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DionysusAtPeace

42 F Tahlequah, OK

I’m looking for

  • Everybody
  • Ages 18–100
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends

My Details

Last Online
Oct 29
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Fit
Diet
Mostly vegetarian
Smokes
No
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism
Sign
Gemini, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Income
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Monogamous
Offspring
Has a kid, but doesn’t want more
Pets
Likes cats
Speaks
English

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
First of all, let me attempt to save some of you some time and effort: I am in a monogamous relationship with a person I’m extremely fond of and not at all looking to replace and I really, really mean that. So if you are only interested in dating or sex or the “beneficial” kind of friendship and not in slow-paced conversations for their own sake or friendships that will never become romantic or sexual, you’re only going to end up disappointed with me, so it would be best to stop right here and look elsewhere. Okay, then!

~~~

I briefly left OKCupid after I met my boyfriend (txdarkangel) here. I came back ostensibly just for the fun of taking tests and comparing my results to his. But it turns out that I'm really here for several reasons (both positive and negative), including exploration of self and others and self through others, attention, validation, and distraction.

This kind of social venue is highly satisfying to an introvert like me who is fascinated with people. I enjoy reading profiles and explanations of answers to questions and looking at photos and test results. I also think I could probably be happy corresponding with people all day long. The problem is that I don’t really have much time for that (or shouldn't be taking so much time for it). I have many other priorities and find it challenging enough to keep up with the people who are already in my life. But, if I find something that compels me in your profile, I might message you about it and if you find something that compels you in mine, you are welcome to message me. Many factors and whims may influence whether and how I respond, so don’t be offended if I don’t reply (it's not necessarily because I didn't want or intend to) and don’t expect me to be timely or consistent if I do.

Anyway, here’s what remains of my previous profile, increasingly modified as time goes on:

I still haven’t got it all together. And I’m still stumbling down a healing path of awareness, acceptance, and love, not knowing where that will ultimately take me. I want to drop preconceived ideas of who I am and who I should be (and who others are and who they should be) and just discover myself (and others and everything) in every moment. I want to move through ambivalence and loosen up my idealism in order to balance my life of introspection with outer experience, experimenting with taking more action, accepting failure as part of the process, and feeling my way through life. And yet at the same time, I want to step out from under the crushing pressure of the overwhelming amount of things I tell myself I could be doing and learning and get better at just being. I want to open myself up, allowing myself to flow freely with life, experiencing everything it has to offer me in every moment and allowing whatever it has to offer to others through me to flow out.

Well, that’s all fine and good, but I still haven’t given up trying to define myself even though I’m also trying not to limit myself to those definitions, so here are some more specific things about me up to this point:

I meander through most spheres of life at a very leisurely pace, often lost in contemplation or a quest for perfection. I tend to focus best on one thing at a time.

I prefer interacting with others one-on-one and sometimes, for limited amounts of time, in small, intimate groups.

I process information slowly and feel that I am better at expressing myself in writing (a slow and laborious process that I love) than verbally.

So, fewer experiences is fine with me. I want to extract as much as I can from each one.

Like everyone else, I’ve been damaged.

Other things: I'd rather relocate (and mostly do...sorry mosquitoes, fruit flies, and a few other insects) than kill little creatures that find their way into my home. I like, and sometimes need, silence. I love discovering accidental scenes of beauty, unintended humor, secondhand treasures for next to nothing, and any other unexpected pleasure. I’m a night owl. I’m both delicate and strong. Sometimes I lick my plate. I love order but I really have to work at creating it. I want to always approach life as a series of interesting problems to solve…or just to let go of. I’m generally, theoretically at least, an advocate of radical honesty; being honest with oneself can be the trickiest part.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Raising my ten-year-old daughter in the most helpful and respectful way I can manage while dealing with all the things she reflects to me. Supporting her in following her own natural course of learning and unschooling myself so that I can follow that same path. Doing paid work 15 hours per week and sort of attempting to learn web development skills so that I could possibly join my partner and boyfriend in their work. Maintaining my health through eating relatively well, working out, yoga, getting enough sleep, and trying to avoid toxins, including stress. Following a simple homemaking routine. Discarding things that don’t enrich my life. Maintaining supportive relationships with a handful of people. Still living with my daughter’s father as a co-parent, domestic partner, and friend, even though we dissolved our romantic ties years ago.

From all outward appearances, it may look like I am not doing much with my life. And I’m getting more okay with that.

I’d like to spend more time in nature because it’s so restorative. I’d also like to travel someday.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Listening with compassion and interest. Asking questions. Appreciating details and simple things. Seeing many sides of an issue. Contradicting myself. Overthinking things. Getting easily overwhelmed. Cutting thin, even slices from homemade loaves of bread. Making cakes that look awful but taste really good.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Writings -
The last ten or so things I read/am reading that I thought worth mentioning:

-Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, by David Sedaris
-Self-Therapy, by Jay Earley, PhD (a book about Internal Family Systems therapy)
-The Diamond Age: Or, A Young Lady's Illustrated Primer, by Neal Stephenson (loved this!)
-The Deepest Acceptance: Radical Awakening in Ordinary Life, by Jeff Foster
-The One Thing Holding You Back: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Connection, by Raphael Cushnir - While I'm not so fond of what I perceive as gimmicky marketing ("do this and I guarantee all your dreams will come true!"), it is the most concise and helpful material I've read so far on how to feel emotions (and if that sounds obvious and/or ridiculous to you, talk to me about it!).
-Journal of a Solitude, by May Sarton
-Breathwork: Exploring the Frontier of 'Being' and 'Doing,' by
Diane Zimberhoff, M.A., and David Hartman, MSW, in the Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies
-Various online poems by Billy Collins
-Dear Life: Stories, by Alice Munro

Here's something else I read that made me laugh and cry: "Adventures in Depression" - Parts One and Two

And for some reason, I feel that I also want to mention Playing By Heart: The Vision and Practice of Belonging, by O. Fred Donaldson and The Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment, by Thaddeus Golas, which is found in entirety here.

Movies -
Trying to pare down a list of favorite movies is way too frustrating, so I'm just going to list ones that stand out, for better or worse, as I see them, from most to least recently:

-Primer
-Lost Highway - My boyfriend was kind enough to tolerate my commentary throughout this movie, which he had seen before, understanding that it was my way of coping with it. (Generally, I don't approve of talking much, sometimes at all, during movies.) I didn't think I liked it, but the more I think about it and read about how other people interpreted it and what David Lynch himself had to say about it, the more I appreciate it.
-Amélie - still one of my very favorites.
-Fight Club made me think about getting down to the fundamentals of existence, sorting out the things that really matter, and getting intensely present in our own lives.
-The Talented Mr. Ripley traumatized me tremendously and I will never do that to myself again.
-The Spirit of the Beehive - I loved the way it lingered over the details of its subjects, and the rich and powerful silence in it.
-Exit Through the Gift Shop

Shows -
I don't watch much TV these days, but my favorites from the past were: Northern Exposure, Masterpiece Theatre, Nature, Daria, NOW with Bill Moyers, Freaks and Geeks, Babylon 5

Music -
Old favorites - Tori Amos (up through Scarlet's Walk), Baroque music, Enya, Davíd Garza (1992-2001), The Innocence Mission (up through Birds of Our Neighborhood), Loreena McKennitt, Radiohead, Renaissance music, and much, much more

Stuff that I've gotten into more recently, in chronological order - Sufjan Stevens, Regina Spektor, Covenant, Imogen Heap, The Birthday Massacre, Apoptygma Berzerk, Fiona Apple, Tool, Massive Attack, Switchblade Symphony, Amanda Palmer, NIN, Universal Hall Pass, Amon Tobin, Rotersand

I've had an influx of goth-y people (okay, three) in my life since 2011 and they have introduced me to their music (goth, industrial, and a million related genres and sub-genres), much of which I like and is slowly finding its way into the above list.

I've taken to creating playlists of songs I come across on internet radio or via other people, that appeal to me in one way or another. Here are some of them:
-Stuff I like
-Other stuff I also liked or found interesting or something
-More electronic stuff (from the playlist of someone I met here)
-Stuff on the themes of personal healing/potential/transformation/evolution and stuff

Food -
All kinds of desserts and chocolate. Spaghetti. Fruit. (So sensual. Two of my most vivid food memories are of a pear and an uncommonly good honeydew melon.) Fried stuffed avocados! Coffee and tea.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
-beauty, in all its forms
-sensual pleasures of all kinds
-quiet solitude
-intimate human connection
-variety (but also some comforting sameness and routine)
-freedom (though I also like structure and guidance)
-the ability to interpret the title of this section loosely
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Emotions (which I want to spend more time actually feeling) and just about every other aspect of inner life.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't pretend to know exactly what love is, and mine is imperfect and impure and I've probably mistaken addiction for a large part of it, but still, my boyfriend speaks only for himself on the subject. However, the rest of what he says is pretty much accurate.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
-you think we might be on similar, or at least intersecting, paths, and/or
-you want to practice radical honesty, or
-you like my profile, live nearby, and unschool your child(ren), and
-unless you’re an unschooling parent, meeting in person is not your immediate or primary goal*

But really, there’s no reason that you should message me and there’s also no reason that you shouldn’t (even if there are reasons, such as those stated at the beginning, it might be best not to).

I like questions and I usually make an effort to answer ones that are more specific than "How are you?" I appreciate hearing about how others relate to anything I've expressed. And I'm open to constructive suggestions/criticism about anything at all.

However, as indicated earlier, I don’t reply to every message. It’s just not practical.

*It takes time and enough interest and feeling of connection to motivate me to make the effort (and it is an effort right now) to meet someone. Realistically, that's unlikely to happen, but it's not completely out of the question because I know that sometimes the effort is worthwhile.