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42 Tahlequah, OK Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 18–100
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 8:05am
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body type
Mostly vegetarian
Gemini, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Seeing Someone
Has a kid, but doesn’t want more
Likes cats
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
First of all, in case it's important to you, I'm not here for dating or sex. I am in a monogamous relationship with a person I’m extremely fond of and not at all looking to replace. So if you aren't that interested in slow-paced conversations and friendships that will never become romantic or sexual, you’re only going to end up disappointed with me and it would be best to stop right here and look elsewhere. Okay, then!


I briefly left OKCupid after I met my boyfriend (txdarkangel) here. I came back ostensibly just for the fun of taking tests and comparing my results to his. But it turns out that I'm really here for several reasons (both positive and negative), including exploration of self and others and self through others, attention, validation, and distraction. And then there's the possibility, as unlikely as it may be, of finding real friends.

This kind of social venue is highly satisfying to an introvert like me who is fascinated with people. I enjoy reading profiles and explanations of answers to questions and looking at photos and test results. And when circumstances and whims align, I love writing to people, though unfortunately those occasions seem to be rare these days. But, if I find something that compels me in your profile, I might message you about it and if you find something that compels you in mine, you are welcome to message me, though I can't guarantee a timely reply.

Anyway, here’s what remains of my previous profile, increasingly modified as time goes on:

I still haven’t got it all together. And I’m still stumbling down a healing path of awareness, acceptance, and love, not knowing where that will ultimately take me. I want to drop preconceived ideas of who I am and who I should be (and who others are and who they should be) and just discover myself and others and everything in every moment. I want to move through ambivalence and loosen up my idealism in order to balance my life of introspection with outer experience, experimenting with taking more action, accepting failure as part of the process, and feeling my way through life. And yet at the same time, I want to step out from under the crushing pressure of the overwhelming amount of things I tell myself I could be doing and learning and get better at just being. I want to open myself up, allowing myself to flow freely with life, experiencing everything it has to offer me in every moment and allowing whatever it has to offer to others through me to flow out.

Having said all that, I still haven’t given up trying to define myself, even though I’m also trying not to limit myself to those definitions, so here are some more specific things about me up to this point:

I meander through most spheres of life at a very leisurely pace, often lost in contemplation or a quest for perfection. I tend to focus best on one thing at a time.

I prefer interacting with others one-on-one and sometimes, for limited amounts of time, in small, intimate groups.

I process information slowly and feel that I am better at expressing myself in writing (a slow and laborious process that I love) than verbally.

So, fewer experiences is fine with me. I want to extract as much as I can from each one.

Like everyone else, I’ve been damaged.

Other things: I'd rather relocate than kill little creatures that find their way into my home. (I'm sorry: mosquitoes, fruit flies, and a few other insects.) I like, and sometimes need, silence. I love discovering accidental scenes of beauty, unintended humor, secondhand treasures for next to nothing, and any other unexpected pleasure. I’m a night owl. I’m both delicate and strong. Sometimes I lick my plate. I love order but I really have to work at creating it. I want to always approach life as a series of interesting problems to solve…or just to let go of. I’m generally, theoretically at least, an advocate of radical honesty; being honest with oneself can be the trickiest part.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Raising my eleven-year-old daughter in the most helpful and respectful way I can manage while dealing with all the things she reflects to me. Supporting her in following her own natural course of learning and unschooling myself so that I can follow that same path. Doing part-time paid work and intending to learn web development skills so that I could possibly join my ex-husband and boyfriend in their work. Maintaining my health through eating relatively well, working out, yoga, getting enough sleep, and trying to avoid toxins, including stress. Following a simple homemaking routine. Discarding things that don’t enrich my life. Maintaining supportive relationships with a handful of people. Still living with my ex as a co-parent, domestic partner, and friend, even though we dissolved our romantic ties years ago.

From all outward appearances, it may look like I am not doing much with my life. And I’m getting more okay with that.

I’d like to spend more time in nature because it’s so restorative. I’d also like to travel someday...or not.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Listening with compassion and interest. Asking questions. Appreciating details and simple things. Seeing many sides of an issue. Contradicting myself. Overthinking things. Getting easily overwhelmed. Cutting thin, even slices from homemade loaves of bread. Making cakes that look awful but taste really good.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Writings -
The last ten or so things I read/am reading that I thought worth mentioning:
-The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry - Ultimately, I was still moved by this.
-The Hobbit - which I'd never read before.
-The Road, by Cormac McCarthy - horrific, and beautiful in ways (exquisitely written); broke down more pieces of my psyche; not sure what I think about the ending - cognitive dissonance(?) for me.
-Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, by David Sedaris
-Self-Therapy, by Jay Earley, PhD (a book about Internal Family Systems therapy)
-The Diamond Age: Or, A Young Lady's Illustrated Primer, by Neal Stephenson (loved this!)
-The Deepest Acceptance: Radical Awakening in Ordinary Life, by Jeff Foster
-The One Thing Holding You Back: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Connection, by Raphael Cushnir - While I'm not so fond of what I perceive as gimmicky marketing ("do this and I guarantee all your dreams will come true!"), it is the most concise and helpful material I've read so far on how to feel emotions (and if that sounds obvious and/or ridiculous to you, talk to me about it!).
-Journal of a Solitude, by May Sarton
-Various online poems by Billy Collins
-Dear Life: Stories, by Alice Munro

Here's something else I read that made me laugh and cry: "Adventures in Depression" - Parts One and Two

And for some reason, I feel that I also want to mention Playing By Heart: The Vision and Practice of Belonging, by O. Fred Donaldson and The Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment, by Thaddeus Golas, which is found in entirety here.

Movies -
Trying to pare down a list of favorite movies is way too frustrating, so following are the last ten movies I've seen (most recent first) that I liked enough to put on this list:

-Kung Fu Panda :)
-V for Vendetta
-1408 - This was relentless -- I've never been so tense and jumpy through an entire movie, which may not be saying much since I haven't watched many horror movies (my boyfriend talked me into it...and got deliberately whacked with my protective blanket after the last unexpected jump scene). I read the short story afterwards, but thought the movie was better -- deeper and more complex.
-Lost Highway - My boyfriend was kind enough to tolerate my commentary throughout this movie, which he had seen before, understanding that it was my way of coping with it. (Generally, I don't approve of talking much, sometimes at all, during movies.) I didn't think I liked it, but the more I think about it and read about how other people interpreted it and what David Lynch himself had to say about it, the more I appreciate it.
-Amélie - still one of my very favorites.
-Fight Club made me think about getting down to the fundamentals of existence, sorting out the things that really matter, and getting intensely present in our own lives.
-The Spirit of the Beehive - I loved the way it lingered over the details of its subjects, and the rich and powerful silence in it.
-Exit Through the Gift Shop

Shows -
I don't watch much TV these days, but my favorites from the past were: Northern Exposure, Masterpiece Theatre, Nature, Daria, NOW with Bill Moyers, Freaks and Geeks, Babylon 5

2/8/15 - I'm watching Avatar: The Last Airbender with my daughter and it's so good! I was surprised.

Music -
Old favorites - Tori Amos (up through Scarlet's Walk), Baroque music, Coldplay, Enya, Davíd Garza (1992-2001), The Innocence Mission (up through Birds of Our Neighborhood), Loreena McKennitt, October Project, Radiohead, Renaissance music, Toad the Wet Sprocket, and much, much more

Stuff that I've gotten into since 2012, in somewhat chronological order - Sufjan Stevens, Regina Spektor, Covenant, Imogen Heap, The Birthday Massacre, Apoptygma Berzerk, Fiona Apple, Tool, Massive Attack, Amanda Palmer, NIN, Universal Hall Pass, Amon Tobin, Björk (though I liked her before 2012, too), Faith and the Muse

I've taken to adding songs that I come across on internet radio or via other people which appeal to me in one way or another to a playlist. Here it is.

Food -
All kinds of desserts and chocolate. Spaghetti. Fruit. (So sensual. Two of my most vivid food memories are of a pear and an uncommonly good honeydew melon.) Fried stuffed avocados! Coffee and tea.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
-beauty, in all its forms
-sensual pleasures of all kinds
-quiet solitude
-intimate human connection
-variety (but also some comforting sameness and routine)
-freedom (though I also like structure and guidance)
-the ability to interpret the title of this section loosely
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Emotions (which I want to spend more time actually feeling) and just about every other aspect of inner life.

On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I appreciate that statement.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't pretend to know exactly what love is, and mine is imperfect and impure and I've probably mistaken addiction for a large part of it, but still, my boyfriend speaks only for himself on the subject. However, the rest of what he says is pretty much accurate.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
-you think we might be on similar, or at least intersecting, paths, and/or
-you want to practice radical honesty, or
-you like my profile, live nearby, and unschool your child(ren), and
-unless you’re an unschooling parent, meeting in person is not your immediate or primary goal*

But really, there’s no reason that you should message me and there’s also no reason that you shouldn’t (even if there are reasons, such as those stated at the beginning, it might be best not to).

Sometimes I don't reply. It might be because you're asking questions that are obviously answered in my profile, or because I feel overwhelmed or uninterested at the moment, or even because I just don't know what to say. I'm not offended when people don't reply to me; I hope you aren't either.

*It takes time and enough interest and feeling of connection to motivate me to make the effort (and it is an effort right now) to meet someone. Realistically, that's unlikely to happen, but it's not completely out of the question because I know that sometimes the effort is worthwhile.