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28 M Newmarket, NH

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 3:13pm
6′ 4″ (1.93m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Pisces, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Science / Engineering
Relationship Status
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs
English (Fluently), French (Okay), Spanish (Poorly), Sign Language (Poorly), LISP (Okay)

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My self-summary
I have a bunch of stuff that has been added to my profile at various times. Some things are out of order. It may not flow very well. It is a perfect representation of me. Oh look, a duck!

Two very important things you need to understand about me:
1) I am very sarcastic.
2) I am very, very sarcastic.

I'm also witty and punny. Some would say I'm pwitty phunny. Nobody would say I'm pwetty, hunny.

Other things you (really don't) need to know:
-I hate to travel
-I hate long walks on the beach
-I dislike piña coladas
-I love getting caught in the rain
-I am the exact opposite of laid back and down to earth
-I will have Baseball Roses in my wedding. If you don't like that then you won't be in my wedding.
-I'm broken; my feet smell and my nose runs
-I shower naked
-I'm a stand-up comic on the rise. I guess that makes me more of a crouching comic.
-Fish Boxer isn't just my OKC username; it is also my Twitter handle, Facebook page, phone number, email address, Xbox gamer tag, stage name, password for ALL THE THINGS, and soon to be my vanity plate. I even have a logo. I can't upload it here because I'm not in the photo.
-I've got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one. That's why I'm here. That being said, don't be a bitch.
-You have the world's best family/friends/pets/job/car/everything. I have the worst. I'm okay with that.
-And today will be better than yesterday

(If you get that last reference I already love you. We can get married tomorrow.)
What I’m doing with my life
By day I am a packaging engineer for a seafood company (thus the user name). By night I am a pub quiz (trivia) host. By dusk and dawn I am a superhero, but don't tell anyone.

I also tell jokes, microphone optional.
I’m really good at
-Thinking like an engineer even when the situation doesn't call for it.
-Making people laugh.
-Turning any situation awkward. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes by accident.
-Staying up way later than I should and still finding a way to function the next day. This usually involves various forms of caffeine.
-Entering and leaving conversations at the most awkward times
-That one sex thing that's all the rage these days. Yes, that.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm not crazy, I'm misunderstood.

I'm quiet, but when I talk I've been told it's usually pretty funny. Not to toot my own horn or anything. Oops, I just farted.

Or maybe it's my giant wang.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I don't read, watch, listen, or eat. Ever.
The six things I could never do without

Instead, how about 3 cheesy pickup lines we could all do without?

1) Do you like Cheez Whiz? Because I'd like to spread you all over this cracker.
2) Are you Swiss? Because I'd like to run my tongue all over your holes.
3) You must be part cheddar because all I can see is you melting on my meat.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I think it's adorable when people tell me "We need to find you a girlfriend." I mean, I appreciate the gesture and all but isn't need a strong word? I've spent over 90% of my life single and I think I turned out okay.

The right relationship will enrich the lives of the people involved, but simply being in a relationship does not mean your life is automatically better. If you approach life with the mentality that you need a relationship, you will settle for whoever is willing to settle with you. I would rather get to know everyone that comes into my life and, when there is mutual interest, decide to spend more time and energy with a special someone.

The single life is not an implication of loneliness, sadness, or emptiness. Having a significant other is not a cure for nor protection from loneliness, sadness, or emptiness in your life.
On a typical Friday night I am
Having hot, sweaty sex.

It still counts if it's with myself, right?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I am an axe murderer which apparently is not a very popular thing around these parts of the interwebz. Who knew?

But seriously, I am perhaps the most awkward person you will ever meet.

I mean, you know, assuming we meet. Also assuming you never meet my friend Will. Otherwise HE would be the most awkward person you ever meet.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 23–30
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
If you took my "Other things you need to know" list at face value please don't message me. We won't get along.

You're still here? Keep reading:

IM me sometime. I leave IM on because I like the functionality of it. Conversation flows better in real time than it does in back and forth messages. That being said, I usually will not initiate an IM because my experience has been too many of you don't like it but don't turn it off. Women are crazy. Don't deny it. Embrace it.

So long and thanks for all the fish.