It doesn't matter what you call him, he's never going to come.
...Kinda like your girlfriend.
I find that joke to be a pitch-perfect representation of my life and personality: a blend of sad humour and unabashed nihilism delicately spiced with just a hint of schadenfreude. If it made you smile, there's a marginal chance you'll have at least a little appreciation for the way I think. If it didn't, there's probably no point in reading further. I suppose it hardly matters one way or the other since I maintain this profile more for my own cathartic benefit than for attracting a pool of viable potential suitors. I mean, who would I be kidding, right? Between all the 'match' questions I've answered (over 2,700) and the brutal honesty (or is that honest brutality?) served up by my little novella here, I've pretty much written myself right off of anybody's radar. I've never had much interest in catering to the lowest common denominator anyway, so if you're yet another of SoCal's ubiquitous outdoorsy, gym-obsessed, globe-trotting, "masc" bros with a hopeless romantic streak, THIS PROFILE IS NOT FOR YOU. I AM NOT FOR YOU. Save yourself a good five or ten minutes and skip along to the next of your ilk. However, if you just smirked or nodded while reading the last three sentences, by all means, please continue. YOU are my target audience and quite possibly someone I wouldn't be opposed to dealing with at a later point in time.
On to business...
I am almost a textbook Aquarius (I possess none of the standard social inclinations), a true Chinese Water Dog, and a relentless INTJ (Myers-Briggs).
To call me eccentric is a grand understatement. Of all the qualities I possess, my independence is my greatest source of pride. I’m more introverted than most folks, and time to myself is as vital to my well-being as oxygen or water. I’ve spent most of my life as a social outcast, and I’ve made peace with that by cocooning myself in a world of my own thoughts and fantasies. It certainly makes relating to others more challenging, but it’s an adaptation which, for better or for worse, has become a core part of me, and one that I won’t be forfeiting anytime in the foreseeable future.
I wear everything on my sleeve but my heart. I'm generally cordial toward others, but rarely am I warm. Vulnerability doesn't come easily or naturally for me, and though my moods are not always concealed, I don't often care to disclose the specifics behind them. Thus, anyone who intends to stay close to me should be capable of culling and correctly interpreting the subtext from my often barbed and cryptic quips. (If you've got the chutzpah to try reading me, be sure that your inferences are accurate. Blind arrogance = immediate dismissal.) Should someone cross me, irritate me, break my trust, or render me otherwise uncomfortable, I won't hesitate to make a swift and silent departure. No explanations, no melodramatic confrontations, no second chances.
I consider myself socially and politically progressive, though I live my life by a more conservative moral code. I don’t drink or engage in recreational drug use. There are plenty of folks who think "You only live once!" is an acceptable justification for being reckless and short-sighted, yet I believe the same philosophy is more than sufficient reason for carrying out a cautious, thoughtful existence. I simply don't think our limited time on Earth ought to be wasted on the pursuit of self-destructive indulgences. (Yes, that was my Voice of Judgment. I have strong opinions, so get used to it.) I place great value on artistic creativity, whether it’s writing, drawing, sculpting, painting, cooking, sewing, music-making, or any other medium of free expression. Even if you can’t do, appreciate; it will get you far. I gravitate toward those who are practical, self-sufficient, and possess (or are actively pursuing) a strong sense of self-awareness.
On top of all of that, I’m basically a geek. I collect all kinds of action figures (see below), and I tend to enjoy now-obscure stuff (music, film) that was kinda-sorta cool about ten or fifteen years prior to my discovering it. The San Diego International Comic-Con is the pinnacle of my year. When it comes to technology, I’m completely inept: I’m not a gamer, I don’t have an iPod, and my touch-screen phone aggravates the hell out of me. I love words (despite how frequently my own fail me), and I love animals; the company I keep must do the same.
Despite the grave self-portrait I may be painting, I possess a broad sense of humour and find amusement in everything from slapstick to dead-baby jokes. Nothing is too dark, too raunchy, or otherwise taboo as long as it's witty and devoid of genuine bigotry. Except hateful jokes about Republicans. I'm pretty sure those punchlines are well-deserved and mostly true.
And fellas, be warned: I don't subscribe to all that ridiculous masc/femme bullshit that the gay community likes to fling at itself. I embrace the feminine aspects of my being as readily as the masculine ones, and I value the same ability in others. Conduct and integrity define a person more than any wishfully/fearfully self-applied label ever will, and if you think any guy whose mannerisms or interests do not proclaim I AM THE MANLIEST OF MEN! in a deep and thunderous voice is beneath you, pass me by. Archaic, one-dimensional views on sex and gender are not welcome here.
Are you scared yet?