Are you looking for something different?
Are you looking for someone who doesn’t take life seriously? Do you want someone who likes the simple things, such as the smell of mown grass, a bird chirping, and burglary? Want someone to take you on an adventure? Want someone creative who draws, writes and acts a lot? Perhaps you’d like to be with someone who likes to have fun and refuses to let others be sad?
Well, you’ve come to the right place!
But wait! There’s more!
For a limited time only, I will repel spiders in your home. No more scary shit in your basement! With a 92% success rate, I will automatically banish any spiders within a mile radius of your home!
Message now, and you’ll get not one, not two, but THREE KITTENS IN THE POST! These kittens are bred to be the cutest things in all of existence. How cute are these kittens? 10 OUT OF 10 ON SEAN CONNERY’S OFFICIAL CUTE-O-METER, THAT’S HOW CUTE! THESE KITTENS LIGHT UP THE HOUSE LIKE IT’S MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS.
Message now to take advantage of this limited time offer!
*please note, if the kittens are out of stock, you shall receive a complimentary ant-farm, or failing this, a jar of filth and ash.