One word of warning. While I am more than willing to meet people
here for dating I will often message you if i just think I'd like
talking to you or want to chat. Do not assume I'm interested or if
we hit it off that the idea of dating is on my mind. Generally I
like to make it a friend thing and not even think about dating and
just let things happen. If we hit it off and meet and get to be
good friends, sure it can happen, but I really want people to
interact with me as if they thought i had no interest in dating at
all. Just seems more natural and relaxed that way. That being said
I have had, and don't regret, some relationships that began very
quickly. The key is that it happens naturally and not something you
try for.
Ive recently changed a lot, though I'm hesitant to elaborate too much on the details as I prefer my actions to speak for themselves. But one factor that drove that was recent weight loss (170 lbs). Before my weight loss i was always very confident in everything I did, but in relationships if things got serious it has at times caused problems. Even when I had a distant interest in a girl it had made it hard initiating things sometimes (although my love life was active as women would often initiate with me). However the real change in me came recently. I had not had a serious relationship in a long time, partly because I need a level of openness and honestly that most people find very hard, and even harder when they like someone (its natural). However since I lost weight I was able to have meaningful relationships again (and more importantly, was treated with compassion as well). This served me to realize a lot about my body image and how it effected my relationships, finally get over it, and it changed me in a way that was reflected in everything I did since. I find myself more open, honest, and able to express myself without hesitation, it is a very good time in my life.
As a result of all this my approach on dating has changed as well. This has made OKCupid something that sometimes creates a counterproductive start for dating, but certainly this isn't always the case. What has always made dating unappealing to me is the fact that others feel the need to act different. Even when I am not on a date and just chatting on OKC I often get this feeling of being sized up, trying to decide if I'm dating material in the first few messages, then move on or not. Even if i hit it off with someone romantically this is not something I find appealing. I have always felt relationships should be based on a meaningful friendship first and foremost, and both parties should feel confident that will always outshine any relationship. It is important to me that if i ever do give my heart to a woman and it doesn't work out that when the break up happens we will still care about each other and can be close friends in the future. If the friendship is only conditional on the existence of the relationship it doesn't seem to be real to me. This is why I am very close friends with all of my ex's. Of course I also understand this can make a partner suspicious, but, relationships also take a great deal of trust. I am a very loyal person, with a strong sense of will power, I have never cheated on a woman, and never will.
Now that I talked about my view on relationships, onto a bit more about me as a person.
My mothers side (the only side i know closely, and grew up with and see regularly) are pure Italian. I have a large, loving family, and we see each other often. Several times a year we tend to all get together 50 - 100 strong, Christmas, a family picnic, new years. It is also common for family members to throw random pool parties or BBQ and the whole family comes. I am close with my 2nd, even 3rd cousins, and see them often. I try to be a very warm and caring person not just to my family and friends but to strangers. Which is something I'm just now starting to be able to fully express. I have always made it a point since i was younger that anytime i saw a homeless person and had the opportunity I would buy some food, and sit and eat with them, trying to engage them as a friend. It may seem weird, or even creepy, but many of the homeless people in south Philly know me by name. However I never volunteer, not even at homeless shelters. I believe work like that is too personal and should be done on an individual level. On a similar note I will very rarely, but on occasion, take people in I've come to know very well, give them a room to stay and financial support, in an attempt to get them on their feet. When I was young, of course, I made a lot of mistakes doing this. People will use you, and sometimes this can cause problems as it is hard to judge a person who is healthy enough to get better when they still clearly have issues. However I quickly learned how to read people, and now know who i can help and who i can't, and when to let go and kick them out (one of the hardest parts of the process). I find now that 50 percent of the people I've taken in have become successful productive members of society. The other half unfortunately did not. However in the past 13 years I have not once regretted trying to help any of them; in every single case I am still a close friend to them all.
Another thing about me that seems very obvious to others, but have always been reluctant to talk about is my intelligence. My nature is towards humility and i have a strong belief that humility is a very important quality to strive for in myself. However I also realize recently that I sometimes take this too far and actually hide my good qualities when talking about myself. So it is a bit unnatural for me to speak of my good qualities. However it would be impossible for me to paint an accurate picture of who I am if I don't share my intellect. It is not something I think I deserve to be proud of simply because it is the result of circumstances; it isn't something I had to earn. Plus I love to learn, I thrive on it. I spend almost every free minute i have, when I'm not hanging out with friends, learning. Combine this with a brain that seems freakishly able to learn things quickly and it can be a bit off putting in some relationships with women in my past. I have had women tell me they wouldn't date me because my intelligence felt intimidating, and they were ashamed of their own lack of intelligence. Though I have never once wanted to make someone feel less intelligent. I can speed read and absorb a lot of information. I can take in a large school text book back in college, read it in about 10 -15 minutes, and absorb the information and apply it immediately. To this day I usually get very excited when I purchase a new textbook on some obscure subject and can start chugging away at a new domain of knowledge I never even knew existed! My basement is 1/4 filled with textbooks alone!
Some contact info:
AIM: DebeoMorium
Yahoo: DebeoMorium
ICQ: 10171249
MSN: JeffreyFreeman@syncleus.com
gmail: Freemo
Ive recently changed a lot, though I'm hesitant to elaborate too much on the details as I prefer my actions to speak for themselves. But one factor that drove that was recent weight loss (170 lbs). Before my weight loss i was always very confident in everything I did, but in relationships if things got serious it has at times caused problems. Even when I had a distant interest in a girl it had made it hard initiating things sometimes (although my love life was active as women would often initiate with me). However the real change in me came recently. I had not had a serious relationship in a long time, partly because I need a level of openness and honestly that most people find very hard, and even harder when they like someone (its natural). However since I lost weight I was able to have meaningful relationships again (and more importantly, was treated with compassion as well). This served me to realize a lot about my body image and how it effected my relationships, finally get over it, and it changed me in a way that was reflected in everything I did since. I find myself more open, honest, and able to express myself without hesitation, it is a very good time in my life.
As a result of all this my approach on dating has changed as well. This has made OKCupid something that sometimes creates a counterproductive start for dating, but certainly this isn't always the case. What has always made dating unappealing to me is the fact that others feel the need to act different. Even when I am not on a date and just chatting on OKC I often get this feeling of being sized up, trying to decide if I'm dating material in the first few messages, then move on or not. Even if i hit it off with someone romantically this is not something I find appealing. I have always felt relationships should be based on a meaningful friendship first and foremost, and both parties should feel confident that will always outshine any relationship. It is important to me that if i ever do give my heart to a woman and it doesn't work out that when the break up happens we will still care about each other and can be close friends in the future. If the friendship is only conditional on the existence of the relationship it doesn't seem to be real to me. This is why I am very close friends with all of my ex's. Of course I also understand this can make a partner suspicious, but, relationships also take a great deal of trust. I am a very loyal person, with a strong sense of will power, I have never cheated on a woman, and never will.
Now that I talked about my view on relationships, onto a bit more about me as a person.
My mothers side (the only side i know closely, and grew up with and see regularly) are pure Italian. I have a large, loving family, and we see each other often. Several times a year we tend to all get together 50 - 100 strong, Christmas, a family picnic, new years. It is also common for family members to throw random pool parties or BBQ and the whole family comes. I am close with my 2nd, even 3rd cousins, and see them often. I try to be a very warm and caring person not just to my family and friends but to strangers. Which is something I'm just now starting to be able to fully express. I have always made it a point since i was younger that anytime i saw a homeless person and had the opportunity I would buy some food, and sit and eat with them, trying to engage them as a friend. It may seem weird, or even creepy, but many of the homeless people in south Philly know me by name. However I never volunteer, not even at homeless shelters. I believe work like that is too personal and should be done on an individual level. On a similar note I will very rarely, but on occasion, take people in I've come to know very well, give them a room to stay and financial support, in an attempt to get them on their feet. When I was young, of course, I made a lot of mistakes doing this. People will use you, and sometimes this can cause problems as it is hard to judge a person who is healthy enough to get better when they still clearly have issues. However I quickly learned how to read people, and now know who i can help and who i can't, and when to let go and kick them out (one of the hardest parts of the process). I find now that 50 percent of the people I've taken in have become successful productive members of society. The other half unfortunately did not. However in the past 13 years I have not once regretted trying to help any of them; in every single case I am still a close friend to them all.
Another thing about me that seems very obvious to others, but have always been reluctant to talk about is my intelligence. My nature is towards humility and i have a strong belief that humility is a very important quality to strive for in myself. However I also realize recently that I sometimes take this too far and actually hide my good qualities when talking about myself. So it is a bit unnatural for me to speak of my good qualities. However it would be impossible for me to paint an accurate picture of who I am if I don't share my intellect. It is not something I think I deserve to be proud of simply because it is the result of circumstances; it isn't something I had to earn. Plus I love to learn, I thrive on it. I spend almost every free minute i have, when I'm not hanging out with friends, learning. Combine this with a brain that seems freakishly able to learn things quickly and it can be a bit off putting in some relationships with women in my past. I have had women tell me they wouldn't date me because my intelligence felt intimidating, and they were ashamed of their own lack of intelligence. Though I have never once wanted to make someone feel less intelligent. I can speed read and absorb a lot of information. I can take in a large school text book back in college, read it in about 10 -15 minutes, and absorb the information and apply it immediately. To this day I usually get very excited when I purchase a new textbook on some obscure subject and can start chugging away at a new domain of knowledge I never even knew existed! My basement is 1/4 filled with textbooks alone!
Some contact info:
AIM: DebeoMorium
Yahoo: DebeoMorium
ICQ: 10171249
MSN: JeffreyFreeman@syncleus.com
gmail: Freemo
