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32 M Edmonton, Alberta, CA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 4:22am
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Atheism, and laughing about it
Taurus, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Sales / Marketing
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
My Hello, universe of OKC, it's Jared here, and I present to you the awesomest man available in the greater Edmonton area.

Welcome to the abridged, re-appropriated profile of me! Now with less rambling and more awesome (at least a 68% increase over previous iterations).

I'm here to look for a girl to spend time with have some fun, and hopefully figure out how far you want to go. To assist you in getting to know who I am, here are some overdone OKC profile questions you can read:
What I’m doing with my life
I work as a salesperson - which is a fancy way of saying I move things from one location to another. When I am not doing this, or sleeping, I am usually doing something on my computer.

You'll have to suffer the fact that I play video games, do lots of streaming and basically live and breathe the internet. This is a part of me that you're just going to have to accept.
I’m really good at
Evidently, people tell me I'm great at most things, but I think they're being polite, to tell you the truth. It would be better to explain what I am bad at:

Depth Perception
Distinguishing Smells and Tastes
Accepting Compliments
The first things people usually notice about me
I have a pretty young spirit, talk quickly and use a lot of words.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Media? This is a pretty long topic, so I'll just mention one of each (rather than the paragraphs of discographies and carefully archived selections that I see everywhere):

Book: Crime & Punishment
Movie: Army of Darkness
Show: Jesus it's been forever since I watched one of these
Music: Muse
Food: Tacos
The six things I could never do without
The beard.

Yes. It's all six of those things.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I spend way too much time thinking. Eventually the topics of my thought processes get too dilute and numerous to catalog here.
On a typical Friday night I am
Getting out of the house.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
*gleefully throws popcorn in his mouth*
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 23–33
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating
You should message me if
You should be interested in my culture, look adorable, and have a positive attitude. You should also be a smart cookie. Peanut butter is the best. I do not mind if you're a little quirky either.

I know most of y'all have a hard time messaging people on this site, but fret not, for I have a solution! If you like my profile and want to get to know me, but you don't quite know what to say or fear you might be a little too awkward, send me a message, just say "hi" or something - and I'll take care of the rest.

You should NOT message me if:
1) You are a man from Russia or Nigeria
2) If you are married, separated, or "just getting out of a bad relationship". I am serious. I will find out. Take some time, girl.
3) You are very clearly not ready, nor have the time for a relationship.
4) You are actually Nyarlathotep. Please, stop calling me. I told you - you cannot devour my soul.
5) If you feel you live in a world where "microaggressions" exist, we won't get along.