I may have fucked my life up flatter than hammered shit but I stand before you today beholden to no human cocksucker. And working a paying fuckin' gold claim.
What I’m doing with my life
I work in a call center doing blah blah blah for blah blah blah, if you've worked in a call center then you've seen the same dog and pony show under a different tent. Luckily for me my rainman-esque affinity for spreadsheets and troubleshooting spares me (and the patients) from being on the phone most of the time.
If you crossed Woody Allen with Sheldon Cooper and slapped a pair of tits on the result (nice tits, don't get me wrong) you'd have me... except I enjoy sex and with consenting adults. I'm possibly the most awkward person you've ever met.
I'm not even slightly religious and stringent Christianity squicks me right out. If you're looking for a traditional, god-fearing woman I am not her. I read tarot, try to treat plants and animals with respect, and eat organic whenever possible and then mock all of those things in myself and others. If that qualifies as a religion then I'm that.
I smoke (and don't plan on quitting soon), I don't drink often but I can drink you under the table when I do, I swear like a trucker, and I have an exquisitely dirty mind. I'm also one of those rare people that generally likes my life and who I am. When considering potential new friends and associates humor is the one main trait that catches my eye. If a guy can make me laugh he has my attention every time.
I’m really good at
Starting things I don't finish, singing, talking shit, binge watching nonsense on Netflix, and talking people off ledges.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm very blunt and honest, which can come across as harsh or overconfident to the point of arrogance but I'm really just awkward and have an unreliable filter between my brain and my mouth. In general I'm just not that good at playing games or kissing ass. When people who don't know me well get to know me they're usually strangely surprised to find out that I'm not the devil. Once I know someone well enough to feel comfortable my encyclopedic knowledge of porn, sexual deviance, and dirty things in general is on full display. For some reason, despite this, people generally like me. Not sure what that's all about but it seems to work.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
First and foremost I'm a music chick, good music for me is like a religious experience and Bob Dylan is my God. I love folk, 60's and 70's pop, psychedelic, and a random smattering of modernish stuff. I love The Beatles, The Eagles (fuck what The Dude thinks,) Elton John, Counting Crows, The Pogues, Lana Del Rey, The Decemberists, Mumford and Sons and Willam Belli. I'm always down to talk music, if I don't know what I'm talking about I'm more than happy to make it up as I go along.
I recently subscribed to Netflix after years of stealing everything online, the ethical implications started to get to me. I watch a lot of varied stuff, mostly cartoons (Rick and Morty, F is for Family, American Dad, etc) and pretty much any documentaries I can find on history, culture, psychology, or deviance.
I don't always have the attention span to sit down and watch a whole movie, but when I do I love B horror movies and the weirder the better: Teeth, Black Sheep, Thankskilling, that sort of thing. I do also enjoy more normal (ish) movies like Wristcutters: A Love Story, Sliding Doors, Rob Roy, Pulp Fiction, Tenacious D: Pick of Destiny, Baseketball, Cannibal: The Musical, Orgazmo, and other favorites.
As far as food, I will try almost anything once. The area where I live is pretty culturally bereft but when I venture out into the world I enjoy Indian, Thai, Greek, and any other ethnic cuisine that I get the opportunity to try. I'm mostly vegetarian because I like vegetables and it seems to work out that way but I also enjoy a good (rare) steak or burger from time to time.
The six things I could never do without
- My laptop- more than half full of music, also an obscene amount of pictures and games. If I'm without it for long I experience withdrawal symptoms.
- Cold Cream- it's awesome stuff in any situation
- Coco Puff- she's a shihtzu and she has superpowers.
- My iPod. I've had it since 2005 and it's still going strong.
- Weed. There, I said it.
- Hair ties- my hair is down to the waistband of my jeans at this point and it gets in my way.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What's next. I have a degree that I'm not currently using and this
town is just a little small for my taste, so within the next couple
years I see myself making some career and location changes.
On a typical Friday night I am
Usually hanging out with friends or spending the weekend with my boyfriend. He and I are together every other weekend so I'm pretty much off the grid during that time. My best friend and I have been having game night at her mother's kitchen table since we were 15 so on my free weekends I'm usually over there or she comes to my place.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I always pass on dudes who put pictures of their children on their dating site profile. It's super weird and creepy.
You should message me if
You can watch bizarre porn just for the lulz.
You find Evan Stone hypnotically creepy.
You're an anglophile and know who Malcolm Tucker is.
Scatt Bros' "Life at the Outpost" changed your life.
Any of this has piqued your curiosity.