Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you want this puppy to live! As you read this, I'm holding a puppy
out the window. If I don't receive a message in my inbox within 15
minutes of you reading this, the puppy dies. If you call the
police, the puppy dies. Contact OKCupid, the puppy dies. Accept
that incoming text from Jenny? I say again. This. Puppy. Will. DIE.
So, to recap, If you're a pretty lady who is against puppy
defenestration (can you believe there is a word for death by being
thrown out of a window? Isn't that incredible? At some point in
history it was so prevalent, people being thrown out of widows left
and right, they had to come up with a word for it because saying
"thrown out of a window" was taking too long, so they came up with
defenestration. Yeah. Anyways, what was I saying? Oh yeah the
puppy) you should shoot a message over to this sexy sensitive
bastard right here.
The clock is ticking ladies. Tick tock. Tick tock.
Update: Can't believe the women on this site don't care about dead
Update 2: Y'all are some cold bitches. I'm just saying.
Update 3: please. Someone. Anyone. I can't keep killing these poor,
defenseless, unnervingly cute puppies.
Update 4: I can't keep doing this. When I first got on OKCupid, I
figured I would date a little, throw some puppies out the window,
maybe meet someone really cool. Instead I've wasted my money on
buying litter after litter of adorable puppies, without a single
date to show for it. It's like no matter how many puppies I throw
out the window, it's just not good enough for you. I throw and I
throw and I throw, and I just get nothing in return! Do you have
any idea how that makes me feel?
Update 5: One word ladies: kittens. The clock starts... Now!
or if you just wanna grab a drink or something.