I am a man of gruesome bravado. A creature of inexorable juxtaposition, loathed and cherished. Hated and Beloved. Consumed by my quest for med school while tormented by my desires to pursue artistic ambitions, my life is spent in an upward spiral both destructive and triumphant. Shall I be a filmmaker? Shall I be a physician? Shall i do neither and waste my youth looking for misbegotten love on OKcupid? Only time will tell. Till then I'll continue spinning the wheel of consequence and writing mock-epic self-summaries.

*** Update: due to the sluggish economy and my singular lack of talent, I have put my dreams of being a comedienne, filmmaker, novelist, vampire hunter on hold and have decided to attend medical school. Soon the "Dr" in DrMcScreamy will be iconic instead of ironic.

***Update 2: Medical school makes me want to blow my fucking brains out. So to keep my roommates from having to pay a hefty "corpse removal" fee, I've started using my excruciatingly limited spare time to do stand-up comedy. To date, the crowd reactions have been fantastic, a couple of standing ovations and one charge of public indecency.

I'm also a Graduate of William and Mary.

I am Hollow, sordid, and bootylicious

sharpening myself so that I can leave a mark on human history. Also working on Stand-up, Screen-writing/comedy writing/ filmmaking while slogging through medical school.

***Update: What am I doing with my life? I'm wasting the vigor of my youth sitting in a room memorizing different variations of human suffering. Medical school sucks more than an anemic vampire or a slutty vacuum. Its also Hellaexpensive.

Fortunately, being a badass is still free.

Being Awesome. Being Medical. Being Creative. Being an Elitist Prick. Being a Nice Guy. Being Sad. Being Sarcastic. Being Funny. Being Mighty. Being Kind. Being Cruel. Being Honest.

Apparently I'm also really good at answering questions on OKCupid. Invariably, the first message anyone sends me revolves around how amusing/frightening they found my explanations.....

THAT I'M THE GODDAMN BATMAN!

Then they notice my unadulterated originality. My quixotic worldview coiled in bracing pessimism. Also, several girls have told me that the first thing that notice about me is my humor and intelligence. I know. It doesn't make any sense to me either. Unless I'm wearing clown make-up or falling down the stairs my "humor" shouldn't be the first thing someone notices. Same thing goes for my intellegience. But there ya go. Apparrently, to the female mind, my jackassery eclipses all of my physical attributes. Either that, or my female friends were just too nice to say "your giant head and slack-jawed shit-eating grin...."

People also notice that I sometimes speak in iambic pentameter. I festoon my phrases with rapture and eloquence while at the same time conjugating the word "fuck" in new and exciting ways.

Poems: Paradise Lost, Shakespeare's Sonnets, In Memoriam, The Faire Queen, Dante's Inferno, The Conquering Worm, The Illiad.

Books: Au Rebours, The Bible, IT, Heart of Darkness, Lord of the Rings, Wicked, The Scarlet Letter, The Song of Fire and Ice Series, The Dark Tower Series (hell, anything by stephen King actually), Day of the Locust, H.P. Lovecraft.

Movies: Hiroshima Mon Amour, Indiana Jones, Psycho, Lord of the Rings, The Professional, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Exorcist, Artificial Intelligence, The Dark Knight, Big Fish. etc, etc, etc,

Music: Smashing Pumpkins, The Decemberists, Blind Guardian, Lordi, Dethklok, Rhapsody (of fire), Iron Maiden, Beatles, The Killers, Paper Route, Lady Gaga, Bond, Beethoven, Mozart (sort of), Brahms, Wagner, Alice Cooper, My Chemical Romance, Nirvana, The Birthday Massacre, Alkaline Trio, AFI, MCR, The pinebox Boys, Johnny Cash, Freedom's Call, etc.

Hemoglobin
Unobstructed Airway
Film
Beauty
Poetry
You

Zombies.

Why the Hell I decided to go to medical school.

Autonomic Pharmacology.

The person who discovered honey. In my mind it was an Irishman named Seamus and he was one determined motherfucker.

The vapid incoherence of "normal" people. Most of the profiles on OKCupid fascinate me, not because they are unique or profound, but because so many people on this site are content with being ruthlessly boring. Being pretty does not give you free liscense to stuff your profile with increasingly vacuous drivel. Oh wow! You like music and having fun! Holy Shitsticks! How fucking original! You're worse than a stereotype, you're a cliche.

Then I wonder why I spend so much time thinking about such things.

Staring at the wall, ruminating on my shattered dreams and slowly slipping into madness.

Or studying.

Ever and anon I descend into the city and make society pay for allowing their daughters to turn 18.

Beauty makes me cry. Yep, I'm one of those

I also love videogames, comic books, Dungeons and Dragons, and the Discovery Channel. I'm a emo-nerd: A Nemo.

P.S. If you understand the subtext of what I just said message me: We'll have more in common than you could ever imagine.

If you want to be my muse.

If you want to Laugh.

If you don't have to google your opinions.

If you want to join my ever-expanding harem.

If you know what the word "defenestration" means.

If I give you the tingles.

If you aren't piteously ugly or grotesquely obese. Yes, I know true beauty is on the inside, but seriously- have a some fucking pride. When a buffet advertises "all you can eat", its not supposed to be a challenge.

If your standards are as low as your plunging neckline, or as high as the hem of your skirt.

If, like me, you have the haunting suspicion that you might be immortal simply because you've never died before.

If you want a 80's style power-ballad written about you.

If you aren't intimidated/annoyed by my vocabulary, superlative intellect, growing nihilism, or habit of making terrible puns.

If you've ever painted with the colors of the wind

If you think Pocohantas was the worst disney movie.

If you want to be able to tell you Grandkids "yeah, I knew Josh back before he was Emperor"

PROTIP: Medical school doesn't afford me the luxury of scavenging through profiles to find people who don't suck. I know, tradition states guys are supposed to make the first move or whatever, but if you're interested don't hesitate to message. Extra points awarded for awkward introductions or references to Star Wars, the Washington Redskins, and Elizabethan poetry. Nude photos are only appreciated if your BMI is equal to or less than 25.