I had a strange experience in high school. It was in the summer before leaving for exams and then college. The mood was relaxed and as such we were watching a video, in what should have been biology, about horrific accidents people had survived.

I was overheated and dehydrated but, being as insecure as I was then, I still had my fleece on (normally we'd be in uniform but I and several others had been to a nearby college for a bonus engineering course that morning).

I remember the image of a man with the forks of a rake lodged awkwardly across his face. Then I remember seeing someone collapsed on the floor and thinking to myself:
"Huh, sucks to be them. That poor guy just fainted in a class full of people..."

A moment later I realise that poor guy is me.
"...crap"
And my usual perspective resumes.

Fortunately I was too busy being fascinated by the experience to really care about the embarrassment (Though I do remember remaining on the floor for the rest of the video. I didn't want to attract any attention by moving back to my position on the chair).

In that moment of confusion I was me, but a stripped down version of me. A rare instance of my mind without any context beyond "observer".

It's stuck with me ever since.

As for who I am, well, I'm going to stop spending all my time looking for someone and start putting more energy into being someone worth finding. So really, I'm open to suggestions...

If I had to guess though, these are parts of me that I doubt will ever change:

- I love to learn about out how things work - physically, psychologically or philosophically, it's all good!

- I'm riddled with insecurities.

- I'm of the opinion that if you can't laugh at something then you're not dealing with it very well. Humour is one of the most important and most human coping mechanisms.

- Beyond allowing me to survive in the modern world and securing me a select few pivileges, money really isn't important to me.

- Cultivating and maintaining a life-long relationship with someone I feel profoundly connected to is by far my highest priority - and I believe it always should be.

- It took me 18 years to really find the deeper value of music and language, but now I'm there I don't expect to let go of it anytime soon!

- I'm happy with who I am. I have my fair share of flaws of course, but I'm willing to entertain the idea that they're not totally irredeemable.

I used to have a very clear idea of where I was heading. Studying physics at university was the academic goal, so physics and maths were pretty much necessary choices for A-level. I filled my remaining two slots with philosophy and religious studies (which had the intriguing focus of buddhism), so essentially as much philosophy as I could fit around the academic requirements for the degree.

Philosophy was by far the most rewarding but the academic side was always a joke to me (beyond my perfectionist streak forcing me to feel guilty over my half-decent grades regardless).

I've never been a fan of the point-scoring mentality of the current school system. In high school I'd hoped the freedom in college would fix the issue. In college I pinned my hopes on specialising in a preferred subject at university. I've just never been fond of the "production line" style of teaching, it didn't do anything for me.

Halfway through my first year at Cardiff university and I realised why: to be able to do anything passionately I need to have the freedom to do nothing at all. In effect, I need to be initiating my own learning, my own activities and deciding for myself what's "necessary" for me to know or do in order to accomplish what I'm really after and to be able to do it at the most efficient pace (which is more slow and methodical than I've been expected to go at all these years). There's such a rush in the education system that learning is forced to take a back seat to memory games.

Really, I'm just looking for a niche. Some humble lifestyle with a job I feel passionately about and a partner I feel thoroughly connected to.

Books:
I tend to read in bursts. If I get a good book handed to me I'll usually consume it pretty quickly, but then I won't read again for quite awhile; I'm a literary camel I guess.

As such I don't really have any extensive list of preferred authors, but anything from Terry Pratchett to Nietzsche will peak my interest.

Films:
Nostalgic ones like Labyrinth, Dark Crystal, The Princess Bride...

Thought provoking ones like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Brazil...

Funny ones like Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Forrest Gump, Young Frankenstein...

And of course a fair number of sci-fi and fantasy films like Star Wars (yes, all of them), Lord of the Rings, Serenity...

Music:
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/13248563723/standalone
(Apparently I can't actually listen to these anymore but the list is there regardless. There's always YouTube. I guess I'll have to find another website to replace this sometime...)

Food:
Not particularly fussy. English-style pancakes are a favourite though!

Games:
I mostly play RPGs or RTS and FPS types... so all the most abbreviated ones apparently *rolls eyes*

Really though, I see the games industry as having the same potential for story telling as any other media. It's just often tragically overlooked in favour of graphical shininess (At least in the mainstream anyway, exceptions are few and far between).

I'm not really into competitive gaming, just doesn't interest me.
Co-op is fun and sociable, single player can be more immersive... but competitive is too much like sport, I don't have that "need to prove that I'm better than other players" streak that a lot of other gamers seem to have.

[Assuming that "could never do without" clearly means "wouldn't be happy without" (and failing to sound anything but pretentious by pointing this out)]

Time to reflect on things.

Dissatisfaction (we stagnate without it)

Someone to connect to.

A reasonable standard of living in terms of home/food/community etc

Privacy.

The absence of overbearing responsibilities.

Given that my current status is somewhere between "adrift in a sea of mediocre possibilities" and "rummaging on the internet for something of value" I'm lucky if I even know what day it is; Friday really doesn't have any special significance to me right now.

If I did have a typical job, I'd probably spend my Friday nights relaxing at home. Probably gaming on my own, possibly having a nice chat with someone online.

My relationship history is so laughable that I haven't even had my first kiss yet. It really doesn't bother me.

It does bother me that people feel the need to preach how "you can't know what you really want until you've been through a few relationships". It's entirely possible to learn from the advice or experiences of others. Introspection also comes in handy on this one, given that knowing who you are is just as significant as knowing who they are.

Also, I'm willing to wait until I've established who the person is before I feel compelled to hurl myself into intimacy. Admittedly the insecurities probably help here - they're a fantastic filter against mediocre relationships.

In terms of friendship, I'll happily talk to anyone friendly and interesting!

In terms of a more profound connection... I'm mostly looking for someone to drag me out my ruts now and then. Sometimes I'll find myself standing in the sun, wondering to myself why I don't spend more time gently absorbing the Great Outdoors, or reading more in the way of good books, or doing something creative and wishing someone would inspire me to immerse myself in these things more. Someone with a passion for any of the above would be pretty healthy for me.

Basically, I'm not so much looking for someone to tick off a list of predetermined criteria; what I'm really looking for is someone to change me for the better ("to bring out the best in me", to use a trite phrase). A relationship where that's mutual would be the ideal - interdependence turns dependence into a support rather than a burden.

Sharing pet hates is often a good starting point for any kind of relationship, certainly on equal footing with shared interests, so here's a few things I *don't* like:

If you see flirting, groping-to-music-in-places-of-excessive-volume and sex as hobbies, we're fundamentally very different people and really don't have much hope of seeing eye to eye.

Having a negative knee-jerk reaction to the words "science" and "philosophy" is a bad sign.

Having an overly aggressive or indignant attitude (towards anything) always finds a way to annoy me more than most irritating behaviour.

People that often get stressed over mundane things tend to leave me feeling drained, I'm not sure I could cope with that long-term. Existential angst is preferrable, at least that's fun to discuss!

Thriving on an artificial appearance is also a very bad sign (that includes: make up, hair dye, lumps of metal embedded in flesh, tattoos... you get the idea). I *like* the natural look, it's the best kind of homely. But please note the word "thrive" - I'm not suggesting that I'll turn someone away simply because they're wearing lipstick and have their ears pierced. That would be silly.

But then, I find the whole act of dressing up to be equally silly. Especially when they then have the nerve to complain that people only care about their appearance. Essentially that's pretending to be someone you're not and then wondering why nobody knows the "real you"

Euck, now I feel like I'm preaching... (Unclean! Uncleeean!)

As a side note, I think the fact that the word "homely" is synonymous with "unattractive" in the US makes for an interesting commentary on the superficial nature of the culture in question. The word used to mean "of or belonging to home or household" which understandably became associated with a sense of "plain, unadorned, simple".

So, I can certainly see why it's become a dirty word since - I mean, who in their right mind would dare to leave the house looking as they would in the comfort of their own home? Don't you people have standards?!

*rolls eyes* To me though, "plain, unadorned, simple" is synonymous with "genuine" and only a small step away from "wholesome"