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Flat-On-His-Face

36 M San Jose, CA

My Details

Last Online
Oct 20, 2013
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Pisces, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Working on university
Job
Technology
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Russian (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
I know the lyrics are awesome (feel free to keep sending the messages to say so, though—they're encouraging!) but if you really want to know about me, click on that "The Two of Us" tab up ↑ there ... and if it says "Y'all Got Issues" instead, you might just enjoy a laugh. UPDATE: Just scroll down to the part that I spend a lot of time thinking about and you'll understand me pretty well, I think. And now, on to the lyrics:

Remember how I found you there

Alone in your electric chair

I told you dirty jokes until you smiled

You were lonely for a man

I said: "Take me as I am

'Cuz you might enjoy some madness for awhile"

Now think of all the years you tried to

Find someone to satisfy you

I might be as crazy as you say

If I'm crazy than it's true

That it's all because of you

And you wouldn't want me any other way
What I’m doing with my life
Well I tried to make it Sunday

But I got so damned depressed

That I set my sights on Monday

And I got myself undressed

Now I ain't ready for the altar

But I do agree there's times

When a woman sure can

Be a friend of mine
I’m really good at
If I looked all over the world

And there's every type of girl

But your empty eyes

Seem to pass me by

Leave me dancing with myself

So let's sink another drink

'Cuz it'll give me time to think

If I had the chance

I'd ask the world to dance

And I'll be dancing with myself
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm only human

Of flesh and blood I'm made

Human

Born to make mistakes

(I am just a man)

Please forgive me
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Book: A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin; Movie: The Long Kiss Goodnight starring Geena Davis and Sammy Jackson; Music: A-Ha, ABBA, Aerosmith, Asia, Bad Company, Bananarama, Bangles, Beatles, Belinda Carlisle, Berlin, Billy Idol, Billy Joel, Billy Ocean, Blondie, Bon Jovi, Bonnie Tyler, Boston, Cars, Chicago, Cover Girls, Cranberries Cure, Cyndi Lauper, Dan Bern, David Bowie, Dead Or Alive, Def Leppard, Depeche Mode, Digital Underground, Don Henley Duran Duran, Echo & The Bunnymen, Electronic Elton John, Erasure, Exposé, Fixx Foreigner, Gloria Estefan, Go West, General Public, Go-Go's, Greg Kihn, Hall & Oates, Howard Jones, Huey Lewis, Human League, Information Society, INXS, J. Geils Band, Jets, Jody Watley, Journey, Karyn White, Kim Wylde, Kylie Minogue, Laura Branigan, Level 42, Linkin Park, Lisa Lisa, Madonna, Martika, Men Without Hats, Moody Blues, Neil Diamond, New Order, Night Ranger, No Doubt, Pat Benatar, Paula Abdul, Pebbles, Pet Shop Boys, Police, Proclaimers, Pointer Sisters, Q-Feel, Quarterflash, Red Hot Chili Peppers, REO Speedwagon, Robert Palmer, Rolling Stones, Roxette, Sheena Easton, Sheila E., Siouxie Sioux & The Banshees, Sisters Of Mercy, Smiths, Spandau Ballet, Stacey Q, Starship, Steve Perry, Styx, Taylor Dayne, Tears For Fears, 'Til Tuesday, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, T'Pau, U2, Whitney Houston, Wham!, Wang Chung, When In Rome, Will To Power, Wings, Yes; Food: Italian
The six things I could never do without
My friends wonder why I call you all the time, what can I say?

I don't feel the need to give such secrets away

You think maybe I need help, no, I know that I'm right

I'm just better off not listening to friends' advice

When they insist on knowing my bliss

I tell them this

When they want to know what the reason is

I only smile when I lie, then I tell them why:

(1) Because your kiss—your kiss is on my list

(2) Because your kiss—your kiss is on my list

(3) Because your kiss is on my list—of the best things in life

(4) Because your kiss—your kiss is on my list

(5) Because your kiss—your kiss I can't resist

(6) Because your kiss is what I miss—when I turn out the light
I spend a lot of time thinking about
This one’s for the ladies....

Carlos Sings Like the Wind

I brought my penis to class today
But don’t worry; I’ll keep it tucked away
This isn’t show-and-tell; it’s tell-and-tell
And here's something I’ve come to learn well

I talked to a lesbian bartender
who was both pretty and kind
I was a real ear-bender
but she didn’t seem to mind
Venting my thoughts and vexations,
complaints, musings, and frustrations
She delighted in our conversation
as it lacked sexual tension
‘Sorry she couldn’t help,’ she purred
But actually, she did, I assured
Keeping it inside wasn’t good for me
like someone who’ll truly heed
... and so pleasant to see
... with a lovely, radiant, beauty
Not to lead me on, that’s when she
wriggled her rainbow bracelet at me
I told her I knew already what it meant
I wasn’t hitting on her; ’twas a mere compliment

People are so reserved with saying nice things
It’s taboo, it’s uncultured, it’s stigmatized
The first reaction is: “What’s he want from me?”
when you say a lady has lovely eyes
So she puts the shields up, hides behind a disguise
and a poorly received compliment soon ruins further tries
Yet we’re all so quick to criticize, demoralize
The harsh words coming easier, getting the expected reaction
and society falls into morose dissatisfaction
Crassness and crudeness become commonplace
that a polite compliment and smile is now hard to face
You want to nervously avoid eye contact
like each eye is covered by a stye, cataract?
Crowd two million people into one county’s space
then try to avoid the human race
Aware of over-crowding, carping ’bout your “personal bubble”
Conjuring up bits of your delusions just to cause trouble
Provoking someone to invade your personal space
In order to smack that smug smirk off your face
And who would want to shun human contact?
I’d never sign that antisocial social contract
“Handshakes involve too much touching; let’s just fist bump”
“Sex is too personal; can’t we just cyber-hump?”

Point at your eyes to make it clear
when saying: “Excuse me, mister, I’m up here.”
Sorry, miss, I must’ve missed,
see, society says I can’t look in your face
but I’m looking at you, not some empty space
Your body isn’t just something that follows you around
You may be up there but you extend to the ground
Don’t tell me ‘I’m up here’ Who on Earth did
You think I was looking at?
I could gaze at your legs here and here's lookin' at you, kid
You ought to realize that
if your body wasn’t part of you, merely something you possessed,
you would just leave it at home when you went out — unless
you wanted to be noticed, there in your dress
There’s no double-standard here, I must confess,
I want to be recognized for something, if I may,
which is why
→ I brought my penis to class today.

I have a friend named Carlos (the world’s most common name)
don’t ask if it’s the one you know, he is — they’re all the same
This adorable nineteen-year-old man of the world
is troubled, feeling pain, because he wants a girl
and cannot find an approach, an opening, an in
He loves salsa dancing and sings like the wind
With a child’s soul and a man’s desire
to give himself up whole to passion’s fire
Speaks Spanish romantically yet alone he stands
because women don’t respond to the mating call of a man
so he’s convinced he can’t get one, cannot, though he’s Mexican
Or Columbian, Guadalajaran, or Puerto Rican
Girl, you can change his world, if you’d only take a chance
Ask this sweet guy for a spicy salsa, mamba, La Bamba dance
And whether there is to be or not to be romance
You just might like it but from now until the day you die
you’ll never know if you’re afraid to try
so grab hold of this guy when you catch his glance

I brought my penis to class today
and you even notice? No! But that’s okay
So you’re flawed — “Like, Oh My God!”
Perfection is unnatural anyway.

So there we have it: An entire society
based on a lack of community
And if you think I’m not right, then prove it to me
I don’t mind telling you, I’d rather not be
It’s not your fault, it’s the Puritan roots
dug into this country, rendering free thought moot
It’s a result of the Feminist Movement, ’63
that cost you your gender-ational identity
Got us walking around with our penis and vagina in our pants
Pretending they aren’t there
Can’t even scratch — gotta do the crotch-itch dance
to loosen errant underwear
Getting vehemently offended
when we are reminded
that we own sexual organs, women and men
As if that’s what the problem is or has ever been

A man cannot hit on a woman for she’ll face him,
mace him, and debase him or else have the police chase him
So if you are waiting for that guy to approach you
and he’s standing there like he ain’t got a clue
Clue in: You’re in for an awfully long wait
A possible date is not worth a possible court date
Put yourself in his shoes
and choose:
Pick her up at five-to-nine
Or do jail time of five-to-nine?
Getting kicked out of school, fired from a job,
a sex offender label, or mauled by a mob
The liberation of sexual freedom has swung the pendulum
too far in the opposite direction toward male-based sexual oppression
This is the legacy you inherit
Fortunately, there’s something you can do ’bout it
Don’t wait for him to come to you (those days are through)
it’s ladies’ choice to find your voice and beckon him to you
You need to be the change you wish to see in this nation
or it’s a United Police State of Masturbation
And it happens entirely too often
since my only mistake, by the way,
was committing a crime when
I brought my penis to class today

A salsa dance on Spanish Night
mere weeks ago in Mobius Hall
Carlos attended, dancing right
to socialize, friend to one and all
Outside, afterward, stood some girls he knew
kissed one on the cheek as he passed by
they made such a big deal of it, too
Thought I’d give it a try
Tonight, I found out she reported me to security
My God, little girl, how insecure can you be?
You were never in any danger
you may think me strange but you’re stranger
I was just going along with a running gag
you don’t need a gag-order; you’re enough of a drag
You ain’t all that; you simply represent
a product of your flawed environment
The United States has not caught up yet
to Latin America, Europe, the rest of the planet
No-one is so much of a bore when it comes to human contact
(and you’ll enjoy life more when you learn how to react)
That’s the crux of the issue: Custom says that’s the only response
But what can you do ’til the US hits its social Renaissance?

I brought my penis to class today
I don’t know why; guess it’s just a habit
yet, to haul it around every day
seems pointless since I don’t expect I'll use it

I’m not home here
This place is too weird
I’ve been a main-stayer
— not much of a player —
but when I return to the continent
I’ll get the girls with the eyes and the thighs
and the sighs — have ’em try me on for size
(unless they’re too Americanized)
because they fully realize
that life and love is a compromise
and alone they’ll be otherwise
Yet, they’re so totally hot — I tell no lies —
when you don’t eat fries with a side order of fries
and you walk everywhere, you need no exercise
That is where I need to go
where a woman is a woman and let’s a man treat her so
Buddy, he holds her, shapes her, bends her around his body
bodily, bawdy, and boldly, fleshy, sweaty, God he
lifts her up, thrusts her, spins her around
’til her head is spinning, heady, dizzily drowned
Girl, don’t tell me I objectify; it’s not misogynistic
I’m just here to testify; just bein’ realistic
You’ve objectified yourselves in anti-feminine stasis
with your cold, sterile, untouchable, automaton ways — this
ain’t you, I must object
You’re a sexual being — not a sexless object!
Your libido will be slain if you let it remain in restrain
That sexuality, actuality, fantasticality, energy in your hips
needs to work its way up through your starving brain
and out your sadistic, heuristic, fatalistic pursed, wet lips
And to show you that I mean what I say
I brought my penis to class today

A pretty young chick was talking to Plain Jane
about how some guy commented on the pretty girl’s frame
— he was in favor, or to say quite fond
The plain person could only respond
with intently squinted eyes “How creepy,”
to give understanding sympathy
The pretty one said it wasn’t creepy, just unexpected
I found myself thinking “What the heck did
you think she’d say, having no frame of reference?”
No-one’s hit on her; whether they’re too scared
or maybe she’s simply not their preference
And I thought about how she might’ve fared
So I said: “There’s nothing creepy about making a pass;
she’s lucky he didn’t just grab hold of her ass
and had pants on! For you must acknowledge
how frat boys act. This is college!
Sure, it’s community college but the UWB is exactly the same
It’s placid, stoic, lifeless, and tame
So too is the rest
of the so-called Great Northwest
But I don’t see what’s so great about it
Actually, I could hardly give a … care

I brought my penis to class today
but no-one cares, this town’s too dull
Tucked down in my sock all the way
so it chafes against my ankle

This is college! There should be naked people running in the halls
I want to shake my fists and pound on the walls
yelling “It’s 4 AM; turn down the music
in three hours, I have an exam in Civics”
even though it’s my dorm room, my party, my rave
These are your college years, don’t waste ’em here
I want to hit the East Coast; I want to misbehave
I’m tired of these tender sheep walking half-asleep
unaware of what it means to live
giving a fraction of what they’ve got to give

Is this your idea of a life?
Growing up on Tame Street
The American Dream: rushing to the stuffed-shirt slow-death
running out of steam before you stop to catch your breath
dating few and far between, avoiding too much or more
ever since you were a teen, afraid of being called “whore”
Tasting life one sip at a time, how will you ever know
what you want in a mate, will the Bible tell you so?
I hear high schoolers bandy about phrases like, “He cheated on me”
when there’s no cheating at all when you are both young and free
The only one cheating anything is you cheating yourself, I’d wage,
by expecting you were in an exclusive relationship at that age
The road this leads to ends with a cracked picket fence
because the unsowed oats reap a reek of defiance
Arguing about the dishes, income, all your exes
Call it Battle of the Sexes when sex is
the last thing going on in that house
and you can fight eternally with your pathetic spouse
Somehow becoming a father and a mother
when you never even ever touch each other
Raising some brat the world doesn’t need
so he goes all emo, pierces his face, smokes weed
Won’t get a job and yet he can’t pick his grades up
claiming he’s got issues and I just don’t get it
Try living in North Korea, Eastern Europe,
South Africa, or West of Hell, you little shit
Thank-you, NO! This isn’t what you want out of life
If you can’t be a girlfriend, you ought not be a wife
Marriage is but an unnatural end
when you are stuck too long with a single boyfriend
Get out now! Date it up! Find your desire
someone who you can get along with until you retire
Just because you go out doesn’t
mean you are in a relationship
There’s no reason commitment
should even enter into it
How can you become “boyfriend/girlfriend” until you’re aware
by casual dating who is right for you out there?
It’s a special bond that you just can’t rush
by saying “We’re together — hooray for us!”
That’s why “friend” makes up two-thirds
and the most important part of those two words

I brought my penis to class today
Don’t look at me like I’m some cad
because I have it on authority you’re much the same way
So for that, we should both be glad
I see, girl, that you brought your boobs with you
in a comfortable outfit, comfit brassiere
Picked out a nice way to display them two
before you brought them with you here
True statistic: The average American has one breast.
but the elite tend to hoard them from the rest
If you’re worried that some have so few
while others have so many,
don’t worry, girl, because you have two
and he hasn’t any
Trust me fully: Yours will suffice
self-conscious you may be, but he’ll think they’re nice
It doesn’t require some model-perfect look
if you want to know what’s gorgeous in my book
You needn’t deviate from the natural norm
we’re predisposed to appreciate the human form
Each expensive, luxurious accessory
and all the time-consuming make-up
may be great but they’ll never be
as hot as you are when you first wake up
Girl, if you think I’m casting this to a select few
and I don’t really mean you,
I do
→ You are precisely who I’m talking to

So if you take my advice and date away
you need to take control ’cuz he’s too timid
and be ready to play the part
But if you need a place to start
I brought my penis to class today
I know a lot of guys who did

― Flat-On-His-Face
On a typical Friday night I am
Well I'm so tired of losing

I've got nothing to do and all day to do it

Well I'd go out cruising

But I've no place to go

And all night to get there

Is it any wonder I'm not a criminal?

Is it any wonder I'm not in jail?

Is it any wonder I've got

Too much time on my hands?

It's ticking away with my sanity

I've got too much time on my hands

It's hard to believe such a calamity

I've got too much time on my hands

And it's ticking away

Ticking away from me
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
When I took you out I knew what you were all about

But when I did I didn't mean to turn you on

Now I bring you home you told me goodnight's not enough for you

I'm sorry baby I didn't mean to turn you on

No, I didn't mean to turn you on

You read me wrong I wasn't trying to lead you on

Not like you think I didn't mean to turn you on

I know you were expecting a one night stand

When I refused I knew you wouldn't understand

I told you twice I was only trying to be nice

Only trying to be nice

Ooh, I didn't mean to turn you on

Babe now why should I feel guilty 'cause I won't give

Guilty 'cause I won't give in?

I didn't mean to turn you on

Ooh, I didn't mean to turn you on
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 23–37
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating
You should message me if
Like to get to know you well

Like to get to know you well

Like to get to know you well

So we can be one—we can be one together

Together we can cast away the fear

Together we can wipe away the tear

Together we can strip down the barriers

And be one

Don't wanna talk about the weather

Don't wanna talk about the news

Just wanna get to the real you inside

Like to get to know you well

Like to get to know you well

Like to get to know you well

So we can be one—we can be one together

... And now, if you've checked the lyrics and read about "The Two of Us" (I added at least a little something to each response to give some significance to them and give you more of an understanding about who I am) and you still don't feel inclined to get with me, please indulge me: Honesty time! Send me a message to explain why. It can be terse ― no loss there, right? I can handle the criticism. But not contacting me at all tells me nothing and I cannot benefit from that. I don't bite and I won't ever write back if you don't want me to. I understand that sometimes a social site is an antisocial site.