, but I can't imagine being stuck in the same job for decades on end.

I'm a creative guy. I'm casually writing a couple of novels and developing some graphic designs, just like everyone else on this site.

Job-wise, I work for the Federal Government. I get paid to wear dressy pants and collared shirts... and to pretend that I understand French.

I'm also embarking on an artistic quest... I'm fun-tacking coloured construction paper to my walls. It's like I'm living in a box of Smarties!

- computer stuff (don't look so surprised)
- fixing stuff
- breaking stuff
- reciting pointless trivia to disinterested people
- critiquing fast food
- not liking new movies
- condescension

*NEW* I make odd alliterative creations. Example:

"Rectal romance remains relatively risque. Remember: rocky road raids require restraint. Rumbling rear? Retreat!"

Quite proud of that one.

That I haven't shaved in days... perhaps weeks.

Books:
- Neuromancer; read it as a teenager, still read it once or twice a year

Movies:
- The Paper Chase (1973)
- Baraka
- Naked Lunch
- M. Butterfly
- Trinity and Beyond

Music:
- Genres: Disco, depressing classical
- I listen to the full Avalanches - Since I Left You album everyday at work
- This passacaglia. It's like an upper-class version of Dueling Banjos... if such a thing were possible
- Larry Levan
- anything on a Scopitone
- anything played by Andrés Segovia

Food:
- Candy necklaces
- Big salads, usually at Toss It Up or Gooney's... I possess a "Frequent Tosser" card

1. Coke Zero / Diet Pepsi Max. I converted to diet drinks a few years ago and these two are my current favourites.

2. Star Trek reruns. First, shut up. Second, I do _not_ own Spock ears or any kind of ST-related costume.

3. Dachshunds. I love wiener dogs. You should, too.

4. Snuggle bedding: the joy of waking up early and going back to sleep. You know what it's like. You wake up, feel warm and comfy, and spend a few minutes in bliss as you snuggle deeper into the pillows and fall asleep again.

5. A quiet place.

6. Garmonbozia.

the 80's and early 90's kids shows that rotted my brain. I swoon whenever I'm flipping through channels and catch a rerun of OWL TV, Circle Square, or Littlest Hobo. And that damn "one two three FOUR FIVE six seven eight NINE TEN, eleven twelve" segment from Sesame Street. It's called Pinball Number Count, if you're interested.

Those shows are my heroin. I could literally sit in a bean bag chair for days just letting their saccharine-sweet goodness lap against my eyeballs.

Dammit, now I'll have to find some Astroboy episodes on YouTube. Excuse me.

a hollow shell of a man. I don't go to bars or clubs, so I usually just stay home and plot revenge against my enemies.

When I was a kid, I was really into WWF wrestling. I mean I was REALLY into WWF wrestling. I wrote a "get well" letter to Hulk Hogan when Earthquake sat on him and injured his neck. I got a "thank you" card in return. It was obviously printed by computer and NOT hand written by the Hulkster himself. That really bummed me out.

The horror...

you can sing the "Who Needs The Kwik-E-Mart" song BY HEART. There'll be a test.

I'm a good listener and (as far as you know) not a psycho stalker. I'm always up for a random chat.

There's almost zero chance that I'll message you first... I don't want to bother anyone or make them uncomfortable. Me? I'm always bothered and uncomfortable, so message away!