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27 Seattle, WA Man


I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 18–40
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 8:26pm
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from high school
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), German (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.

This is the most important thing I have ever seen.

(Genital Appreciation Rant v2) I think penises are pretty much the cutest things ever, and when I see them I just want to kiss them on their adorable little heads. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a gross nerd.

I am a manic pixie fat kid. A joyful cynic. If Kirby was a gender, I would be that. I am filled with love floating atop a thin layer of self-loathing. Mostly love. S'beautiful.

In spite of my cock-loving ways, gender doesn't usually factor into attraction for me. I think pansexual might cover it? Really, I am primarily attracted to enjoyable people with a skill of some sort.

It's difficult for me to say, "Oh you like (A)? Then you would also appreciate (B) as they have (shared characteristic) in common." Instead, I will gush, "You like (A)! Awesome! Here's something else that's awesome! Fuck yeah! Awesome things! Let's hold each other!"

This song is so bad that I can't help but love it.

Cuddling is a greater need for me than food. This is always true.

"'cause everyone made him a boy, and God didn't think to ask his preference."
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Running the kitchen for a Seattle-based popcorn company. (If you are an Australian popcorn seller, hi!)

More importantly, I am searching for someone to sever my head and display it above the gates to their fortress. This is my mission in life.

Also, I am addicted to the Chris Gethard Show.

So, just going to continue being super up-front and say that I am working through a lot of stuff. Childhood trauma, depression, recessio-o-on, etc. If you can't handle that, that's cool. I won't hold it against you. I can be distant, but mainly because I don't feel comfortable reaching out. I am very affectionate, once boundaries are established.

Here is a short film my brother and I made during a break from recording. It tells a powerful story, and I fully endorse it.

My only true goal in life is to be hugged by Reggie Watts.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Cuddling. Man, woman, none of the above, I don't care. Motherfucker, I will cuddle the shit out of you! I'm a goddamn teddy bear!

Recognizing comedians. Learning from transgression. Empathy. Listening. High-speed whisking. Noticing obscure patterns in words.

Also also wik.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Oh, I do hope it's my eyes. I am quite fond of them. I take them everywhere I go, and display them prominently at every opportunity.

Um... Big, colorful, hirsute princess. Covered in scars, shaping their nails at a bus stop.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.

My favorite book is most definitely Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (recently butchered by the BBC!). I consume a great deal of WORD-COLLECTIONS, so it is difficult to sift through all the other wonderful things I have read to pick a few... and yet here I go! The works of Stephen Jay Gould, H. P. Lovecraft, and Douglas Adams. A Song of Ice and Fire. This is becoming less and less structured as it continues. Trigun, The Areas of My Expertise, Anarchy Evolution. American Gods. Neil Gaiman is wonderful, really.

Ooh... favorite movie would have to be Brazil, followed by Duck Soup, Dr. Strangelove, Harold and Maude, and Super. Really, anything involving Terry Gilliam, the Coen Brothers, or the Marx Bros. delights me. (De. Light. Delight. Just doesn't make sense to me, now.) I also very much enjoy any film directed by Park Chan-Wook. I've only seen it once, but I enjoyed Mean Girls so much I feel the need to mention it. Also, the Evil Dead movies. I once met Bruce Campbell, and let me tell ya... he is shorter than I expected.

Favorite shows would be MST3K, Arrested Development, Peep Show, Blackadder, QI, Breaking Bad, Home Movies, and Futurama. Sometimes I feel like Rick and Morty was made for me.

Music covers far too much. Lately I have been listening to a lot of Mission of Burma, The Cure, and Opeth. I could talk endlessly about music. There is so much that I adore. Ween, Jaga Jazzist, Anklepants, Ultra Zook, Elephant9, Strapping Young Lad, Neil Young (mostly any album that has the phrase "Crazy Horse" on it), Frank Zappa, Captain Beefheart, Danny Gatton, Zach Hill, Tom Waits, Anathema, Adrian Belew, They Might Be Giants, Zimmer's Hole, Sleepytime Gorilla Museum, Type O Negative, Opeth, Bonnie "Prince" Billy, Tom Petty, Johnny Cash, Bad Religion, Greg Graffin (redundant? No.), Megadeth (back when Dave's insanity was less overt), Igorrr, Voivod, anything Chris Poland does, Death, Doc Watson, Corrosion of Conformity, Alice in Chains, Faun Fables, Billie Holiday, Reverend Horton Heat, Buddy Rich, System of a Down, Dark Tranquility, Emperor, Death Grips, the Beastie Boys, Tool, Pryapisme. I love the Pixies far too much. I also have a special place in my heart for video game soundtracks.

I'm gonna be a rebel like EVERYONE ELSE and list games too! Psychonauts! Planescape: Torment! Yoshi's Island! Super Metroid! Mega Man Legends! Kirby! Earthworm Jim! Vagrant Story! Magic: the Gathering (I suck at it!)! Eternal Darkness! Killer 7! Killing Floor (I met John Gibson and his family last year, and they were all delightful)! Killing is my business, and this isn't a game! Cards Against Humanity! S.T.A.L.K.E.R.! The Binding of Isaac! Fallout, all iterations! Morrowind, Oblivion (less so), Skyrim! Arcanum! Your dick!

I actually don't normally have the urge to eat. I do enjoy most food though. I just have to be reminded occasionally that it is technically necessary for survival. Favorite objects to ingest are usually fruity, spicy, sour, or potatoes. I've started learning to cook proper human food (as opposed to the food I make for a living). So far I can make some damn fine hummus, some excellent mashed potatoes, chili, and splendorous chicken and dumplings (I have no food vocabulary). If you like 'em thick or soupy, I'm your man*!

*contents may not be as described
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Most of my fingers (let's be honest, no one needs both pinkies that isn't a pianist, and even they could learn to deal with it)
My brother

I'd say dick, but eh.

That is all.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
I don't spend a lot of time thinking about this, but I DO think that the movie 300 not only has the ability to have opinions on sex, but it also hates everything about sex.


Why can't a woman have a beard?

One can never truly have a milk moustache as long as one has an actual moustache... The sacrifices we make for vanity!

Why there isn't a power metal band called Masturbating the Dragon.

Eyes. Textures.

The warmth of blasphemy.

I constantly think about words. Their function, their construction. The rhythm of speech and how I would sound if I hadn't lost my accent. Video game development. Art. Apathy, and how I want to destroy it.

Also, bowler hats. It is an unhealthy fixation. I NOW OWN ONE, though, so it seems much less unhealthy.

Devy is my spirit animal.

If you are wondering why I value expression over knowledge, I can offer some explanation. I grew up in extreme poverty and I was homeless for a number of years. I am a child and I have just begun to speak.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Doing an impression of Duke Nukem uttering such phrases as "But I'm a pretty baby?" I don't restrict this activity to Fridays, mind you. This is my LIFE, goddamnit!
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over. think I look cute in a dress.

Or if you would like to engage in disjointed, somewhat-informed, entirely over-thought banter. Especially message me if you enjoy being cuddled like they were on molly by bearded weirdos whilst having deeply introspective conversations about things that probably don't matter to most.

If this makes you happy in your heart-place.

Or if you just read the bit about me kissing dicks and thought that sounded nice.

Relevant to our interaction: If I've sent you a message, it is most likely just a thought that has occurred while reading your profile, and possibly a further bit of absurd rambling because sometimes I amuse myself. While I would like a conversation to stem from wherever it may, I am rarely attempting to start one. I do try to tell people who seem particularly likeable that they are, BECAUSE THERE IS NO REASON NOT TO ENCOURAGE THAT WHICH IS GRAND. That said, feel free to message me back. Just know that I may have neither the desire to respond, nor anything further to say.

Feel free to ignore everything I've said.

Feel free, because you are.