I am not interested in a romantic connection with someone who self identifies as christian, catholic, orthodox anything (jewish, islamic, or the various eastern European.) On the other hand, if you are a non believer and want to speak of your non-belief every day I get tired of it too. If you have a deeply personal sense of spirit and don't have to reveal your depth all the time I would be most happy with you.
I am not interested in any wrong wing slobberer (followers of Faux News and the ilk.) I am not interested in anyone who believes in the inherent goodness of the democratic party either. OKC continually sends me pictures of way too young women and those with less than 70% match; usually these are in the aforementioned list. I don't know how to fix the broken algorithm. I even get men looking at me. Hi guys, no, not interested but good luck, i'd dance at your wedding.
Also, if you don't say much in your profile or answer any questions how can I know who or what you are. A photo isn't enough. If you haven't read my profile how can you think you want to communicate with me. I ask for more than a, Hi, how are you." Please reference something buried deep within and give me at least several (coherent) sentences. If you are a 50% match and don't say anything don't expect a response.
I know women get a LOT more interest and many men don't care about the match numbers. They look at a picture and want to take the plunge even at 20%, or that's what women friends tell me. I get discouraged even with the 99%ers here. What about it those who are reading this, do you have the same off match numbers and age inappropriate links sent to you too?
Since I posted the above (15 minutes ago) I have been visited by a 35%, a 43%, a 63% and a 55% match all self identifying as those with whom I state I'm not interested in a connection. See what I mean? Why are we popping up on each other's pages? How is the algorithm to be fixed?
OK, here is the essay
This is a long essay carefully crafted to separate those with potential from those without. I write about who I am and what I do and don't desire. Being a complete and whole person I am a patient man and not desperate. For even more information go to "the two of us" and answer some questions. I have answered over 2800 (wheew.) All of them with direct honesty. This is another self operating filtration system. Although many questions are silly and poorly phrased there are enough good ones to serve us well. I am liking the process.
Many people just don't read this through, I don't blame them; it is a lot of info. One point I want to make up front and emphatically clear is I am not interested in a relationship or meeting with anyone whose faith precludes any other system of belief. This means: those who subscribe to exclusive faiths such as any fundamentalist or assertive Christianity (this includes Catholicism & Orthodoxy) or Islam or Zionist Judaism (even secular) do not interest me. Also cultists who believe I can be converted to their POV (this includes followers of Ayn Rand, Joseph Smith/Brigham Young, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, L.Ron Hubbard, and their ilk. All delusional; and their devotees can be dangerous) please do not waste either of our time. If I knew you outside this forum I would certainly have coffee but if the discussion drifted towards this you would not be happy with me, I promise.
Those whose beliefs don't exclude the possibility their system of belief might have gaps in its logic are welcome. Sorry to have to put too blunt a message but I am tired of people who, when told I don't have the same system, are shocked by my apostasy. The word religion means, "That which binds us together." There are over 41,000 groups of people whose self designation is "christian" in the US. Most of these feel if you belong to one of the others and not their's you are going to hell. This is definitely exclusionary; not inclusive.
I'm eclectic in the paths I've studied (not necessarily followed) and from which I draw wisdom and solace: Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Gnosticism, Animism, Shamanism, and many mystics from diverse traditions; of course, the philosophers from many schools of wisdom. I'm interested in the direct experience of spirit, not theology. One of the proudest moments of my life was when I heard Pat Robertson had declared me "irredeemable" after a discussion where I drove holes in his fallacies so wide you could sail an aircraft carrier though them.
You are free to believe or practice whatever you choose of course but please don't try to convert me to your system of belief. Even a hint and I'm out the door. Oh, I might go to a service if I find the practice interesting (I don't find any of the above listed interesting) but it would be out of respect for you, not from belief. I'm not gonna be believing in the infallibility of your myth, ever.
I don't think atheism excludes a sense of "spirituality".
By "spirituality", I mean having the sense or experience of awe, wonder, magnificence, majesty, inspiration and transcendence - whether through meditation, creative acts like art or music, human endeavors like architecture or the space program, the epiphany that comes with scientific understanding, or natural beauty.
This way of thinking about "atheistic spirituality" does not include "actual spirits" or "things metaphysical".
I think a "sense of spirituality" is something shared by all humans and was coopted by religion to serve dishonest and nefarious agendas.
I am a devout Iconoclastic Catalyst, a Humanist of the Secular Persuasion. I believe the way we treat people (including ourselves,) the planet (including other life forms) is how we can be judged; by ourselves and others. At the same time I support the individual search for truth and meaning as I respect the individual understanding of spirit. Pogo is my guru. A recap: Those who subscribe to a faith that precludes others' spiritual truths or any system which doesn't value diversity in philosophy probably won't be happy with me. Have common spirit instead of dogma please. Thank you for understanding.
A caveat: I have a reaction to many perfumes; I am sensitive to many of the neuro-toxins and chemicals used in many of the 'newer' scents and makeup. I (and many others) get spinning headaches when exposed to some. These scents can desensitize the olfactory ability of those wearing them which requires a heavier application just so the wearer can smell themselves. If your perfume precedes you by 3 feet or more I can't be next to you for long. I just can't be around the way most makeup smells or tastes; including lipstick (most eye makeup is ok to me but toxic to you) now with the research finding lead in lipstick maybe you should re-consider the use. I realize this puts me outside the box for many out there reading this but I also don't want to waste your time. You really don't need makeup, really; liberate yourself and stay healthy.
Now the substance
I believe friends are Nature's masterpiece. Spirit and ideas have more beauty than things. I can be immobilized by a work of art or a brilliant philosophical concept; a passionate and brilliantly performed movement within a symphony; a sonata, a pas de deux or a boogie woogie piano solo can transport me to an alternate dimension. I am in search of revelations of the mysteries, epiphanies as it were, in the concrete and ordinary world. Constructs of my explorations as filtered through my active internal synesthetically-inclined world(s).
I have tried to teach my children that mediocre or disdainful people gossip about people; average people talk about possessions and exceptional people talk about ideas. This is a guideline I try to follow. I strive to live by actions and not be defined by mine or other's words.
I am interested & opinionated but not a dogmatic or proselytizing man (well, maybe a little, but I will try to persuade from logic, facts & heart; never just blind faith.) I can be convinced that I am wrong and apologize.
I move to my own rhythms & dance the wild rumpus soulfully, solely and on rare occasions, solipsistically...
I have been told by many friends that I am the calmest person they know.
I try to behave like wherever I am is the small town where I will live for the rest of my life. This doesn’t mean I am reticent or withdrawn or not occasionally outrageous but respectful. As a high self monitor I will always be outspoken with my beliefs, joys, and concerns; for silence is the voice of complicity. I am a fearless advocate of stray dogs, bullied kids and the downtrodden-in-general. I've loved deeply in my past and am not afraid to do so again (but somewhat leery after 2 divorces.)
Vegetarian but don't proselytize.
I listen to every point of view and honor the source even when I vehemently disagree. There does, however, come a point when further discussion is not fruitful.
I am highly political and active about it. I hosted a progressive political talk radio show on public radio in Santa Fe until my views got to the operations manager of "Free Speech Radio".
I strive to be creative, understanding, compassionate, kind, self-reliant, nonjudgmental (well...I make a real attempt), respectful, adaptable, expressive, curious, sensual, passionate, & loyal. I don't criticize what I don't understand (I do make a serious attempt at understanding.) I will always be forever young & self-confident (vs. self-absorbed or cocky.)
Cheeeez, I sound like a Boy Scout with Bob Dylan, Ram Das, Pogo & Noam Chomski as Scout Leaders.
I like to make music and talk with friends old and new well into the wee hours. I am not an accomplished musician but have fun playing anyway.
Because I believe most play involves friendship as most friendship involves play of one sort or another. A playful attitude is what I'm talking about here; the sense of awe and wonder that a child brings to new friends and experiences. I am a magnet to children and dogs. Kids seem to know when the respect offered is true. They also instinctively know that pain shared is diminished and pleasure shared is magnified. Dogs always know your truths that cats don't care about (not to diss these great feline companions.) Kids and dogs both show their joy. I like that.
I'm invariably polite to the wait staff and tip well to boot. Someone who is nice to you and mean to the wait staff is not a kind person. Kind is an always attribute.
I will give you direct eye contact. I will write poetry or build a treehouse for you or bring flowers for no special reason except my appreciation of your essence. I will wash your hair with the most amazing scalp massage you have ever had, bar none and your feet with a life changing foot massage.
I'm always up for a road trip to nowhere or anywhere.
I spend most winters (2-4 months) on the west coast of Mexico just inside the Tropic of Cancer (think the same latitude as Havana, Hawai'i, Timbuktu, Gujarat, Mandalay, Guangzhou, and Teipei; not Cabo, well the same latitude but across the mouth of the Gulf of California.) where the average daytime temp is 24 - 28C. The birds there are spectacular (I am a serious birder.)
I nurture the hell out of people I care about. I have kind green eyes. I'll read to you in bed. I smile readily, laugh freely and dance when I am moved (with or without music that anyone else can hear.)
I appreciate the evolution in a person as the chrysalis bursts and the imago is realized. I will recognize that you are different than me and appreciate that difference with support and encouragement.
I would seduce you
with the sound of first fruit
dropped in an
otherwise empty pail,
with the blush
of berries on the
bottom of the box,
and the insistent flutter
of a hummingbird
wing in flight,
with the rainbow blink
so close they sting the eye
in one wet expiring sphere
of startled light.
In the interests of full disclosure; being with me isn't exactly like a day at the beach. I’ve been told I am a walking contradiction but I prefer to think of it as being multifaceted. I require prolonged silences as well as intense communication.
My dear friend and ex-wife writes this about me: When people ask me to describe Tom I just tell them to think of a hot ice cube, deafening mime, an ephemeral mountain. Slow lightning, liquid sound, tropical tundra and spherical needles. What really gets the idea across is when I suggest a tiny skyscraper, desiccated seas, annual sunsets, a domesticated earthquake, or silky stucco. He loves like a tender hurricane; a gentle, peaceful, passionate and calm warrior. Always ready to laugh at his own foibles. He can bring a little Tom Waits into your Joni Mitchell life.
I don't get this "Enemy" filter. I recognize some folks might have issues with each other but to assume they would be enemies is presumptuous at best. You have to be pretty mean to me to be my enemy, I promise. We might not get along but this doesn't make you my "enemy". If you do wish to become my enemy you won't prosper at it, I promise.
Wow, I just looked at my "personality " ratings. They are pretty spot on; I am more of almost everything I care about (except arrogant, I try not to be arrogant) than anyone I have seen, I mean really, more categories than I thought they had!
I am perceptive, aware, ingenious, resourceful, and adept.
I use my considerable powers for good.
Metaphors Be With You.
What I am looking for:
I can always use a(some)friend(s).
My curiosity of the human experience isn't limited to dates or bed partners. My hopes and desires are not pre-scripted but fluid and accepting. I believe relationships are based on chemistry and communication not checklists and expectations. However, I am aware of several things that do and don't work for me (I have been married twice.)
As far as an age range: I don't want to date someone half my age and there is no one twice my age. I am at an age where most women even 10 years older seem to have settled into certain patterns which preclude many activities I enjoy. At 10 years younger there are definite cultural interstices. Many women 20 years younger are mature and vibrant and have hit their stride in their personal exploration also with something to discuss. 30 years (half my age) younger are certainly lovely to observe but rarely a true cultural affinity ... except in the historical sense. Plus I don't want to date my daughter. 40 years younger they are children with whom I have no interest except as an intellectual/artistic mentor/friend.
I often use a Woodstock (Mid 1969) birth date as a cut off date for even considering more than a coffee conversation but this is not a hard and fast rule..
I Hunt For A Sign Of You
I hunt for a sign of you in all the others,
In the rapid undulant river of women,
Braids, shyly sinking eyes,
Light step that slices, sailing through the foam.
Suddenly I think I can make out your nails,
Oblong, quick, nieces of a cherry:
Then it's your hair that passes by, and I think
I see your image, a bonfire, burning in the water.
I searched, but no one else had your rhythms,
Your light, the shady day you brought from the forest;
Nobody had your ears.
You are whole, exact, and everything you are is one,
And so I go along, with you I float along, loving
A wide Mississippi toward a feminine sea.
~ Pablo Neruda
I seek a being imbued with grace and dignity. (Dignity does not mean being aloof. You can be dignified while in the middle of a snowball fight or dripping sweat on the trail. Its an inner thing.) One who knows the truth of her beauty and will let me remind her. I am Loyal to friends and family & expect the same in return.
Maybe through this exploration I might find a friend to qualify as a lover, maybe not. Making love is more than 'sleeping together'. These activities can include cleaning the house and cooking together or smelling the conifers at 3,200 meters during a hike.)
I believe a serious relationship involves play. A reasonable libido is a beautiful aspect of life. This is a subject to be explored more in depth when the leisure of personal contact is established.
Traditional relationships don't seem to be the path for me. By this I mean I (She) don't (doesn't) need a physical presence all the time. I (she) have (has) other relationships and friendships. A woman with men friends is fine; I have woman friends. LGBT friendly and accepting is important also.
Is there someone with a multi-cultural awareness, appreciation, sensitivity & respect who is reading this? I spend a fair amount of time immersed in different cultures whose rules aren't instinctive to most euro/afri/asi-americans. There are at least 50 distinct living (First Nations) cultures in the 4 corners region, many more if you include Oklahoma and Northern Mexico. These have very ancient spirit roots deep in the land. The more you learn the more you realize you don't know. Someone who travels by my side has to honor the differences and respect the differently sophisticated lives of my friends.
Are you independent with a respect for others independence? Do you have a youthful attitude combined with a sense of joy in the wisdom gained from growing older while staying forever young? Do you understand the necessity of prolonged silence as well as intense dialogue?
I want to meet someone who will, when asked, give me honest criticism of my writing & art as well as my behavior...
A multi-faceted enigma whose games are gentle and sweet as ripe mangoes dripping on my tongue? A work in progress who is in the never ending process of realizing her enormous potential?
One who lives near or far, a journey is a major part of a process. Athleticism is a plus but not necessary, I hike and bike some but still sport a little paunch. I like to go to the wilderness, could be on horseback; hot springs are the gift of creation!
Are your fears or phobias manageable? (Preferably not with pharmaceuticals but that is negotiable.) If you have a pill, cocaine or heroin issue, well, you know you need help. Seek it. Not from me.
Sorry to be repetitive but I get messages from people who are in denial about how they describe themselves in their profile. I am not interested in a relationship or meeting with anyone whose faith precludes any other system of belief. This means: those who subscribe to exclusive faiths such as any fundamentalist or emphatic Christianity (this includes Catholicism & Orthodoxy) or Islam or Zionist Judaism (even secular) do not interest me. Also cultists who believe I can be converted to their POV (this includes followers of Ayn Rand, Joseph Smith/Brigham Young, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, and L.Ron Hubbard. All delusional and dangerous) please do not waste either of our time. Those whose beliefs don't exclude the possiblity they might be wrong about their system are welcome. Sorry to have to put too blunt a message but I am tired of people who, when told I don't have the same system, are shocked by my apostasy. You are free to believe or practice whatever you choose of course; please don't try to convert me to your way of thinking. I am a devout Iconoclastic Catalyst, a Humanist of the Secular Persuasion. At the same time I support the individual search for truth and meaning as I respect the individual understanding of spirit. Thank you for understanding.
All that being said if a creative, intelligent, perspicacious, lively, witty, curious, honest, persevering, articulate, passionate, opinionated, quirky, intense, loyal, radiant and self reliant (not necessarily in that order) woman with her own interests and a sense of humour (she'll need one, I tell puns) appears magickally through this endeavor the better for me (us).
Other than that...Will you dance the Wild Rumpus with me?
I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will
drop frozen dead
from a bough
without ever having felt
sorry for itself.