I have recently completed the first stages of construction for my base on a small island somewhere between Fiji and Tokelau, whose exact location I will not disclose. Having eliminated all those with knowledge of its many secrets, I now find myself in need of a top henchman, a small cadre of trustworthy minions, and a cohort of lackeys.
I seek those who find my charisma compelling, believe that order must be imposed with an iron fist, and who are uncompromisingly loyal. Oh, and you must be willing to relocate, and to extirpate all who would oppose me.
I am also in search of concubines, casual encounters, and perhaps a wholesome beauty whom I can dominate and corrupt to become my evil queen after I complete my plans for world conquest.
Those wishing to apply for either of the first two positions must be highly decorative, fond of wearing skimpy bathing suits and lounging around pools, and willing to do whatever I desire to sate my heathen lusts. Low self esteem is a plus.
Those seeking to become my queen should be blond, fair of face, ideally of Midwestern U.S. extraction, and given to wearing chaste, conventional clothing. Cheerleading experience and a tendency to use words like "gosh" are a plus. Note that you may be asked to fly over the Pacific in a small single-engine plane and endure a horrific crash that will leave you stranded on my island and at my nonexistent mercy.
Those with beefy, attractive ex-jock boyfriends need not apply.
I am Fiendishly Clever, Clever, and Fiendish