I believe in true love and dirty fucking. I speak a bunch of languages and I know how to cook. (How do you like your eggs in the morning?) I can change a tire and upgrade RAM. I'm well read and I lift weights. You'd want me on your side for a pub quiz or a bar brawl. All my yelp reviews say the service is excellent, as is the decor.

Writing and directing movies. Smuggling cash across borders. Corporate shill when the above activities don't pay enough. I swear we cash smugglers should unionize.

Carrying a conversation on just about any subject. Try me. Over drinks.

Apparently, I look like a lot of B-list actors. I also have some burly eyebrows.

LISTS!

Books: Shakespeare, Vonnegut, Gaiman, Tolkien, Murakami, McCarthy, Chandler. And Patrick O'Brien, because there are pirates. Guns, Germs, and Steel. Sex at Dawn.

Movies: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Fountain, Children of Men, Lord of the Rings, Master and Commander, Atonement, Fight Club, The Truman Show, The Professional, Double Indemnity, Wes and PT Anderson, Nolan, Aronofsky, Malick, Coen Brothers, Werner Herzog. And a bunch of foreign films only nerds watch.

Shows: The Wire, Downton Abbey, Mad Men, 30 Rock, SVU, Brisco County Jr. I hesitate getting into new shows because that's like 40 hours of my life instantly gone.

Music: Mostly stuck in the '90s, but also Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Guster, Scissor Sisters, Electric Six, Madredeus, Brazilian Girls, Okkervil River, The Cure, U2, Blur, Talking Heads, Madredeus, Lovage, Idan Raichel, Stars, West Valley Highway, The Black Keys.

Food: salty, spicy.

Laptop, camera, pen, paper, sex, salt.

Everything! I love thinking.

Lately, my screenplay, and rewriting it so people don't roll their eyes like you just did when you read the word screenplay, and other projects I'm working on.

Out with friends, or hosting a whiskey-and-shit-shooting session. Lately, I've been enjoying swing dancing, too.

I have a funny-looking mole.

... you understood the tongue-in-cheek tone of this profile. People take things so seriously.

... you're open to meeting for coffee or an adult beverage, and seeing what happens from there.

... and you know what okcupid means by "available," and you're cool with it.

SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY!