I've decided to update my profile. For a couple of reasons. One I've only had one person contact me in the like 5 years I've had this up, which is kind of sad really. It's probably karma biting my ass as the one person who did contact me I didn't reply to. This leads to my second reason for updating, which is really two reasons now that I think about it. So reason 2A is that it's been a long time and things have changed a lot. Reason 2B is I can now be more completely honest in my profile.
Not long after I made my first profile I contacted Bang_ping. We hit it off pretty quickly and got married a year to the day after our first date. Take that eHarmony! That by the way are words of encouragement if your lonely and looking... Okcupid can work for you! In fact I found my current girlfriend here on OKC as well. Yes that also means I am polyamorous and yes please to free to check my wife's profile to confirm this. As it turns out OKC, clearly does a decent job with match percentages as most of my high matches turn out to liberal tree hugging poly gals. I happen to like liberal tree hugging poly girls so yeah! Until recently however my wife and I have been, somewhat closeted about being poly so I didn't have it in my profile. Circumstances in my life are different now so I can feel safer just coming out and saying so in my profile.
My original profile as I have said hasn't generated many results as far as women contacting me. I didn't really try to sell myself, I just put the facts out there because hey if you did date me you'd see these things anyway so why sugar coat it. Maybe the impression is I'm hiding something worse? I don't really know, I just tend to blunt and honest about everything including myself. In keeping with this I will let you know I do suffer from depression and it is something I have struggled with for a long time. It really doesn't come in to play a lot when I'm dating someone but can be a factor in a more serious relationship.
Another problem I've noticed is the age range of the women I match with. If I set my search at 30+ I get a decent number of high matches, but less poly folks. If I set my search at 18+ my matches triple and I get more poly matches. My trouble is I'm not entirely comfortable contacting a woman in her 20's, even one that includes my age as ok to contact her. It's not that I wouldn't date someone that young, it's more that I don't want to... well be that creepy old guy. But I do think that really good relationships can exist between fairly large age gaps. And for the record I dated a 45 year woman when I was 25 so it can go both ways. So if you fall in that under 30 range and you have any interest at all please contact me. Odds are I'll be to self conscience to contact you.
The following is from my old self summary. I've also added updates to each section as needed.
OKC used to have you pick three words to describe yourself. I liked that and I had said, I am Intelligent, emotional, and inappropriate.
Self-summary? You've got to be kidding. I am a Gemini here! OK, I don't really have much belief in astrology but I have to admit I am a “typical” Gemini. What does that mean? Well I have a wicked sense of humor for one thing and need not be present to witness the results of a prank. Several years ago when I was a teen I burst out laughing when a comedian talking about Gemini's said a Gemini is the type of person who would turn up the heat in a wax museum. My parents having gotten used to me by then looked at me and said oh my god you didn't? Earlier that summer I had indeed turned up the thermostat at a wax museum while we vacationed in Florida. Now, don't condemn me for being destructive! Those places have alarms that go off long before it gets hot enough to damage the sculptures... at least they should... they do don't they? Well if they didn't I bet they do now... A friend of mine once read out loud to me a list of positive Gemini traits... I beamed proudly as she read the list. She then read the list of negative traits, to which I responded with a puzzled looked. OK I said, I have all those traits too, but I don't understand why they are listed as negative? I know I just wrote my entire first paragraph about something I said I really don't believe in all that much. But that is also kind of me.
I don't really believe in anyone thing all that much, yet I find almost everything interesting. Therein lies my problem with doing a self summary. I am an all over the place, eclectic mess. In fact if I could've picked a fourth adjective, or had to pick just one instead of three (it's always three... ), it would have been eclectic. You see I am intelligent, which means I can see the good and bad in most things, and it's only logical to take the best ideas and concepts and combine them into one solution or philosophy. I am emotional, I have no trouble expressing my feelings, and I am not afraid to admit to fear, despair, love and any other emotions guys aren't supposed to have. I also am not ashamed of anger, callousness and other less “desirable” emotions. All feelings have both their need and place in our lives. In short I can be pretty dammed “EMO” at times. I am also inappropriate, at least by normal standards. Basically whenever I am with a group of people who know me, and the conversation leads to an opening for a off color mark, I find all eyes on me, because my friends know I can be counted on to say it. This applies to both sexual and non-PC jokes or remarks. I am flat out NOT a racist or sexist or homophobic. However I find humor in off color jokes that in involve stereo types. I find them funny because they are ridiculous, and untrue yet still contain a little cynical grain truth that cuts to the heart of the human condition and makes fun of a species that clearly needs to learn to laugh, relax and be comfortable with itself. Basically I'll say anything. (NOTE: This has changed, I'm far less likely to make non-PC jokes at least until someone gets to really know me and knows the spirit of my humor and the truth my heart. I've found that otherwise I cause undo anger or worse hurt, and also paint a untrue picture of who I am.)
On the statistical side of things, I am a large overweight man, I made a deal with the universe long ago that if I can keep my hair and not go bald I would gracefully accept gray and not resort to dye. So far mother nature has agreed and I have kept my end of the bargain. Fate however has seen fit to grace me with four children thus assuring the gray part. (UPDATE make that 6 children. Going through the adoption process was one of the reasons to not be openly poly). I have been married twice and divorced 1 and ½ times. I am currently separated with divorce having been filed. (UPDATE: DIVORCE NUMBER TWO NOW COMPLETE)I raised two of my children from my first marriage as a single dad, two boys currently 24 and 22 years of age, their mother was absent and unable to be a significant part of their life until their late teens. My other two children, a girl 11 and a boy 9 are from my currently ending marriage. I am hoping to have joint custody at some point but they are currently living with their mother. The adopted child is 6 and I am raising my grandson who is 4. Financially I am complete failure at this time and unemployed. (UPDATE: CURRENTLY EMPLOYED not much of a job but it's a job) I am not a bum and therefore not happy with this. (UPDATE: Unemployed again but this semi planned and I am a stay at home Dad).