Philosophy has always been a passion of mine, I've spent long , lonely nights wondering why world hunger exists, and why vibrating shoes don't. I finished second in the South American hand writing contest, 3rd in the Turkish Nude Olympics. Zac Eftron has my number on speed dial. I send him to voicemail.
I once single handedly commanded an entire fleet of fully trained and dangerously equipped carrier pigeons through Texas with limited visibility and caution. I don't like pigeons. Using nothing but a paper clip and a stale bag of doritos I once saved a child from certain drowning and personally nursed him back to health under the fortnight. Barack Obama named his pet rock after me. Joe Biden named his pet rock after Barack's. I don't belive in pet rocks.
On my days off I invent new yoga positions and teach classical arm wrestling to the blind. On Wednesday I order drinks from the Thursdays menu at TGI Fridays. It's always happy hour when I order. I strategically place Christmas lights on Jewish people's houses during Kwanza. My motive is chaos, my aphrodisiac suspense ,and my middle name is Holm. When I buy one I get two free.
I am a funstigator, adventurous traveler, and a secret agent