Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


47 San Francisco, CA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 35–59
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 10:56am
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Strictly vegetarian
Judaism, but not too serious about it
Taurus, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from masters program
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Likes dogs
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Dashing Dom Seeks Scintillating Sub

I am an experienced Dom seeking a partner who would like to submit to me in the bedroom.

Outside of the bedroom, I work full time at a job that I enjoy, bicycle, read, watch plays/movies, attend jazz performances, play Scrabble, cook, travel, visit art museums and hike. To add a dimension to the places I visit, at night I often read stories about the areas. Although, I don't own a TV, I sometimes watch movies on my heavily customized Mac.

All year I love hiking. In the area, I especially enjoy exploring Mt. Tam and Yosemite. When I'm not outside you can often find me in a museum. I'm a member of the SF MOMA, the De Young and the Academy of Sciences. I have lived in two other countries, which has provided a valuable external perspective, especially for understanding issues like healthcare in the US. I love SF's blend of ethnically distinct neighborhoods, topographically rugged parks, accessibility to great views and proximity to places that at least feel like the wilderness. That's why I settled here.

I have a liberal political view, read the Op-Ed page of the New York Times almost every day and am environmentally/health conscious. (A little more about being environmentally conscious can be found in the "I spend a lot of time thinking about" section.)

I seek a partner who wishes to be submissive with me in the bedroom. In terms of D/s, my partners always have a great deal of power and likewise, I have a lot of power. When playing, I do not feel that they give me their power. Instead they give me the authority to direct that power or surrender that power to me. There is a subtle but important distinction between "power exchange" and what I'm describing. It's like when riding a horse, the horse is still powerful but the horse is allowing its rider to direct its energy or giving the rider part of its agency.

In addition to theory, I have also had a significant amount of experience. I've been in the "scene" since May 2004. Since then I've been in two successive, exclusive, long-term relationships for a total of more than four years. Both of the women submitted to me in the bedroom only. My former partners and I still communicate and occasionally see each other but not to play.

To learn about BDSM, I attended numerous classes and events. After classes I practiced what I learned. I've also been bound, caned, flogged, hooded, mummified, spiced (as in spice play), etc. This has given me a perspective on what the bottom is going through.

In addition, I took a male Dominant intensive taught by pro female Dominants. Much of the intensive was hands-on and the pro-Doms critiqued the student's technique, energy and awareness. I learned that being emotionally/mentally present during play is more important than technique. The feedback during the class was often harsh but I learned a great deal and am glad that I did it.

I take D/s and BDSM fairly seriously. I don't take myself very seriously though and when I make mistakes, I readily apologize. I always play with safe-words, use condoms, wash my toys, respect limits, etc. Also, I'm a member of The Society of Janus and had a mentor during my first year in the scene. References from women I've played with are available.

Photos are available upon request.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
As mentioned above, I work full time in a job I find fulfilling. It pays enough for me to live comfortably and helps others.

Besides my paid work, I have served as a volunteer in many settings, both formally and informally.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Learning, maintaining a sense of wonder, being curious and following my curiosity.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
People often comment about my politeness/courteousness/respectfulness.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
2013 Favorites

Books (2013)
The Unwinding: An Inner History of the New America by George Packer
The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt
The Circle by Dave Eggers
The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman
Detroit: An American Autopsy by Charlie LeDuff
My Promised Land: The Triumph and Tragedy of Israel
by Ari Shavit
Leviathan Wakes by James S.A. Corey
Aimless Love by Billy Collins

Movies (2013)
Rebels With A Cause

Articles (2013)
The Vitamin Myth: Why We Think We Need Supplements by Paul Offit, Atlantic Monthly
The College-Loan Scandal by Matt Taibbi, Rolling Stone


Super Sad True Love Story, Infinite Jest, Cutting for Stone, Middlesex, Kavalier & Clay, The Master and Margarita, The Recognitions, Raymond Chandler, Junot Diaz, Time Traveler's Wife, Homer, Bel Canto, Freedom (Franzen), The Road, The Story of O, Cloud Atlas, Borges, Joyce

Why Nations Fail, Botany of Desire, Into Thin Air, The Big Short, Moneyball, Thinking Fast and Slow, Robert Reich, Malcolm Gladwell, The Better Angels of Our Nature, The Sixth Extinction, Stairway Walks in San Francisco

Adrienne Rich, Yeats, Rilke, Rumi, Hafiz, The Four Quartets, Yehuda Amichai, The Book of Job, Billy Collins

Playwrights, plays
Tom Stoppard, Arthur Miller, Master Harold and the Boys, Pravda (Brenton & Hare), Shakespeare, Copenhagen, The Art of Success, Euripides, Translations (Brian Friel)

Science Fiction
Paolo Bacigalupi, Ready Player One, Neal Stephenson, William Gibson, Ender's Game, Daniel Suarez, Neil Gaiman

Tao te Ching, Tich Nhat Hahn, XKCD, Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone, The Way Things Work, Frank Rich, Elizabeth Warren, Black Mirror (series)

Blade Runner, early Atom Egoyan, Gattica, Hoop Dreams, Three Idiots, Ice Storm, Inside Job, Pollock, Tampopo, Touching the Void, Brazil, Crouching Tiger, Lives of Others, Schindler's List, Erol Morris, The Secretary, Avatar, The Matrix, Batman Begins, Minority Report, Into Eternity (Michael Madsen), Mud, Gravity, Children of Men, Match Point, Barry Levinson's "Baltimore Films"

Dire Straits, Kate Bush, Peter Gabriel, Earth Wind and Fire, Yo Yo Ma, Pat Metheny, Coletrane, U2, Glenn Gould, Stevie Wonder

Asian and Mexican. I'm a vegetarian but don't care what my partner eats. I love sampling Bay Area restaurants. Some favorites include Marnnee Thai, Pomelo, Chai Ya, El Toro, Café Colucci (Ethiopian), Sol Food, Bay Thai.

Recently I've begun visiting a farmers markets and purchasing seasonal fruit.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
✔ Google/Wikipedia and libraries
✔ Tools (I like to fix things and tinker)
✔ Trees, wide-open spaces, sunscreen and rarely DEET
✔ Maps and a compass or a GPS
✔ A sense of wonder
✔ Music (I love Pandora and Spotify)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The digital divide and how to bridge it.

How we construct narrative/identity.

Martin Luther King Jr. wrote: "We are tied together in the single garment of destiny, caught in an inescapable network of mutuality. And whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly." To me this is a fundamental truth. Likewise it is true that "there" is not effectively an elsewhere. We live in such an interconnected world that it's all one big here, under the same sky. So if we release our hazardous wastes "there," they will return here because "here" and "there" are not isolated. In other words, the environment itself is "caught in an inescapable network of mutuality. And whatever affects one [place] directly affects all [places] indirectly." Taken in conjunction, these ideas of people's and the environment's interrelatedness, form the basis of my moral compass.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Exploring San Francisco or at an art gallery.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm not good at knots but that has not prevented me from doing what I want to do. ;-) (Actually, I can do a few knots really well. I've done a lot of technical climbing and occasionally still climb.)
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are a bright woman who is 36-56 years old and you think you would enjoy being submissive with me, at least in the bedroom. Also, you live within an hour's driving radius of SF. (I am NOT interested in "online relationships" or exchanging numerous e-mails prior to meeting.) Also, if you're in a relationship that your partner believes is exclusive, please do not contact me. I will respond to all serious messages. If we meet, my expectation is that our first date will be platonic.

Good luck in your search and thank you for reading.