House keeping note: I have the OKC app on my phone, so my profile indicates that I'm on the site 24-7-365. I'm not.
I'm a writer, an inventor (the kind who gets patents) and an entrepreneur.
I am world traveled, multilingual, politically progressive, own my own business, and am very much my own man.
There is a Norwegian word that has no one-word equivalent in English: "Tøffelhelt." A tøffelhelt is the kind of guy your grand mother wanted you to marry. The guy your college friends married and then cheated on within a year or two.
A tøffelhelt is kind, reliable, supportive and harmless. He does not make any waves, he provokes nobody, he always agrees with you partly out of politeness and partly because there just isn't that much to him.
OKC is crawling with tøffelhelts. If you want one of these house-broken beta guys, click away now. I'm not who you are looking for.
What I’m doing with my life
What am I doing with my life? I'm trying to live it in accordance
with my nature.
Is that too vague? I suppose it is, but it is also rare.
I’m really good at
I can write an essay very fast. I can whip-up a good meal in a jiffy (my mother was a chef). I can fix anything: the washing machine, the toaster, the leaky pipe, the car. In fact, I can and have built an entire house but have not done that for years. I've now directed my tinkering toward a second career as an inventor.
The first things people usually notice about me
The sensitive ones notice that conversation with me comes easy and
And just about everyone notices that I smile quickly and laugh
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I have hundreds and hundreds of books, but I'm transitioning to
e-readers. One American book? Moby Dick. It's a touchstone for me.
I love Dostoevsky. I love Kazantzakis. I love Kierkegaard. I love
Unamuno. I love Theodore Roethke. I love Juan Rulfo. I love Rumi.
I've read most of Michael Polan whose books are important but badly
written. I think Oran Pamuk is a genius. I love Plato. I love
Nietzsche. I love Lorca. I love Mark Twain. In my early twenties
Pauline Reage revealed to me that generations of seekers in the
realms of power and eros had followed their atavistic appetites
just as I was beginning to follow mine.
My TV is hooked-up to a DVD and a VCR, not to cable or dish or some
other source of broadcast TV. So, as a practical matter, I watch no
TV at all.
I eat all cuisines but cook mostly Mediterranean. I do not eat
processed foods. In general I eat meat only once or twice a week,
and I do not eat corn-fed mass market meat.
Kurosawa is my favorite movie director. I also love Italian cinema
and have seen all or most of Fellini, Rossellini, Pasolini,
I am not interested in spectator sports and could not care less if
the Yankees go the World Series. I played sports when I was kid,
and loved doing it. I'm an adult now and am not interested in
spending my time watching 28 year-old jocks hit a ball with a
stick, or toss a ball through a hoop, or carry a ball over a line,
or kick a ball into a net. I do ski very well (double black
diamonds are fine) and like to scuba and hike in the woods.
The six things I could never do without
This is a silly question. I live in NY and have a wonderful rich
life while 40% of the world's kids go to bed hungry every night.
So, the suggestion that you or I could not live without certain
material comforts strikes me as an overly-pampered and absurd
vaporing. That said, life has no meaning outside of relationship.
This applies to everything, not just eros. You can't build a
business without relationships. You can't drive a car safely
without the cooperation of other drivers. We are always and
everywhere interrelated. I wish for fine relationships, that's what
is most important to me.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How strange it is that the vast majority of people seem to feel
that their symbols and values are the true way; and that the
biggest problem in the world is that others have not yet seen their
The fact that wisdom cannot be passed on, with the consequence that
every generation makes the same mistakes, particularly with the
objective horror of war.
If a new gizmo I'm designing will qualify for a patent.
The fact that we are living in an interregnum in which the ideas
and symbols and norms that informed our culture for centuries are
collapsing, and new ideas and symbols and norms are struggling to
Which section of the Appalachian trail should I hike next. Im
working on the New England portion a few days at a time.
On a typical Friday night I am
Making pizza from scratch. Driving up to my farm (I'm partners in
an organic farm.) Having dinner out.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I lived for five years is a stable triad with two women. Several years ago one of the women, a professor, moved far away to take a tenure-track job. That left two of us in NYC. Our relationship is lovely, but over the years we both came to prefer the dynamic of three to the dynamic of two.
We are not looking for a prurient ménage à trois, much less a "unicorn." And we will not do three just to do it. But, through experience, we know that three can be an augmentation of two rather than, as most imagine, a dilution.
You can see her profile under the OKC moniker artfire.
You should message me if
You do not care about conventions generally. You think for yourself
and have interesting things to say. You are interested in the world
generally and respect all real human enterprise: spiritual and
scientific and artistic. You are grounded in a practical way, yet
are still artistically and spiritually sensitive and have no truck
for religious fanatics or new-age myrmidons. You know in your
marrow that living a deeper life means having an inner struggle and
that spiritual evolution has as its cost some suffering. It is
important to you to be a fine human being.
If you have read this far, I can add this: I am not your man if you
find androgynous men, metro-sexual men or bisexual men sexy; if
that's your taste you will almost certainly find me too
By the way, I'm not only looking for eros. If you are an
interesting woman with a subtle mind and a big heart, that's
Finally, if you are a member of the GOP or the NRA, go away.