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EpistleofJames

42 Salt Lake City, UT Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 36–52
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Dec 15
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Never
Religion
Christianity, and very serious about it
Sign
Pisces, but it doesn’t matter
Education
University
Job
Technology
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Offspring
Has kids, but doesn’t want more
Pets
Dislikes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Hello? Is this thing on? Anyone out there?

I'm funny. But looks aren't everything, unless you're completely shallow like me. I am down to earth because when the aliens abducted me, they found my brain wasn't large enough according to their fish and game proclamation, so they threw me back. I love to sing, but I got asked to stop because I sound like a drunken teen-aged otter. I love long walks on the beach, but I am tired of the tide coming in every time and there was that one time that Greenpeace tried to throw me back into the ocean when I accidentally fell asleep. (To their credit, they thought they were saving my life, somehow.) I like to read, but sounding out the words hurts my medulla oblongata. I consider myself to be a well rounded individual, because I'm, well, rounded. And I don't care what anyone says, round is still a shape! I smoke, but only when I'm on fire. Someone once said "character is who you are in the dark." Well, I'm a character alright, especially in the dark! Oh, and I smoosh spiders, open stuck jars and such. Gimme a jingle, would ya?
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm looking into taking over the world, and I'd like someone to rule it with me. With a velvet fist. I feel that I am obligated to point out that I am not LDS. I am not religious, but I do believe in God and the Bible. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, and while He is always faithful, I fail Him a lot (that's what's so amazing about grace.) That should narrow things down quite dramatically. I've wanted to take a long, leisurely drive on the Pacific Coast Highway, stopping at little towns and finding a quaint little restaurant. Of course, this would be much more meaningful to have someone along to enjoy the scenery, if not the company.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'm good at thinking. I also have a quick wit and enjoy making others laugh. You can really tell when someone is happy when they laugh. I took a test on here, and apparently, I'm a good kisser (I'm not sure how that is, since I don't get a lot of practice. I have my doubts.) I'm really very good at poetry. Observe the following:

Roses are red,
Bacon is red,
Poems are hard,
Bacon.

Ah, what prose! Sometimes I amaze even myself (it's not that hard.)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My beard, i guess. Maybe my glasses? No one's really told me. So, I get this email from okcupid telling me that I'm hot. My first thought was, they sent it to the wrong address because I'm about as hot as the second Tuesday in January in North Pole, Alaska.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I like action/adventure movies. Typical guy.
I like Robert Jordan books, AKA Wheel of Time (fantasy,) and Tony Hillerman (mystery.) All my favorite authors are dead.
When it comes to movies, I would probably be called a major geek. You know, Star Wars, Star Trek, all that nonsense.
I have a wide taste in music, excluding rap (although, I suppose I could acquire the taste, if the right reason came along.)
Food... I love food, and I have been known to try things that would gross other people out. I'm not extreme, but I just enjoy different flavors. I lean heavily toward seafood.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
gaming, movies, my kids, bowling, pool, swimming, conversation, humor, tin foil hats, origami, clown shoes, rainbow afros, pocket lint, thumb wrestling, tasty crustaceans, sunsets, walks in the park, the smell of napalm in the morning, God, the Bible, Jesus. Yes, I know that's more than 6, but many can be combined. Like bowling in clown shoes with tin foil hats. I'm also a rebel, I don't follow all the rules.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Whatever comes to mind. I'm wondering if we were all zombies once and there was a human apocalypse. I wonder why we drive on parkways and park on driveways. I ponder about things like, if the plural of goose is geese, why isn't the plural of moose "meese?" I think about finding a woman who can take my stony heart and turn it into putty in her hands. For such a woman, I would give up anything that would come between us.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Doing nothing. Sometimes I entertain my oldest son. I figure a good date might go something along the lines of going to McDonalds and you can pick whatever value meal you want. If you're nice, I would consider upsizing it. And if there's a spark, I might get a McFlurry. Doesn't that sound fun?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I am a terrible cook. I once burned water. That's right, I was boiling water to cook some noodles, when I came back the water had boiled off.

This really isn't private, but I enjoy romance. I also adore Grumpy Cat, because he's got a much more bubbly personality than I do. I also love lamp.

Oh! I have to talk about this time I went to the movie theater around Halloween and watched The Ring on a lark (if you haven't seen the movie, this won't mean anything to you.) After the movie is over, I stand up to leave, and as I look down, I notice I'm standing in a puddle of water (I am not joking.) I don't easily "creep out," but driving home, I kept expecting a drowned girl in pajamas to come out of nowhere.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
if you enjoy having a nice conversation. I will try not to put you to sleep. Unless you're an insomniac and need the sleep, then I will try to put you to sleep. :D I hope someone out there got a chuckle reading my crap.

You're welcome to message me if you just want to talk. I don't bite, and I try to hold up my end. I'm a no pressure kind of guy.