If you can relate to this statement, we'll probably get along. If you're offended by it.. well, you get the point.
Ill try my luck anyway!
I'm a smart ass. In fact, My ass is SO smart, that It was accepted to Harvard but couldn't attend because they saw that I was still attached to it. My ass might very well be the smartest part of me, regrettably...
I'm just a real guy, I'm not trying to be someone else for the sake of getting a date on here. With that in mind, I wont reveal too much about myself therefore, A) Encouraging more questions,and B) Preventing pre-judgment in you the reader! Isn't that how we do it in real life?
I'm looking for an adventurous and creative type of woman with some sort of edge to her. But most of all, be original. Surprise me!
I happen to have a friend here on OK cupid (that's a girl)
that recently started a profile. To my astonishment, she literally gets about 50 or more views a day, and at least 10 pointless or inappropriate messages in the same time frame. With that knowledge, I've now experienced what most of you frustrated ladies are going through by simply having a profile with pictures on this dating circus, and that if you bother responding to even one of my most cleverly spun e-mails, its totally AMAZING! I am most grateful for you taking the time to do so..because I would never have the patience it if the situation was reversed.
With that said,
If you are wondering why my profile is so direct, and so full of hard criticism, consider the fact that I'm competing with Millions of horny, creepy dudes that might be married or live in their mom's basement. Now I don't scan other men's profiles, but I figure most guys on here meet that description, therefore it lessens my chances of you responding to my witty attempts, (as I stated previously) as you probably DO assume I'm a creepy dude from NJ that lives in his moms basement.
I simply write MY profile in an attempt to STAND OUT. I know it does. Perhaps it offends, perhaps it confuses, perhaps it's simply is too long for anyone to want to read. The bottom line is that it's unique. Sometimes people say: "Hey, why don't you just play ball and write a bullshit, optimistic profile like everyone else on here? You'll probably get more dates you know!" But the truth is, I wouldn't even know where to start.
Voice impersonations, I can do anyone..try me.
I sort of play guitar.
I have perfect pitch. Test me.
I can Beatbox like motha-fu*ka
I used to be able to breathe fire, but please don't ask me to try that one anymore.
They also say I'm good with all that Photoshop business, but I don't really see how that's much of a skill. It's kind of just a Knee-Jerk reaction at this point. Yes, all of my pics are totally fake. I'm really 300lbs.
Movies, i would say are a very important part if my life, what can I say? Im a movie snob! Infact, it seems I'm SUCH a movie snob that I strongly believe that pretty much 90 percent of movies that come out these days are total crap. I truly believe that there is very little creativity left in this medium and that a majority of the movies made these days are to sell products to easily brainwashed masses. But you already knew that.
Lets talk about what I LIKE rather than what I DON'T like. I would say I'm really into Sci-Fi and Horror. Especially stuff from the 50s and 60s. I also have a soft spot or ridiculous action films. The 80s were of course the golden age of these fabulous body counts! Last but not least, I totally dig Italian spaghetti Westerns.. In Italian preferably. Ask me about movies if you don't want me to shut up...Ii can go on forever.
Musically, I would say I’m not so predictable:
I don't really like labels, but..
I'm into Punk, Metal, Ridiculous Metal, Prog. Rock, Goth, Electronic, Even some o’ that Country is ok.. as long as its about fu*ked up subject matter. I do consider myself a music snob. That means I might hate your music.
Please be a music snob too, I feel very lonely is this world and in this current age of music. I've also become a record addict, Take me record shopping and win my heart.
Food: I don't l like seafood. Seriously. Indian is cool, as well as other spicy things!
Also..what role would i fill in a previous decade, for example: who would I be if it were the 1890s? if it were the 1920s? if it were the 1950s? The 80s?
All interesting questions...
I also frequently contemplate my inevitable corpse and where it will end up.
I don't float in water well. To top that off, I cant swim. Bummer.
I might have trouble hearing you in a loud bar/restaurant situation (like a date). My hearing has endured years of abuse by loud metal music, and now I'm paying the price.
I recently confirmed my Canadian Citizenship. I mean hey, can you blame me? But please ladies, no marriage proposals..
Also, I've been seriously contemplating how much better life might be as a Cyborg.
Sometimes I'll watch a Nickelback video in order to torture myself and remind me that all is not good in this world. Is that weird?
Maybe I do things like that because I went to Catholic school?
You want to go on long distance road trips to far away places on the weekends for the purpose of photographing strange things.
I'm looking for someone that can sit me down, shut me up, teach me 10 things that I don't already know.. and make me laugh while you're at it.
You are switched-on and you have an opinion.
You're in the market for a creative, down to earth individual with a touch of sarcasm in nearly everything he says.
You actually have a real SENSE OF HUMOR, extra points if yours is as morbid and dark as my own.
You have many Books about Death
You are the real thing.
Otherwise, go ahead, Make my day...