Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Court and Spark in the streets, Hissing of the Summer Lawns in the
All I want from life is universal approval and a giant swimming
pool in the shape of a dollar sign.
I refuse to take this seriously.
Also I once did a Guardian dating video thing and they edited it to
make me look good for some reason, so here it is:
I was much more drunk than they seem to think I was.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I write jokes and tweets and hot takes and for some reason get paid
to do so. Sometimes I write about sex or culture or movies or
music, and I was once a rhyming fairy (on the internet) who gave
presents to needy people for three months. It's amazing what they
let you do in London if you just say yes to everything.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I can still do the entire speakrap from 'I Want You' by Savage
Garden and I'm really funny when I'm hungover. Your dog will
probably like me.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm gesticulating wildly, like maybe there's a bee on me somewhere.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books about angsty middle-class people. Old books about horny
socialites. Books that make no sense. Russian books,
Old horror movies. New horror movies. Pretentious stuff. Films
where everything is shot in slightly soft focus with soundtracks
made of melancholy machine noises. Korean movies where everyone has
really expensive apartments. Anything that's exactly three
HBO dramas. Semi-serious comedies made by people with personality
disorders. High quality genre trash. Bleak cartoons.
This is the greatest piece of recorded music in existence:
This is the second greatest, though you'll want to skip to around
I am deeply emotionally involved in rap and emo. I love punk and
electronica made by girls and weepy indie made by sad skinny boys.
I am semi in love with Grace Jones.
Mediterranean, Thai, Japanese. Variations on those themes.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Five more things.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
That mixtape James Arthur made about whales which starts with him
comparing his life to being on a slave ship.
Pallas cats and bears.
Where I'm going to accidentally fall asleep next.
"IT'S BEEN THAT WAY FOR A MINUTE HEDI SLIMANE!"
The Story of Mount Everest.
That time Fiona Apple did an impression of the movie Magnolia
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I once helped Emma Watson clean up some sick. It wasn't mine. Or
hers. She has/had a really nice kitchen.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Any of the above made you feel feelings. Any feelings, even rage or
Maybe not ennui.
Oh, and if you voted Tory in the general election, don't bother.
And definitely don't get in touch to tell me why I shouldn't be mad
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