While striving for equality, it came to my attention that Tom from Myspace is my perfect match (truly one made in heaven). In another move that will surely cause strife in the relationship, months ago my companion and I chose to compile a list of three people we could receive pleasure immeasurable from without any of the normal cheating consequences. Thus far, the only person I have seriously considered for my list is David Cross (unless you count my recurring Michael Ian Black/wedding cake dream as serious consideration) but I am hesitant to commit not being sure that David would be interested in the extreme pleasure that awaits him were he to be added to my list. The hard place is staring me in the face and I can feel jagged pieces of rock cutting into my back as I am faced with the decision of leaving David off the list and instead adding a young, hot computer mogul in his place, who may also lack the appropriate interest in pleasuring me. What is a girl to do? If only River Phoenix were still alive and possessed by Prince's spirit, equipped with Ramachandran's brain, and as skilled at rubbing as my presently obdurate partner - I would then only need one spot on my list.
UPDATE: The list is no more as I received a box filled with my belongings from my boyfriend (now ex) today. If you have a love of poker, sci-fi, endless rubbing (you rub me), games, intellectual pursuits, art, water, and the sun - I am newly single and an emotional wreck so let the dating begin!
UPDATE ON THE UPDATE: My nearly perfect ex-boyfriend has e-mailed me concerning reconciliation. As long as he does not mind being in a relationship with an extremely emotional and crazy yet regretful lady then I will extend an invitation for just that. Stay tuned for further updates.
FINAL UPDATE: Bungling boyfriend will fill the role of the future Mr. Zita. All rubbing is officially his duty now although I will continue to receive all due profile praise.
I am bombastic, droll, and impiously peccant