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49 M San Francisco, CA

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 26–49
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Sep 16
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), Yiddish (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Excuse me while I just offer a few tips and such with regard to online dating and mankind as a whole.

Us men are generally very visual and specific in our physical tastes. Ladies, seriously, show your whole body in at least some of your photos. We can't help it. It's the way we're wired. If that's offensive and seems superficial, I apologize on behalf of my half of the human race.

Not to worry though! Dudes are all different. You know, more or less. Some dudes like little butts. Some dudes like big butts (or there wouldn't be a fucking SONG! Hmm, I wonder why there isn't a song about little butts actually?). Anyway, deal with it. OWN YOUR ASS! (ooh, good workout video title! Don't fucking steal it or I'll have a busload of lawyers up your ass. Which is a fucking GREAT title for a porn video! BUSLOAD OF LAWYERS UP HER ASS. And by now you should know not to steal my video titles!)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Where was I?

Oh yes, apologizing. So, while I'm at it I'll go ahead and apologize for the WHOLE human race. I mean, what a bunch of fucking douche bags we turned out to be. Again, I'm generalizing. And I'm sure you're a wonderful person, as am I. However, when you stop to consider all of the hubris, waste and destruction, I mean good fucking god! Someone give us a good kick in the teeth. That said, I DO own my part of it. I'm aware of my own hubris, waste and destruction and try to keep it to a minimum.

[Oh, he's finally talking about himself. Jesus Christ, four paragraphs in.]
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Getting back to the point, I like LITTLE butts...
(...and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung...)

Mr. Mix-a-lot. Excuse me, SIR Mix-a-lot, actually likes BIG butts as the song goes. So, here's sort of the spectrum we're talking about, right?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
But let's not forget proportions! This is a critical element as well. And this I can speak to with some degree of authority, as I have a degree in art. And not just art, but FINE art! That's right, I have a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree, which is WAY better than your ordinary Bachelor of Arts degree for obvious reasons. It's FINER.

Think of it this way, I think we can all agree that there can exist a 6' 3" woman who is drop dead gorgeous. Gabrielle Reece, to name one. (Or at least she used to be. Ouch!) And there can exist a 5' 3" woman who is also drop dead gorgeous. Mila Kunis, to name one. Now imagine the difference in their physical dimensions. (Google doesn't have records on this or I would site them here.) And now imagine taking Mila Kunis' ass and replacing it with Gabrielle Reece's ass (from say 20 years ago). That would a.) leave a nasty scar but b.) Gabrielle Reece's ass (from say 20 years ago) would look fucking HUGE on tiny Mila Kunis.

(And yes, now I'm regretting choosing an example that isn't more current than Gabrielle Reece from say 20 years ago.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Stay with me here. Now, if we look at Gabrielle Reece's ass (from say 20 years ago) on HER in a full body shot or if we look at Mila Kunis in a full body shot, both drop dead gorgeous. But if we look at Mila Kunis wearing GABRIELLE REECE'S ASS (from say 20 years ago) in a full body shot, her proportions would be greatly transformed in a way that more aligns to Sir Mix-a-lot's desires than my own. (You remember, he's the fellow who is partial to big butts.)

So proportions are a very important factor to glean for the primordial male brain and can only be gleaned online from the FULL BODY SHOT (not to be confused with frat party body shots — totally different animal. However, thinking about it, would provide the necessary data for our purposes as well).

Next up: TITS!
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Now here we have a VERY DIFFERENT story. While some dudes only like big tits and others may only like small tits. I actually DON'T GIVE A SHIT! I love all sized tits on women, from mosquito bites up to DDD hanging floppers. Real or fake. (If they're in my hands, they're REAL!)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
And there's science to back all of this up, if you doubt it. I saw it in a PBS documentary once. It has to do with evolution (of course) and how the classic hour glass figure (particularly, BELOW the tits) indicates a woman's fertility. And if a woman has a thick waist, our primordial brains’ see that woman as already knocked up (whether that happens to be the case or not) and therefore not worth pursuing or wasting our seed within. "Must... perpetuate... species" were the watchwords of the day. (Today? Not so much.) Nonetheless, there, in THE PROPORTION OF WAIST-TO-ASS lies the underpinnings of all heterosexual human male's sexual attraction as it relates to women. Of which we have no control because this is a factory setting that's built into our firmware. (Get it? Firmware?)

(Ok, there might be some credence to the idea that what our moms' bodily dimensions were when we were babies factors in here as well. The Nature vs. Nurture debate takes place down the hall, Wednesdays at 3:15 pm. I can’t make it this week.)
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
So, as I blather slowly to the close of my diatribe, let us review. Shall we?

1. Men are evolutionarily superficial and we just can't help it.
2. I like little butts
3. I'm great at naming videos, be they for self-improvement or self-indulgence.
4. I graciously apologize for large swaths of the human race.
5. I'm terrible at choosing examples of current 6' 3" nicely proportioned beautiful women.
6. I like all tits.
7. Science and whatnot.
8. I'm good at synopsizing and making lists.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
One more thing. We (men) will need to see your face as well. (At first, I thought this just way too obvious to even mention but I have learned otherwise.)

In the next semester we will be covering The Meet-up: Body Language and the Importance of Olfactory Compatibility. For a full curriculum with bibliography please see the dean.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you've got something you need to say to me, just SAY it already!