Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


39 Auckland, New Zealand Man


Similar users

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25-45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Dec 21, 2013
Seeing Someone
5' 9" (1.75m)
Body Type
Agnosticism but it’s not important
Dropped out of University
Doesn’t want kids
Has cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm a pedigree cat with fleas. I'm in the gutter throwing confetti at the moon. I'm a tourist in the sewers playing mandolin rainbows to the cockroaches.

I'm up all night in the kitchen trying to catch the garden gnomes having a conversation.

(Are you still reading? Cool. I was just trying to weed out the uh, incompatibles. Guess you must be okay then, huh. How cool do you feel right now.)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I process the case files of criminals before they are charged for their horrific and unspeakable crimes.

Kind of like Batman, but with a lot more paperwork.

Meanwhile, I have four current goals:

1. Join a band
2. Learn sign language
3. Buy some bongos
4. Hitch-hike from the east coast of America to the west

My goals rule.

Also just taken up Thai Kickboxing. Just because of how bad-ass that sounds. To be honest, considering how much I suck at it, I probably should have taken up Thai Cooking instead. Or Thai Beatboxing.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'm really good at bad haiku.

My best friend's toothbrush / why do you feel so scratchy / against my nipples
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!

[Hold on, wait, that's not sexy; let's say - my eyes]
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Right now I'm about to bake my friend a chocolate cake. Cake is a great invention. I guess you could say I have a sweet tooth... I like to ganache my teeth.

I'm a movie snob who will tell you your favourite movie with explosions in it is crap and then make you watch some 3 hour Russian thing with subtitles until you fall asleep.

Musically... well I was into Chopin before he was cool, man. BEFORE he was cool. Think about that.

Last book I read was 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. I know. I'm ashamed. I disliked it, mind you. I couldn't relate to any the characters. That should tell you more about me than anything else I write here.

My favourite writer of all time is actually William Burroughs.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I could never do without: little porcelain pigs, friendly shop assistants, children answering back to their parents, resveratrol, earplugs, and uh, tabasco sauce.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why do duck hunters use guns? Why not just put them in a duck-sized electric chair.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I'm at the Police station processing criminals.

That, or getting drunk and getting processed at the station as a criminal.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have a moustache
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you're an unemployed drug addict who lives with her parents in a caravan park.

If you've read the whole profile, congratulations! You deserve a reward. Here's the real personal stuff, just for you. First secret insight: I'm actually a quiet person, far too sensitive for my own good and all polysyllabic up the wazoo. [At the same time, I have friends and I like to go out and party. I know. It's ridiculous. But introversion is the predominant feature.]

I'm here because I'd like to make a connection for once on a deep mental level, rather than grope someone drunkenly in a bathroom who turns out to be dumb as all buggery.

So. If you feel like you're a little bit different in some indefinable way (like maybe people don't get you sometimes, because you bring up Dostoevsky in conversation and they say 'huh?' - or you purposefully don't bring up Dostoevsky in conversations, because hey, wanky - but you know who he is)... and you're not a Robbie Williams fan either, we may have something to talk about.

Otherwise, yay All Blacks, beer, tits etc.