If you think you get me, or I get you. I'm still banking on the
hope that someone, somewhere, totally mutually gets it all with me.
This section is reserved for mental notes, pet peeves, and minor
confessions, occurring as a direct result of online dating.
Disclaimer: if any of the 'stories' below resemble my experience
with you, take it as a compliment, because you are helping me to
REALLY lower my standards.
1) I've been getting some pretty weird messages. Ahem. I am not
your intergalactic star queen. Nor will I engage in a fantasy with
you where we fall in love upon first email, and ride off into the
1b) The Generic Pretyped Message: I received one recently from a
guy, but what set this one a part from the rest was the fact that
he sent me the EXACT same message two weeks ago. Please, don't do
this. It can make an otherwise attractive and successful man look
lazy and insincere. That doesn't mean you are either, so don't
accidentally come across like it.
2) AND however flattering the offers have been, I do not want to be
your cougar. I'm not even old enough to be classified as a cougar!?
Am I?... Shit.
3) On a separate, but similar, note- I am realizing that I am
personally TERRIBLE at flirting via email. In that self-
deprecating, often misunderstood, over usage of emoticons, sort of
way. *winky face*
4) The LIKE button is not a bookmarks tab for later. This is not
Facebook. If you like me and I like you, that is the all clear to
send a message. I'm old school, and probably won't message you
5) If it starts to look like you aren't interested in an in person
meetup, I will drop you like last week's donuts. Who am I kidding,
I'll drop you like yesterday's donuts. Hmm, warm donuts.
6) Please, put your shirt on. And show up sober to a first (or any)
6b) Do not lie about your details.
You see, some women aren't shallow. Some women are turned on by
confidence, and integrity, more than your body shape or
7) Stop asking women who don't put full body pics up if they are
'catfishing' you? I am not catfishing anyone. Not to be confused
with catfish fisting. (I'm not doing that either). See examples on
8) "The Opposite of Catfishing, When Bad Online Profiles Lead to
9) The whole online dating experience is like one big social
experiment. Maybe you'll be the one, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll
have fun, maybe you'll learn a few tricks, maybe you'll find
yourself. If you go into it with the expectation that this is about
discovering what you want, and who you are, through various social
settings- I think you will come much closer to getting what you
want out of it. But- If you come into it thinking you'll find love,
well- you might be setting yourself, and your dates, up for
disappointment. Isn't it better to be pleasantly surprised?
I don't claim to have answers, or know how to do this right. If
anything, I've simply learned what doesn't work.