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EloquentAsBalls

22 M Cypress, TX

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–28
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Sep 11
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Used up
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Never
Religion
Other, and very serious about it
Sign
Gemini, and it matters a lot
Education
Working on space camp
Job
Student
Income
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Likes dogs
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
TL;DR My spirit animal is a bear and I hated Breaking Bad.

I usually tell three lies when playing two truths and a lie. My favorite color is green. As I'm starting this I wish I knew how to make these bullet points. I'm trying to get over my fear of spiders. I like puffins but I think penguins are full of themselves. I have never been arrested for grand larceny. I don't know what grand larceny is. Like dogs I am afraid of thunder. I am of average height for a woman. I can dance very well for a white person. I prefer thesauruses to dictionaries. Donatello is my favorite ninja turtle, but Leonardo was my favorite figure of the Italian Renaissance. I don't believe in sea urchins, I've never seen one nor do I care to. Upon writing my entire profile, I'm let down that my user name has nothing to do with bears. There are secret messages scattered throughout my profile.

You're probably thinking to yourself that it was weird that I chose to inb4 before the wall of text, I am an enigma
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm majoring in History, may add education in there and be a bombass history teacher. Or may sell crack to children. Possibilities are endless.

Watching Holes on Netflix

Trying to figure out how to grow a beard that doesn't look shitty.

Developing the most delectable macaroni and cheese recipe.

My biggest aspiration nowadays is to have a pet duck. I'm not exactly shooting for the stars
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Cartwheels, reading my mind, inheriting things from dead people, Mickey Mouse impressions, making great comebacks to arguments that are already over, forgetting about my fantasy football team, being infatuated with bears, ruining my sleep schedule, falling asleep, not being a horse, imagining what people look like without their clothes, and living every day without being shot.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The first thing people notice about me is that I have them in a sleeper hold, then people notice I amdressed up like a pirate. Upon closer inspection people realize that I am walking on all fours and making bear noises.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
As for books I enjoy most things Fantasy/SciFi/Dystopian. Some favorites are The Princess Bride, The Giver, Battle Royale, The Outsiders, The Grimm's Fairy Tales, Steelheart, R.A. Salvatore, Hans Christian Andersen, Macbeth, and Othello.

I like the super hero trend going on in movies. I like to watch The Walking Dead, Parks and Recreation, Psych, Avatar, Arrow, Modern Family, Brooklyn 99, and anything on netflix which keeps my attention for at least the first episode.

The 50's and 60's were my favorite era of music. Doo Wop > Classic Rock > other types of music. Some of my favorite bands are Frankie Valli, Queen, Journey, The Beach Boys, Billy Joel, and Dion and The Belmonts.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Rainbows, unicorns, ribbons, tiaras, stuffed animals, and being secure in my masculinity.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The concept of infinity, bears, space, what people would look like without their noses, alternative contraceptions, shaved bears, an alternate universe taking place in the show Ducktales, whether or not bears shit in the woods, how many push-ups Sylvester Stallone could do, what spiders think about, being a pokemon master, hypothetical animal duels, hummus, if there is a deeper meaning to Cotton Eyed Joe, whether or not I'll ever be a professional wrestler.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Unaware it is Friday
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My friends all had armpit hair before I did, really ever since then my life has been a masculinity contest.

I am legitimately upset that the term bear is slang for large hairy gay man, because I think bears are badass. Since I'll never be a big gay man, I can never be a bear, ever.

I have a Disney Pandora station.

I use this site to learn what girls like.

I like ABBA

I cry a lot when watching television.

There aren't any secret messages scattered throughout my profile.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You will teach me how to swim.

You will recommend me things to watch on Netflix.

You can do a no-handed cartwheel.

You read all my writing and thought I was eloquent as balls.

You read all my writing and didn't exclaim to yourself out loud that I was a toolbag

You would never call me a toolbag in public

You would never laugh at me for crying in public after you called me a toolbag

Your name isn't fucking JESSICA and you aren't LITERALLY the meanest person in existence and you realize that calling someone a toolbag is NOT okay JESSICA.

You would never bully me and force me to move to another state because people started calling me toolbag Rick, which isn't even a clever nickname

Fuck you Jessica