I am a kind and decent person. I have a career and I love my family. I like to have fun and you could do far worse in the looks department.
Also, much like you, I’ve had good relationships, not so good relationships, and relationships that just left me wondering what planet I was on when I decided to let this person into my life.
I want what every guy out there wants:
A woman with mouthful of teeth and head full of dreams. Someone who knows what a due date on a bill means.
Someone who has fewer tattoos than appendages.
Someone who doesn’t use the phrase, “OMG!” every other sentence.
However, after being in the online dating world for more
months than I care to admit to, I find that these demands are a tall order.
So I am taking drastic measures.
I am officially lowering my standards.
Please! Take advantage of my limited time offer!
If you are emotionally unstable or emotionally needy:
Then look NO further!
Commitment-Phobes: I especially have a soft spot for YOU.
If you live across the country or across the ocean:
You may have found, the one.
If you want to keep messaging me without ever meeting me:
If you show me your parolee tracking ankle monitor on the first date: I think I love you already.
If you text or check your emails constantly during our dates:
Then you can have me at hello. (Hell, chain the damn thing to your wrist and I promise, I’ll be turned on by it.)
Do you take pictures of yourself in your employer’s bathroom (if you are employed but gosh, I hope not) or in a tanning bed? I think I’m getting goose bumps that you are even reading my profile!
***Rehab stints, DUI’s, and siblings not speaking to you because of your drunken toast at their wedding--A DEFINITE plus.
Other qualities I am looking for:
Shallowness, irritability, selfishness, have been evicted from your apartment at least twice, bitterness, a love for The Real Housewives Anything, negativity, not being over your verbally abusive ex-boyfriend, bad grammar, and can’t spell to save your life…ALL good stuff for me!
Well, what are you waiting for? Message me today!