Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
They keep telling me that this site caters to the hipster. Well...I
regret to inform you that I don't quite meet that criteria for a
number of reasons, Two of which include: The fact that I was born
and raised here, and that that my rent is not paid by my upper
middle class parents back in the suburbs in Ohio.
If you can relate to this statement, we'll probably get along. If
you're offended by it.. well, you get the point.
Ill try my luck anyway!
I'm a smart ass. In fact, My ass is SO smart, that It was accepted
to Harvard but couldn't attend because they saw that I was still
attached to it. My ass might very well be the smartest part of me,
I'm just a real guy, I'm not trying to be someone else for the sake
of getting a date on here. With that in mind, I wont reveal too
much about myself therefore, A) Encouraging more questions,and B)
Preventing pre-judgment in you the reader! Isn't that how we do it
in real life?
I'm looking for an adventurous and creative type of woman with some
sort of edge to her. But most of all, be original. Surprise
I happen to have a friend here on OK cupid (that's a girl)
that recently started a profile. To my astonishment, she literally
gets about 50 or more views a day, and at least 10 pointless or
inappropriate messages in the same time frame. With that knowledge,
I've now experienced what most of you frustrated ladies are going
through by simply having a profile with pictures on this dating
circus, and that if you bother responding to even one of my most
cleverly spun e-mails, its totally AMAZING! I am most grateful for
you taking the time to do so..because I would never have the
patience it if the situation was reversed.
With that said,
If you are wondering why my profile is so direct, and so full of
hard criticism, consider the fact that I'm competing with Millions
of horny, creepy dudes that might be married or live in their mom's
basement. Now I don't scan other men's profiles, but I figure most
guys on here meet that description, therefore it lessens my chances
of you responding to my witty attempts, (as I stated previously) as
you probably DO assume I'm a creepy dude from NJ that lives in his
I simply write MY profile in an attempt to STAND OUT. I know it
does. Perhaps it offends, perhaps it confuses, perhaps it's simply
is too long for anyone to want to read. The bottom line is that
it's unique. Sometimes people say: "Hey, why don't you just play
ball and write a bullshit, optimistic profile like everyone else on
here? You'll probably get more dates you know!" But the truth is, I
wouldn't even know where to start.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm a photo retoucher/designer turned evil. I'm also a rising
internet sensation. See:
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I fly planes and I crash cars, but sometimes I fly cars and I crash
Voice impersonations, I can do anyone..try me.
I sort of play guitar.
I have perfect pitch. Test me.
I can Beatbox like motha-fu*ka
I used to be able to breathe fire, but please don't ask me to try
that one anymore.
They also say I'm good with all that Photoshop business, but I
don't really see how that's much of a skill. It's kind of just a
Knee-Jerk reaction at this point. Yes, all of my pics are totally
fake. I'm really 300lbs.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
For books, I enjoy reading Sci-Fi Dystopia. I'm also a big fan of
Self-Destructive novelists that choose to write about there own
mixed up lives. Books like these simply allow me to feel better
about the things I'm doing wrong in my life. I'm also a major
Movies, i would say are a very important part if my life, what can
I say? Im a movie snob! Infact, it seems I'm SUCH a movie snob that
I strongly believe that pretty much 90 percent of movies that come
out these days are total crap. I truly believe that there is very
little creativity left in this medium and that a majority of the
movies made these days are to sell products to easily brainwashed
masses. But you already knew that.
Lets talk about what I LIKE rather than what I DON'T like. I would
say I'm really into Sci-Fi and Horror. Especially stuff from the
50s and 60s. I also have a soft spot or ridiculous action films.
The 80s were of course the golden age of these fabulous body
counts! Last but not least, I totally dig Italian spaghetti
Westerns.. In Italian preferably. Ask me about movies if you don't
want me to shut up...Ii can go on forever.
Musically, I would say I’m not so predictable:
I don't really like labels, but..
I'm into Punk, Metal, Ridiculous Metal, Prog. Rock, Goth,
Electronic, Even some o’ that Country is ok.. as long as its about
fu*ked up subject matter. I do consider myself a music snob. That
means I might hate your music.
Please be a music snob too, I feel very lonely is this world and in
this current age of music. I've also become a record addict, Take
me record shopping and win my heart.
Food: I don't l like seafood. Seriously. Indian is cool, as well as
other spicy things!
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Guitars, music, defiance, creativity, photoshop, questions.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
If machines were to come to rule this planet one day, how useful I
would really be to them. What I mean is that my job and my skills
serve them no purpose whatsoever! Perhaps I would be reduced into
fertilizer to help feed the "useful" human population. But who
would they be?
Also..what role would i fill in a previous decade, for example: who
would I be if it were the 1890s? if it were the 1920s? if it were
the 1950s? The 80s?
All interesting questions...
I also frequently contemplate
My inevitable Corpse, and where it will end up.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Keeping out of trouble. Results may vary.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I find that my potential dates on OKcupid that reside in the city,
(where I used to live) have High match numbers with me, and those
who live in the suburbs (where I now live) have very low scores.
I'm not sure I understand the reason for this, can one of you
charming and intelligent ladies explain?
I don't float in water well. To top that off, I cant swim.
I might have trouble hearing you in a loud bar/restaurant situation
(like a date). My hearing has endured years of abuse by loud metal
music, and now I'm paying the price.
I recently confirmed my Canadian Citizenship. I mean hey, can you
blame me? But please ladies, no marriage proposals ok?
Also, I've been seriously contemplating how much better life might
be as a Cyborg.
Sometimes I'll watch a Nickelback video in order to torture myself
and remind me that all is not good in this world. Is that
Maybe I do things like that because I went to Catholic school?
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I used to be set on finding that someone that doesn't have a great
deal of emotional baggage, but then one day I woke up and realized
that at OUR age, we are ALL crazy. So in other words, its ok for
you to be crazy, because at this stage in the game, I'm far from
You want to go on long distance road trips to far away places on
the weekends for the purpose of photographing strange things.
I'm looking for someone that can sit me down, shut me up, teach me
10 things that I don't already know.. and make me laugh while
you're at it.
You are switched-on and you have an opinion.
You're in the market for a creative, down to earth individual with
a touch of sarcasm in nearly everything he says.
You actually have a real, authentic SENSE OF HUMOR. You'll be
surprised how many of you don't.
You have many Books about Death
You are the real thing.
Otherwise, go ahead, Make my day...
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.