Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Please don't let the fact that I'm older than you be a deterrent.
I'm young at heart but an old soul. Most people my age start to get
boring. Please don't be boring. I don't want to be boring and you
shouldn't want to be boring either.
In bullet form, digestible style, here's some fun facts about
I don't leave people feeling threatened.
I own thirteen pairs of prescription glasses (including
sunglasses); it's a minor indulgence.
I live with PSD or a pretty small dog as he's sometimes
I'm kid tested, mom approved.
I use "I" a lot here but don't like to.
Sometimes I sell things on Etsy if that tells you anything about
If a day goes by where I'm not wrong about something, even if that
something is only noticed by me, I get worried.
It's not the first date that makes me nervous, it's the end of the
second date when it finally becomes apparent that there's no
I love playing Scrabble.
I like shiny, slick new-fangled things as well as weather beaten
I find crispy apples are more preferable to mushy, sweet
I fear that I may be a manic nihilist. If that's true, I hope you
catch me on one of my better days.
I enjoy cooking and entertaining.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Constantly working on the next big thing.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Catching your eye and piquing your attention.
I'm really good at making meals and writing letters. If you're into
being the recipient of both of those things, you just might be in
I have the uncanny ability to tell if somebody is from Brooklyn or
Manhattan simply by looking at their profile name.
Being able to talk to anybody and anything about anyone and
Thinking about ridiculous things but not always following through
Playing records for people on the radio. Really, it's not as easy
as it sounds because, well, you have to sound good doing it.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I'm a good conversationalist, but that doesn't mean you can
tell that by looking at me. So maybe that's the second or third
thing that people that notice. The jury is still out on the first
thing, but I imagine it would be something superficial.
Nobody has ever said that I'm dreamy. Just a hint if you want to
win me over. Go ahead. Tell me I'm dreamy.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
There's too many books to list but I tend to alternate between
non-fiction and various forms of fiction. A lot of the books I own
have pictures in them but that doesn't mean I'm not well read. If
there's a better thing to get in the mail than my subscription to
McSweeney's Quarterly, could you please tell 'em about it? I also
like to cleanse my mind in between heavy handed books with comic
books. A cleansing balance is good.
My record shelves are starting to bow a bit and it's bumming me
out. Will I do something about? Probably not for a long time.
I've been listening to the new Koes Barat LP a lot this week. Can
I like movies. All kinds: short, long, animated, horrifying,
anger-inducing, imaginative, fanciful and even those that are
primarily dialog driven.
I really like cooking. My one lamentation about my current living
situation is the absence of a gas stove. There really isn't a
comparison to electric. The only food I can categorically eliminate
from my palate is raisins. Raisins. Yuck. I have the ability to eat
from a plate, but when cooking for myself at home, a majority of
meals are eaten out of bowls. Process that info as you see
If you ever have the opportunity to ask me what my favorite olive
is, I would tell you that it's a good cerignola.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I'm not going to reduce important things to a checklist. You can't
play me like that, OKC.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why has OKC changed their photo format? Will you not see my witty
picture captions anymore?
And why does Time Out feel the need to frequently redo their
layout? Change isn't always good.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Getting pumped for something awesome within the next 48 hours.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Yeah, you caught me looking at your profile photos. Don't get me
wrong, I'm not just judging you on your appearance, but I'm looking
closely at your background surroundings too. Also, I'm looking at
your answers to the questions on sex. It's fascinating. Just being
honest here. So what are you going to do about it?
More and more "athletic apparel" is creeping into my wardrobe.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no jock but jogging and biking in your
boxers is a surefire way to create some uncomfortable bunching in
all the wrong places.
I grew up listening to Prairie Home Companion with my dad. Now I
regard Garrison Keillor as the devil, but not a cool version of the
I really like going to baseball games, but I really hate having to
sit through "God Bless America." Don't get me wrong, I like America
just fine, but I really don't give a rat's ass what God does with
it especially when rendered in song.
Also, I'm a pretty clean person but it takes me a
disproportionately long amount of time to put my laundry away.
Don't get me wrong, it gets put away, but I get easily distracted
in the process.
It's quite possible that I have a mild internet addiction. Don't
get me wrong, I'm not looking at copious amounts of porn, just high
end furniture that I'll never be able to afford.
Sometimes I like to turn my brain off and just watch Die Antwoord
videos. Don't get me wrong, I like a lot of different music, but
they sometimes have the cure for what ails me.
None of this is private, however.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You should message me if you don't have any bumper stickers on your
car. A decent taste in fashion and an appreciation of the absurd
will only garner you bonus points. Point deductions will be made
for an appreciation of renaissance faires, steampunking, the Dave
Mathews Band and use of the phrase "I love all kinds of music
except for (fill in the blank)." Point deductions will also be made
for self portrait photos that show off your phone.
If you think spending Monday shopping at Ocean State Job Lot sounds
like a good time.
If you think that going to Trader Joes's on a Saturday afternoon to
watch misbehaving children knock over the jam display while parents
try to ignore the whole scenario is fun.
You know the appropriate time for when snarky comments can be made
as well as when they shouldn't be. It's a delicate balance.
Deal breakers include the following:
Not bothering to pick up your bedroom/closet/laundry room if that's
where you decide to take your full body shot. I see the mess that
is your life and will deduct points appropriately.
Wearing sleeping pants to the supermarket.
Sweatpants that say anything on the butt, or any sweatpants for
that matter (I will however make an exception and award bonus
points if your sweatpants say either "post no bills" or "ask me how
to advertise here"). Use of the phrases "nom nom nom", "noms" or
"vegan noms"; it's food for adults, not strained peas for babies
that you should be eating if you want to hang out with me.
Making a duck face. Why do people pucker their lips in an
unflattering manner? What do they hope to achieve?
Not knowing your "your" from your "you're"s or even your
Please message me if you can articulate an argument against
anything I've said here. I'm open to negotiations, but you've got
to make a good argument. Few have tried and they all have
Also realize that I find the long form, essay portion of these
profiles to be more important than the multiple choice
If you can explain the current geek/nerd chic. When I was a
nerd/geek, I was ostracized on a regular basis. Glasses and digging
the new Dr. Who don't make you geeky, just trendy. Come back and
talk to me after being terrorized for not being "mainstream."
And here's another also: most women seem to think that flag burning
is more offensive than book burning despite the fact that flag
burning is an accepted way of disposing of old flags. If you can
articulate why you think that burning books is better than burning
flags, I'd love to have you explain that line of thinking to me.
We may match on percentile points according to OKC rules of
conduct, but those kind of binary questions don't really mean a
whole bunch. Like most tests, the essay portion counts more and has
greater weight than the multiple choice section. Telling me more
about yourself will tell me more than if you've checked off the
boxes for smoking and flag burning. Maybe these things make me too
picky, but I'm willing to stand by these statements, mainly because
I'm flexible on a lot of the survey questions here if you can make
a case for or against anything that checked off. Go ahead and try
And finally, if you're somebody who has time for bullshit, doesn't
believe in communication, is not laid back, likes games and drama
and hates children; please do get in touch, there's a rainbow
colored unicorn that I want to fix you up with.
ORRRRRrrrr.... you can just figure out by reading this whole thing
that I'm lonely and maybe you're lonely too. Let's be alone
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