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27 M Philadelphia, PA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 1:48pm
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Atheism, and laughing about it
Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I've been described as "a dichotomy between gentleman and jackass." Maybe not the most flattering statement, but I think it's a pretty honest assessment.

I think my sense of humor is my most prominent quality. I've got a solid streak of dry and sarcastic humor in me. Along with that, I can be a bit morbid and crude. Don't fret however! I've been told despite my kinda dark and mean-spirited sense of humor that I am quite endearing.

I adore comics and comics. You know, comedy and comic books. My dream job would be writing for one of these mediums. A few months ago I started performing stand-up at open mics, so that's a step in the right direction.

I regularly pay exorbitant late fees at the numerous libraries I visit. This is due mostly to my overly-ambitious collection of reading materials, music, and movies. No worries though! I imagine my "donations" will help me out with:
A. Impressing cute young librarians with my nonchalance in dropping mad bills
B. being recognized as a charitable patron when I'm inevitably homeless and use the library for shelter and bathroom facilities.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to turn being a sarcastic ass into a marketable job skill (See comedic aspirations).

Attending comedy shows and open-mics a bunch.

Also, I'm a Wawa overnight manager, which seems like the second most appropriate use of my English degree since I changed my mind about teaching.
I’m really good at
Writing jokes, telling stories, and being able to make light of everything.

Backhanded compliments and insulting people in conversation without them realizing it.


The first things people usually notice about me
That I'm making a terrible first impression.

I get rave reviews on my sideburns.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Some books: Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow, Life of Pi, Ishmael, Watchmen, Surrogates, A Song of Ice and Fire, The Hobbit, Oh... and most every comic book I can get my hands on.

Some flicks: Wet Hot American Summer, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Back to the Future, Wes Anderson flicks, Sleepwalk with Me, The Cornetto Trilogy.

Some programs: How I Met Your Mother, @Midnight, The Simpsons, Futurama, Brooklyn Nine Nine, Broad City, Girls, Parks and Rec, Community, Life and Times of Tim, Portlandia, Dr. Who.

Some tunes: Band of Horses, Fleet Foxes, Vampire Weekend, Arcade Fire, Sleigh Bells, The Dodos.

Some laughs: Hannibal Buress, Louis CK, Patton Oswalt, Kyle Kinane, Aziz Ansari, Tom Segura.
The six things I could never do without
- My imagination, ideas, and terrible stream of consciousness.
- A notebook for said thoughts and ideas.
- Funny friends.
- Friends who aren't funny (to be the butts of all the jokes).
- The awkwardness and generally amusing situations provided by everyday life.
-At least one of my hands
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Jokes. Lots and lots of jokes.

Whether or not it's taboo to message a girl on here inquiring about the cute friend who appears in half of her pictures. What's she going to say? "What is this a dating site?"

Whether or not I can get a refund for my degree.

I often worry about civilian causalities and property damage in comic books and action movies.
On a typical Friday night I am
You know, white people shit.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Once, on a camping trip, I woke up in the middle of the night and had to pee terribly, but it was pouring rain and cold out so I opted to hold it. I ended up peeing myself in my sleep, however the dampness ended up in the neutral zone of the air mattress I shared with my friend. I blamed him for peeing the bed and he just accepted it.

Stories about peeing yourself are good for dating sites, right?
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–32
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You're tired of waiting for me to message you.
Seriously, message me first if you're interested. I tend to over-think it and will take forever to draft an initial message.

You can make me laugh. A girl with a sense of humor I can click with, no contest!

You're not desperately searching to fill a void in your life.

You don't mind a guy who doesn't have it all figured out.