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ElwynIII

35 M Howell, NJ

My Details

Last Online
Mar 31
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
7′ 11″ (2.41m)
Body Type
Used up
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Other, and laughing about it
Sign
Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Other
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Dislikes dogs and dislikes cats
Speaks
English, Sanskrit

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My self-summary
I was born into a family of circus performers. From the age of 0 to 13 I specialized in juggling and inter-mediate tumbling. At age 13 I ran away from the circus to join a conservative suburban family. They taught me about Jesus, the Hispanic postal worker who brought us our mail. He was cool. After milking them for pricey theremin lessons and a few SAT prep classes, I ran away from home again, this time to join the circus – but more upscale, this time: ZOOMANJI!

Not to be outdone by the Eastern European gymnasts and Sudanese strippers, I decided to have a prehensile tail surgically attached. The Las Vegas tourists were in awe of my feats acrobatic aerial derring-do and admiring of my svelte prehensile tail. After that I attended the University of Antartica (FRML WEAR REQ’D!*) where I received a BFA in Modern Dance.

Then I went to The School of Visual Arts in NYC to get an MFA where I learned the geographic coordinates of garbage cans filled with ice and cans of PBR. Since then I’ve been exhibiting my work in various art galleries around the country. I also write art reviews occasionally and have a book-keeping day-job.

*Go Fightin' Penquins!!!
What I’m doing with my life
Making art. This involves glue-gun, pipe cleaners, pom-poms, plywood, acrylic paint, latex paint, Styrofoam, empty coke bottles, plastic plants, tin-foil, enamel paint, paper, three-sizes of circular hole-punch, shredded paper, tinsel, caulk, packing peanuts, egg cartons, etc... It is not "crafts" though.
I’m really good at
I make a mean custard.
Intermediate to Advanced Level Glue Gun skills.
Kill-shot from 200+ meters.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I look sort of like Ryan Gosling. Or Napolean Dynamite. It's hard to say.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Music: I like Ty Segall, the sound-track to Ordinary People, and early pre-"Blackout" era Britney Spears (BEFORE SHE SOLD OUT!!!)

Favorite Movies: Anything in 16mm or directed by a Coppola, GHOSTBUSTERS. Infinite Jest IV (Unfinished, Unreleased.)

Favorite Books: Anything by Ayn Rand or Paul Krugman.

Food: Mostly I think it's just an enormous hassle. Beef Jerky.

Booze: Jack Daniels or PBR, mostly. Anything free.
The six things I could never do without
-cYRSTAlmEthn
-Cryyyyystal mthe.
-CrSysla Meth
-Ytisl memejejemme\
-Crystal m3th
-Breaking Bad Season 3 DVD box set featuring special audio commentaries from Vince Gilligan and Bryan Cranston. (Unfortunately, I destroyed Disc 3 by jamming it in my DiscMan - thinking that it was my CD anthology of ChumbaWumba b-sides, so I need a new copy, maybe you have it? I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!)
-My Bible (haha!!! Just Kidding, wouldn’t want you to think that I was “weird”)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Should I glue that blue thing to that white thing or paint that other thing green, first?
On a typical Friday night I am
Watching re-runs of The Jeffersons and eating Rocky Road ice cream out of the carton.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I used to have a prehensile tale.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 25–38
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
-You’re into guys who used to have a prehensile tail.
-You think that Radiohead is over-rated.
-You think that people who can't pick a favorite book or at least name a few authors that they like are functionally illiterate.
-DO NOT message me if you have a sense of humor. Funny people are narcissists, trying to hog the spotlight with their comedyjokes and wittyrepartiecomments and always the jokes. I find the physical sensation of laughter to be overly convulsive and generally discomfiting.
-You noticed but don’t overly mind that I may have misused the word “discomfit.”
-You think that Dada-Surrealism/irony are a cheap gimmicks for an on-line dating profile. This strategy risks nothing in terms of self-revelation, real vulnerability, or honesty. It’s off-putting, too-clever by half, and probably a little snarky...
-And yet you know that self-revelation sometimes requires something more than a direct confessional and that lies and half-truths might tell us who we truly are more effectively than some litany of facts and opinions.