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95 Chicago, IL Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Oct 28, 2014
Hispanic / Latin
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Used up
Strictly other
Rather not say
Doesn’t want kids
English, Spanish (Fluently), French (Poorly), Polish (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm the old fart you've been longing to engage because I have the experience all your energetic, pink, and shiny contemporaries lack. What makes me so attractive to you is that I've given up, which makes me grounded. My skin is loose, a little dry, and I smell weird. I voted for Mike you even know who that is? I remember smoking on airplanes, and I'm older than all but one current baseball player.

I grew up idolizing guys like Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino because they got a lot of chicks. You know what happened to Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino? Their shows got canceled because no one wants to see a 50 year-old guy hitting on chicks. I want you to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I look after tenants and sometimes play the bass, the least appreciated instrument in music history. I like it because I can get away with messing up all the time because nobody gives a shit about bass players except other bass players which I don't give a shit about.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
reminiscing about the good old days and telling youngsters their generation is lost. I also excel at giving televangelists lots of donations.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My sagging neck skin.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Shows: reruns of The Price is Right and the Partridge Family.

Music: Glen Miller, the theme from "I Love Lucy", Jim Reeves, the Papas and the Mamas, the theme from "Happy Days", Johnny
Mathis, George Jones, Anne Murray, Nat King Cole, Benny Goodman, Hey man, is that Freedom Rock? Yeah...well turn it UP!

Food: boiled white rice with cubes of cheese, jello, cottage cheese, farmer cheese, pickle tray, brussel sprouts, liver and onions, Total cereal, grape nuts, salisbury steak, grapefruit, buttermilk (straight up), Tom Collins, Ensure, and spoonfuls of peanut butter with sardines sprinkled on top.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I don't know about things I can't do without, but I will tell you I really hate paying taxes, alimony, and buying stuff for unappreciative children who expect me to pay for everything because their mom tells them I'm an asshole.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
how I don't enjoy watching sports of any kind, but I enjoy dressing else would I make up for my decrepit looks? Oh, I know, by having the libido of a thousand bonobos (the hippies of the ape world), which I can only achieve by taking high doses of Viagra.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes at the Dunkin' Donuts parking lot.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Viagra is awesome.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you're tall, bitchy, blonde, snort cocaine, and are into cowboys. No...that's Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface. Well actually, she's not really into cowboys. The woman I'm looking for should be short, own a brewery, and have a flat head. No, I think that's the punchline to a joke. Ok..ok...I think I've got it now. Be a woman, not a girl, a man, or a transexual. Please have all your teeth. Oh, and for all the slow people, a lot of the above is an outright lie.