David was an entirely average boy.

He had vaguely brown hair that was light in the summer and rather much darker in the winter, eyes that tended towards blue, and he stood six foot four when he wasn’t slouching. His face was almost angelically perfect, with no distinguishing features, outmoded beauty marks, or a weak or strong chin. Much to his continuous dismay, David was completely forgettable. In any survey, he was found in the middle; in any competition, he generally took third place-but only if there were six competitors. Occasionally, in the same situation he might take fourth.

If you were to boil down the whole of humanity—a delightful enough notion on its own—something very much like David could probably be grown from the blackened mass you might have left. He was the homunculus of mankind.

David was so average that he was, in fact, unique.

All that is totally untrue--I'm hardly unique.

I am pilloried, bilious, and to blame.

I spend time in San Francisco, taking in all kinds of life, night and day, with Smile4Me2011. It would be hard to be happier.

I am a graduate of UMN Law. Now I obsess about taxes and tax law. Love it.

After many years, I had homework once more and have discovered you truly can't go home.

I am seriously considering bee-keeping. But, where would I keep them? My roommates make terrible noises when I suggest the backyard.

I'd like to know how to make shoes, leather shoes. I keep meaning to ask the children in the sweat shops, but they always look so busy.

I've spent a year in Greece, chasing Project Management experience and getting the before-and-after of sunburn, but never a tan.

I write. I haven't found something that rewards as stingily as writing. It's masochism.

I game. Conjuring stories to entertain, I usually GM.

A quick acknowledgment of my friends,
starsedge, Gyst ಠ_ಠ and terpsichoreus who have pages here. They're far better people then they admit.

Developing new hobbies and then not following up on them. Hobbies become interests.

I'm very good at failing to fill out this section. I've found a calling.

A sumptuous twiddle, a bantering riddle, the mind plays tricks to the tune of a fiddle. And while we dance to this silly little rhyme, our feet play the devil in the dust and grime.

My hair is going salt-and-pepper. I'm hoping the color comes out a certain shade of "distinguished". I would settle for "gentrified".

Scissors, glasses, and a pair of pants.

Really, how many people are we going to have to kill to make the world a better place? Hmmm? Has it helped yet?

Whether or not the the Modern Family actually does anything other than damage children. I'm looking at you, the 1950's. Damn you, Ticky Tacky Houses.

A polack is getting an eye exam and was just settled into the chair when the Doctor flips down the eye chart.

"Can you read the last line?" The doctor asked.

The last line read X Z Y P Y Z S K I.

"Read it?!" The polack cried. "I *know* him!"

If you knew my last name, you'd know why I find this joke funny.

Dan Savage was right; the most ugly possible name to call a penis is, in fact, "penis". Perhaps we should use the more dignified "Richard".

Curiously, I've been busy lately on Friday Nights, though not *very* busy. Really, more of a Friday Night Lite.

I was in an open relationship for some years, in which I encouraged my lover and friend to explore and discover. It ended, and life moves on.

Now I'm back in an open relationship and I struggle to imagine how it could be better. If you know, please, tell me already, you jerk. Good things come to those who wait, and try, try again.

My experiences dating boys have been somewhat unfortunate. I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong, making bad choices, or if men are just fucked in the head. I'm a man, so I might be included in the above head fucking. Why's gender gotta be such a bitch?

Why wouldn't you message me? I'd message me! In fact, I do so *all the time*.

Word of advice to everyone, and it's not just about messaging me. You know how it's a bad idea to go grocery shopping when you're super hungry? You know, it's that time you bought an entire flat of ramen and something called a jack fruit because you were so excited?

Same concept on OKC. Don't message horny. You're not at your best and it's hard to write good messages with only one hand.

Please, use both hands.

Also, feel free to IM me. I know, most people hate OKC IM, and I'm the first to admit that I don't like the *program*, but I do enjoy saying "hi" in real time. So go ahead.