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23 M Portland, OR

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 7:05pm
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Strictly other
Not at all
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Pisces, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from two-year college
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but wants them
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I'm a secret agent for the U.S. government, a professional hang glider, a neurosurgeon, a master of the piano and fencing, and I only have hair on my fingers past the second joint on my left hand. I also slay dragons during my weekends, tour with my garage band The Knights of Whatever during weeknights, go on road trips to Europe once per month, and save kittens from trees that are on fire with my telekinesis constantly.

I can type 1000 WPM, have eight PhD degrees, speak thirty languages, am a black belt in Judo, Karate, Kung Fu and Jiu Jitsu, and I drive a $500,000 Lamborghini and crash it into a telephone pole every day, then buy a new one for the next day.

If I ever invite you to the place I live, you are someone special. If you ever leave alive, you are even more special. I like long walks on the beach, candle-light dinners, and cheesy romantic comedies featuring ruggedly handsome lead male actors for my dates to dote over. That is, if I went on dates.

So now for what matters: I like to talk to people a lot, I'm curious about and learn about things in my free time, I eat salad, I don't have my own wheels yet, I live with my mom, I like to occasionally LARP and pretend I'm a vampire, there's a lot of things I think sound cool to learn to do and then don't get around to learning them, I think its bullshit that the minimum wage is not a livable wage, politics suck, everyone should have lots of sex, women and men are equals, I like puppies, I like kids (in a not creepy way), and I'm totally not on here just for pussy. Pussy is overrated.

I like to read just about every genre, I can't wait until I can pull off a neatly-trimmed beard with a crisp long-sleeve shirt and a vest, I'm short, I like music but I don't spend a lot of time exploring new stuff (only occasionally), I almost lost my mind dropping acid a long time ago, I don't do drugs or smoke/drink anything anymore but I'm cool with those that do, I have a thing for redheads and red lipstick, my favorite colors are blue and silver, I wish I was a wizard in Harry Potter, whenever I watch a show/read a book I fantasize about being/doing whatever those characters do, I love reading comics, I spend too much time on computers, I work at a call center full-time, and I certainly don't even feel like a young adult yet.

Oh, and my name is Chris.
What I’m doing with my life
learn the drums
live in a big house with a small group of close friends
start a garage band with those friends
regularly play tabletop RPGs and video games with friends, like, once per month or so at least.
get in super good shape at least once in my life.
maybe learn another language? likely not gonna happen.
I'd say travel but its expensive and I don't much like big risks, though the idea of meeting people sounds nice.
maybe someday learn how to build my own Earth-friendly house, though it probably takes years of education just to learn the basics, but the idea of living in a fancy hole-in-the-ground sounds appealing to me for some reason. Again, just sounds nice.
hoping to find someone to cuddle, chat, and make lame sexual innuendos with while watching sitcoms through Netflix online.
I’m really good at
typing run-on sentences because fuck the haters
picking up heavy things and putting them down (like your mom)
making dad jokes
having awesome eyebrows
assuming everyone wants to make some sort of meaningful connection with another person
shit if I know.
The first things people usually notice about me
Ask them. I often get told I look familiar, I'm short, I have hairy forearms, sometimes I look like a hipster, I can be odd, and sometimes when I laugh, I'm told I sound like a comic book villain.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books! Classics, sci-fi, erotica, medieval fiction and crime noir are pretty rad, as well as fantasy. Ask me about some of my favorites, I like talking about books.

Movies! Almost everything by Quentin Tarantino and everything by Kevin Smith, Indiana Jones kicks ass, I like stuff with monsters and aliens, and Hayao Miyazaki films are the bee's knees, plus a lot more.

Shows! Mercifully few: Supernatural, Game of Thrones, Law and Order SVU and NCIS are all pretty rad, Doctor Who is brilliant, and a fair number of other shows are pretty rad, too.

Music! Classic rock, jazz, ragtime, swing, honkytonk, non-religious country, folk, Creedence Clearwater Revival, some fantasy metal aka Dragonforce/Hammerfall and Iron Maiden are all fantastic. Especially stuff like Cage the Elephant, too. Road trip music!

Food! It'd be easier to say what I don't like: pickles, mustard, relish, potato/macaroni/egg salad, deviled eggs, spicy food that's hotter than mild, and unspiced/unseasoned vegetables.
The six things I could never do without
Showers, something soft to sleep on, conversation, serenity, courage, wisdom
I spend a lot of time thinking about
ethics and morality of my own actions.
things I'd like to learn to do (carpentry, guitar, bass and drums, making clothing, speaking a foreign language, etc.)
my anxiety
what I'm supposed to remember, but already forgot
why I make Sims characters that do everything I'd ideally do, but then I wouldn't do things the way they do haha

I tend to get stuck in loops where I'll think about something, then think about why I thought that, then think about why I thought about thinking about why I thought that, ad infinitum.

How to get people to open up! I don't ask personal questions entirely to judge character (everyone judges), but I *do* use them as topics of conversation. If people know more about themselves than anything else, then why not ask them about them?
On a typical Friday night I am
Working, reading, cooking, watching a show online, playing guitar, meditating, stretching, having dinner, or chatting with friends via Facebook, usually.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I wonder what kind of person I would've turned out to be if my father hadn't died after I graduated high school.

I'm still determining my identity, and how I fit into this world. Part of it has to do with nearly losing my mind on LSD, and part is just the normal process of growing up.

I don't remember shit, unless if its something I'm particularly attached to/interested in.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–35
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
I don't message you, you think I'm attractive or you're intrigued by me in one way or another. I don't talk to people that won't hold a conversation, one-word replies are bullshit, yo.

OR, if you know where I can get a full-time job paying at least $13/hour, PLEASE message me and tell me where and how I can apply.