31 Burlington, Ontario, CA
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My self-summary
is somewhat lacking. At some point in the near future I should really sit down and finishing writing this. I mean... this is the first impression that I am giving someone looking at my profile? That sucks. I apologize in advance to you (though I guess it isn't really in advance because if you are reading this the damage has already been done).
What I’m doing with my life
isn't really that exciting. I think by now you can tell that I am very good at finishing incomplete sentences. That's not really something to brag about, especially in relation to a question as important as "what are you doing with your life?", but it's at least a start.
I’m really good at
Writing sentences in boxes and making those sentences seem like they are a part of the half sentences in blue above that prompt me to finish them.
The first things people usually notice about me
is my skill in seamlessly continuing half sentences written in blue.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
"It was terribly dangerous to let your thoughts wander when you were in any public place or within range of a telescreen. The smallest thing could give you away. A nervous tic, an unconscious look of anxiety, a habit of muttering to yourself--anything that carried with it the suggestion of abnormality, of having something to hide. In any case, to wear an improper expression on your face...; was itself a punishable offense. There was even a word for it in Newspeak: facecrime..."

"'I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!'"

"Everything belonged to him--but that was a trifle. The thing to know was what he belonged to, how many powers of darkness claimed him for their own. That was the reflection that made you creepy all over. It was impossible--not good for one either--trying to imagine. He had taken a high seat amongst the devils of the land--I mean literally. You can't understand--how could you?"

"Women are like goats. It's like . . . Well, reasoning with a woman is like sitting down to a friendly game of dice. Only the woman refuses to acknowledge the basic bloody rules of the game. A man, he'll cheat you - but he'll do it honestly. He'll use loaded dice, so that you think you're losing by chance. And if you aren't clever enough to spot what he's doing, then maybe he deserves to take your coin. And that's that. A woman, though, she'll sit down to that same game and she'll smile, and act like she's going to play. Only when it's her turn to throw, she'll toss a pair of her own dice that are blank on all six sides. Not a single pip showing. She'll inspect the throw, then she'll look up at you and say, 'clearly I just won.' Now, you'll scratch your head and look at the dice. Then you'll look up at her, then down at the dice again 'But there aren't any pips on these dice' you'll say." 'Yes there are,' she'll say. 'And both dice rolled a one.' 'That's exactly the number you need to win,' you'll say. 'What a coincidence,' she'll reply, then begin to scoop up your coins. And you'll sit there, trying to wrap your head 'bout what just happened. And you'll realise something. A pair of ones isn't the winning throw! Not when you threw a six on your turn. That means she needed a pair of twos instead! Excitedly you'll explain what you've discovered. Only then do you know what she'll do?" "No idea, Mat." "Then she'll reach over and rub the blank faces of her dice. And then, with a perfectly straight face, she'll say, 'I'm sorry. There was a spot of dirt on the dice. Clearly you'll see they actually came up as twos!' And she'll believe it. She'll bloody believe it!" "Incredible." "Only that's not the end of it!" "I had presumed it wouldn't be Mat." "She scoops up all of your coins. And then every other wonam in the room will come over and congratulate her on throwing that pair of twos! The more you complain, the more those bloody women will join in the argument. You'll be outnumbered in a moment, and each of those women will explain to you how those dice clearly read twos, and how you really need to stop behaving like a child. Every single flaming one of them will see the twos! even the prudish woman who has hated your woman from birth - since your woman's granny stole the other woman's granny's honeycake recipe when they were both maids - that woman will side against you." "They're nefarious creatures indeed." "By the time they're done, you'll be left with no coin, several lists worth of errands to run and what clothing to wear and a splitting headache. You'll sit there and stare at the table and begin to wonder, just maybe, if those dice didn't read twos after all. If only to preserve what's left of your sanity. That's what it's like to reason with a woman, I tell you."
The six things I could never do without
are as follows:
- Blue words.
- Half finished sentences.
- Empty text boxes.
- The style guide.
- The green save button.
- The internet.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
how to most efficiently complete half sentences written in blue. This takes up most of my spare time, but that is okay because I am really good at it. Usually I can write three to four sentences before it becomes obvious that I am not actually talking about anything. How far can you get?
On a typical Friday night I am
on OKCupid trying my best to finish sentences that are half written in blue. It is not exciting, but it is my life. Sorry.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
is that I have no training whatsoever when it comes to finishing half finished blue sentences. Most people think that I went to school for it, but they are wrong. It is all self-taught. As I said before I can usually make it three or four sentences before people catch on and call me out for not actually saying anything or answering the implied question. My goal is to one day average five sentences. I admit that it's a stretch, but a man can dream!
You should message me if
you want to message me (and can adequately finish half finished blue sentences). In fact, I will give you something to test you. It will also prove that you were crazy enough to read my profile to the bottom (or that you were smart enough to skip to the bottom). Here is the test sentence. Please pretend it is written in blue:

Upward, yet not