Authorities were confused to discover that he actually believes in the existence of "cool people" and doesn't condemn the entire human race for the misdeeds of a few materialistic, superficial fist-pumpers.
Said a local resident who asked not to be identified, "I was on a date with him, I was telling a story, and I swear it..., it was almost like he was listening. He even made reference to a point I made sometime earlier in the conversation. It was almost as if getting to know me was the most important thing for him at that moment. It just... it just didn't make sense."
DNA samples from the microphone at Village Karaoke, a guitar pick left at Kenny's Castaway's, a pint of Blue Moon at Conolly's Irish pub and seat marks in the Yankee Stadium dugout confirm the existence of such a man. All attempts to apprehend him have failed due to his wily nature and vast knowledge of the subway system. Police and single women in the area ask for your help in locating this man.