I briefly left OKCupid after I met my boyfriend (txdarkangel) here. I came back ostensibly just for the fun of taking tests and comparing my results to his. But it turns out that I'm really here for several reasons (both positive and negative), including exploration of self and others and self through others, attention, validation, and distraction. And then there's the possibility, as unlikely as it may be, of finding real friends.
This kind of social venue is highly satisfying to an introvert like me who is fascinated with people. I enjoy reading profiles and explanations of answers to questions and looking at photos and test results. And when circumstances and whims align, I love writing to people, though unfortunately those occasions seem to be rare these days. But, if I find something that compels me in your profile, I might message you about it and if you find something that compels you in mine, you are welcome to message me, though I can't guarantee a timely reply.
Anyway, here’s what remains of my previous profile, increasingly modified as time goes on:
I still haven’t got it all together. And I’m still stumbling down a healing path of awareness, acceptance, and love, not knowing where that will ultimately take me. I want to drop preconceived ideas of who I am and who I should be (and who others are and who they should be) and just discover myself and others and everything in every moment. I want to move through ambivalence and loosen up my idealism in order to balance my life of introspection with outer experience, experimenting with taking more action, accepting failure as part of the process, and feeling my way through life. And yet at the same time, I want to step out from under the crushing pressure of the overwhelming amount of things I tell myself I could be doing and learning and get better at just being. I want to open myself up, allowing myself to flow freely with life, experiencing everything it has to offer me in every moment and allowing whatever it has to offer to others through me to flow out.
Having said all that, I still haven’t given up trying to define myself, even though I’m also trying not to limit myself to those definitions, so here are some more specific things about me up to this point:
I meander through most spheres of life at a very leisurely pace, often lost in contemplation or a quest for perfection. I tend to focus best on one thing at a time.
I prefer interacting with others one-on-one and sometimes, for limited amounts of time, in small, intimate groups.
I process information slowly and feel that I am better at expressing myself in writing (a slow and laborious process that I love) than verbally.
So, fewer experiences is fine with me. I want to extract as much as I can from each one.
Like everyone else, I’ve been damaged.
Other things: I'd rather relocate than kill little creatures that find their way into my home. (I'm sorry: mosquitoes, fruit flies, and a few other insects.) I like, and sometimes need, silence. I love discovering accidental scenes of beauty, unintended humor, secondhand treasures for next to nothing, and any other unexpected pleasure. I’m a night owl. I’m both delicate and strong. Sometimes I lick my plate. I love order but I really have to work at creating it. I want to always approach life as a series of interesting problems to solve…or just to let go of. I’m generally, theoretically at least, an advocate of radical honesty; being honest with oneself can be the trickiest part.