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Fantasticks

27 M New York, NY

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 7:55pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.77m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Judaism, and laughing about it
Sign
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Technology
Income
$80,000–$100,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes dogs
Speaks
English (Fluently), Hebrew (Fluently), Russian (Fluently), French (Poorly), C++ (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
You clicked on a picture of a guy hanging upside down from a pole! That took some nerve.

Research shows that messaging me has been proven to maintain healthy skin, improve your mood and protect your laptop from viruses!

In recent years I have coached tennis, operated a battle tank, run a lasers laboratory, traded financial derivatives from an office in the middle of the desert and developed global marketing strategy for toilet paper. And those were just my jobs, wait till I tell you about my hobbies.

I do everything sincerely, nothing ironically. I'm honest past the point of tactlessness.

Body type: Human, male shaped. Full complement of necessary body parts, no extras.

My name is Jacob, and I'm a Tar Heel.
What I’m doing with my life
Getting paid to do financial software, in turn paying to do stand-up comedy, play volleyball and soccer. In 10 years I'm equally likely to be a Wall Street millionaire, a modestly living PhD or a broke failed comedian.
I’m really good at
Making the inappropriate joke at the wrong time, putting top-spin on a serve, assembling IKEA furniture, having an opinion and an argument about everything, texting back the next day, spitting gum out and kicking it back into my mouth from the air, cooking chili, playing with nipples.

I'm not good at: humility, keeping my answers serious.
The first things people usually notice about me
I walk out of an office on Wall Street with bright red laces in my shoes because I'm still fuzzy about the whole concept of business casual. Why do we even call it business casual? It's an oxymoron!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books - engrossing, movies - picturesque, shows - splendiferous, music - melodious, food - beef stew.

Look, I bet you haven't seen/read/heard my favorite movie/book/band. That's great! What's better than leading each other to discover wonderful new options?
The six things I could never do without
I have done without almost anything, so if I had to pick six I'd guess my two legs, two eyes and two testicles will get me through most things. I do love my MP3 player though, I may give a testicle for that one.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Dirty jokes, paradoxes in Bayesian epistemology, start-up ideas.
On a typical Friday night I am
Playing volleyball at an old Czech gym with former pros and then drinking gin until 2 am. But I can do brunch on Saturday after 11 am or so.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have absolutely no secrets. You want a good idea for a first message? Ask me something personal.

Here's one: my last serious relationship was open for two years in the form of ethical nonmonogamy (being 100% honest with each other and everyone else we were seeing). I'm personally quite incapable of feeling jealousy, and we both enjoyed the arrangement. I don't think that relationships should be open from the get go, but I do think that two adults shouldn't be afraid to design the relationship that fits both of them (exclusivity, intensity, roles, boundaries...) rather than falling into some default mould that only exists in rom-coms.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 20–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
You'll feel really dumb reading all the way to the bottom of this page and leaving without even saying hi.

You're kind hearted and also a badass.

I'm looking for a woman with ideas and opinions: on the conflict in the Ukraine, on the NBA, on cool places in town. I can always be the one picking the restaurant and the topic of conversation myself, but it's going to be boring for both of us. Ideally, you have passion, ambition, and enough things to fill your day by yourself. I will take care of you because I want to, not because you need a man.