Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am an angel without wings...so basically a person.
Alrighty, pour yourself a whiskey and read the remainder of this
profile with an English accent as it will be some time before you
stumble across a spicier gal than me, with a wit that will keep you
on your toes. I should clarify, I am not from the UK...though my
internal dialogue is often a lofty British accent or a slow
southern drawl, depending on the situation and players. But what
comes out of my mouth is more of a fast talking smart ass.
I understand the difference between being alone vs. being lonely
vs. being single. I don't need a hero and I will never be the woman
who "can't live without you" (I just prefer not to). And if I
invite you into my life it is because I like you here.
In all honesty, I have learned that the numbers on the scale may go
up and down, just as the digits in a bank account may do, these are
not what define a person. I am a person who values substance over
the superficial, I hope you are too. Honesty and openness are a
must. Ideally, I am looking for the unchangable in a man.
I have also learned that there are some things we can't buy or fix,
like: sincerity, integrity and compassion. They turn me on and they
override most blemishes and are more attractive than any
If you have the sensibilities (& looks) of Stephen Merchant, I
might fall completely, hopelessly and steadfastly in love with you.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying to get over my addiction to bad boys and am searching for a
nice one or so...also, someone striving for happiness would be
I am lucky to enjoy what I do professionally, but it does not
define me. When I am not working or playing with my dog, I like to
design and create...you know, stuff.
Also, I crank call my mother once a week, but that is already built
into my schedule.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Figuring out escape routes in every building I enter.
Origami. Cranes specifically. Badasssss.
Correcting wrongs. Striving to do the right thing, not always doing
it, but still moving forward.
Being a hero...I always stop to help. Unless it's a knife fight and
I don't have my gun. So, I guess I ALMOST always stop to
Making up songs. All the time, about anything. Pepe: the Musical!
will be a smash hit, it's about a naughty little dog. I know, you
are on the edge of your seat.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I really hope it's not my conjoined twin. I am very selective about
who meets my family.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I love reading, a few of my favorite books are: Geek Love, Song of
Solomon, Lonesome Dove, Interpreter of Maladies, No Country for Old
Men, The World According to Garp and Confederacy of Dunces. I enjoy
reading Michael Chabon, Jonathan Lethem, Roald Dahl, Yukio Mishma,
S. G. Browne and anything by David Sedaris & Sarah Vowel. I
just started reading Christopher Moore...what took me so long to
My favorite movies: Tommy Boy, yeah I said Tommy Boy (it's the 12
year old boy in me), What About Bob?, Harold and Maude, Mishima: A
Life in Four Chapters, 25th Hour, Scarface, Cinema Paradiso and
Bruce Lee films. I can spend a day on the couch watching classics
like The Philadelphia Story or REALLY crappy Lifetime made for TV
shite. I also have a weakness for French comedies. I know that last
one sounds pretentious, but I refuse to give them up. I recently
watched 13 Assassins, an epic 45 minute Samurai battle
I love most music (classic rock & roll, classical, brat pack,
alternative and country) with the exception of industrial and
electronica. I especially love live music and am down to check out
I strongly dislike Train, Hootie & The Blowfish, Five for
Fighting or anything of their ilk. It's fine if you like them, we
just won't listen to them when on a drive or wax nostalgic about
"that kick ass Train concert" (mostly, because I do not believe
THAT could ever happen).
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I'm guessing they don't mean shit like food, shelter, water,
1. My dog, Pepe
2. My Burt's Bees Wax lip balm
4. My loved ones
5. My happiness
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Most nights I fall asleep staring at the night sky, thinking a
million thoughts, here are a few examples of those thoughts:
My irrational fear of midgets (sorry little people), dolls, home
invasions and slimy things touching me.
I suspect I could be a wizard with a speculum.
Smaller testicles are linked to being a more caring father.
Criterion on which to further judge you gentlemen. It's
Hiking and/or when I will get to be in the sun today. Maybe you
feel the same, that would be grand.
The absurdity of life.
How sometimes the "Thing" is not the "Thing".
What will happen once the monkey learns how to make fire.
If I were a gay man, I would definitely be a bossy bottom. I
How some music sounds like whales raping each other.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Fighting my champion rooster OR I am usually either out to dinner,
at a dive bar or renting movies.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
You know, two can keep a secret, if one is dead...
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You can teach me about random things like the Yakuza or you can
teach me how to play my Ghee-TAR or you know. And maybe you are
game for an awfully big adventure.
You should not message me if your first inclination is to send me a
photo of your dick or you in fetish wear. Get to know me first for
fuck's sake...I may surprise you.
A special note for the 20something young bucks, I thank you for
your generous offers of "young dick", but I will pass. Now you best
go home and put on your daddy's shoes, cuz this here is a man's
game as I value the experiences of men a little older than
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