Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You should message me if you don't have any bumper stickers on your
car. A decent taste in fashion and an appreciation of the absurd
will only garner you bonus points. Point deductions will be made
for an appreciation of renaissance faires, steampunking, the Dave
Mathews Band and use of the phrase "I love all kinds of music
except for (fill in the blank)." Point deductions will also be made
for self portrait photos that show off your phone.
If you think spending Monday shopping at Ocean State Job Lot sounds
like a good time.
If you think that going to Trader Joes's on a Saturday afternoon to
watch misbehaving children knock over the jam display while parents
try to ignore the whole scenario is fun.
You know the appropriate time for when snarky comments can be made
as well as when they shouldn't be. It's a delicate balance.
You don't care whether or not your toilet paper is over or under,
so long as you have some. nothing is more horrifying than realizing
that you're about to use the last three sheets and it's midnight
with all the stores closed. Seriously. Totally harrowing.
Deal breakers include the following:
Wearing sleeping pants to the supermarket.
Sweatpants that say anything on the butt, or any sweatpants for
that matter (I will however make an exception and award bonus
points if your sweatpants say either "post no bills" or "ask me how
to advertise here"). Use of the phrases "nom nom nom", "noms" or
"vegan noms"; it's food for adults, not strained peas for babies
that you should be eating if you want to hang out with me.
Making a duck face. Why do people pucker their lips in an
unflattering manner? What do they hope to achieve?
Not knowing your "your" from your "you're"s or even your
Please message me if you can articulate an argument against
anything I've said here. I'm open to negotiations, but you've got
to make a good argument. Few have tried and they all have
Also realize that I find the long form, essay portion of these
profiles to be more important than the multiple choice
If you can explain the current geek/nerd chic. When I was a
nerd/geek, I was ostracized on a regular basis. Glasses and digging
the new Dr. Who don't make you geeky, just trendy. Come back and
talk to me after being terrorized for not being "mainstream."
And here's another also: most women seem to think that flag burning
is more offensive than book burning despite the fact that flag
burning is an accepted way of disposing of old flags. If you can
articulate why you think that burning books is better than burning
flags, I'd love to have you explain that line of thinking to me.
And finally, please be fun. Really, it would be great if you were
We may match on percentile points according to OKC rules of
conduct, but those kind of binary questions don't really mean a
whole bunch. Like most tests, the essay portion counts more and has
greater weight than the multiple choice section. Telling me more
about yourself will tell me more than if you've checked off the
boxes for smoking and flag burning. Maybe these things make me too
picky, but I'm willing to stand by these statements, mainly because