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54 M Seattle, WA

My Details

Last Online
Jul 23
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
A little extra
Not at all
Buddhism, and somewhat serious about it
Gemini, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), French (Okay)

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My self-summary
Why, you ask, am I on okCupid if I am married? Am I cheating? Am I one of those dime-a-dozen middle-aged guys who is looking for cheap sex on the side? Am I generally an asshole?

No, I am not. My marriage is an important legal reality that allows me to take proper care of the woman with whom I had an 18-year relationship. We live in separate houses in separate cities and have lived separate lives since 2008. My financial situation is idiosyncratic, and staying married is "doing the right thing," so I do it.

Obviously, this causes some problems, like the need for an elaborate explanation at the top of my dating profile. It means that a woman who considers getting involved with me must evaluate me to see if I am emotionally available (I am), and if I am capable of sustaining a new relationship and perhaps a new household even as I continue to fulfill my existing obligations (I am). If you think it's worth it, you can judge for yourself.

Now, on to the conventional part of the profile...

I believe a long-term relationship has three elements:
1) we enjoy spending time together, day to day,
2) we are compatible in sex,
3) we want to build a joint life together.

"Dating" is the process of working from the first element toward the last. Since becoming "single" six years ago, I have been in relationships where I got to #2, but I haven't yet reached #3.

So, I'm looking for a woman with whom I can investigate #1!
What I’m doing with my life
I'm unusual, and I expect you will be unusual, too. I'm super-smart, for better and worse. I am contemplative, kind, deliberate and impulsive by turns, cerebral, intense, generous, and sometimes moody if I don't get my introvert recharging time.

I spend a lot of time singing, which I'm learning to do passably well. I'm in three choirs and a couple of small ensembles, and I produce shows and workshops for singers.

At home, I track world affairs on a daily basis from the comfort of my kitchen, using the amazing devices they give us nowadays. I take care of my cat. I see the slow-motion apocalypse crashing toward us like a wave. I take a spiritual attitude toward this disaster: We are facing a transition, and with our imagination and grace we can find a path to safety and renewal.

I like to explore the world, but I don't like to do it alone. I love to go out and see something on the stage, walk around downtown and watch the people, come home and watch "Game of Thrones" or "Foyle's War." I'd like to travel: to see the Northern Lights and the Milky Way galaxy in a sky unobscured by stray light.
I’m really good at
I wield a sharp spreadsheet, when necessary. Some people find my conversation interesting.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I am pleasant and polite: a good conversationalist, interested in other people.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Blogs every day: Krugman, Greenwald, Harper's, Mondoweiss.

In literature: Conan Doyle is my all-time favorite. I love Holmes with his brilliant, anti-social, amoral, supremely penetrating mind which he deploys on the side of the angels.

Also: Dickens, Tolstoy, Dorothy Sayers, Conrad, Fitzgerald, Orwell, William Gibson, various sea and spy stories. Alan Watts for philosophy. Numerous translations of the Tao Te Ching and some Buddhist scripture.

Movies: Matrix, Fargo, Cabaret, Lion In Winter (O'Toole/Hepburn, not Stewart/Close), Repo Man, Philadelphia Story, Godfather (1 & 2) and, at Christmas, It's A Wonderful Life (I always shed a tear, though I know it's corny).

Music: Beatles -- John for meaning, Paul for music. The whole British Invasion, and 70s rock in general. (Yes, I know: a dinosaur!) Barbershop quartets and other folk and choral singing.
The six things I could never do without
Dogs (other peoples', nowadays).
The Internet.
Comfy bed (flannel sheets).
Sunlight in the morning, when available.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The seed of light at the heart of darkness. The weird currents in the tides of history. When's my next rehearsal? Do I have a date? Is there any food in the house?
On a typical Friday night I am
Going out to see a movie or a play, jamming with my buddies, or watching something on the iPad. I have rehearsal several nights of the week, so a lot of my free time is during the day.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm a good cook when I put my mind to it, but I don't give it enough effort.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 40–55
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You know yourself pretty well and you want a new friendship with a mature, considerate man.