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23 Bentley, Australia Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–27
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Today – 2:53am
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Dropped out of space camp
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
My primary intention for using this website/application is to make new friends and find lovely people to chat with at peculiar hours. But it's also super cool to have cutesy little coffee dates, too. Now that that's out of the way with...

I tinker with various electronics from time to time, simply curious about how they work.
I have a tendency to break electronics while under the guise of "fixing" them.
I like to think that I make pretty good coffee. And a fucking amazing hot choccie.
I have zero patience for anyone moronic enough to think that Crossfit is efficient or does any good at all. Because it doesn't. You're just being a fucking idiot flailing helplessly.
I use the random functions on wikipedia and reddit, and have yet to learn that it's guaranteed to take me to some really fucked up stuff.
Pixar films do something downright awful to me.
Made in Australia. You can find $2 illegitimate imitations of myself at Target and Big W made by tiny Chinese or Indian children.
Coffee-brewer and corporate/consumer slut by day. Rocketeer/Designer by night.
Shoots in RAW. Exports in JPEG. Agonises over Facebook's compression algorithm.
I've had a fair share of misadventures which I totally do not regret in the slightest. Many of them are just plain strange and I still wonder just how I managed to land myself in them.
Should be kept as far away from real, functional rockets as possible.
50% centaur. 50% merperson. I've got the head of a fish and the backside of a horse. I think that's right.
I cannot stand internet culture or memes.
Barely lady-like. Lady-ly bear-like.
Basically a human-sized housecat.
The sort of guy who donates to Wikipedia and prefers to not wear pants.
Feminist. Humanist. Equal-rights-for-everyone sort of guy. Not a fucking misandrist, however. Because fuck that.
I have no gender: I am, instead, Supreme Overlord. Unfortunately, the state disagrees.
My worst character flaw is that I can only eat M&Ms in this particular order, one at a time: Red, Green, Orange, Brown, Yellow. I have no time for Blue.
I have a penchant for un-aliving things. And cocking blocks.
Not a good person but I'm trying to be, I guess.
Upbeat for beets. Actually I dislike beets a whole heap. They're evil.
The sassy gay friend who is actually, hilariously, straight.
The lonely bedfellow of Hashtagistan heritage.
A gelatinous blob of jealousy.
Vaccinated up the wazoo.
I am, of course, a creature of indulgence and impulse.
I'm here to make friends and chew bubblegum. And I'm all out of friends.
Dropped out of space camp. From orbit. At terminal velocity.
Fan of rapid, unplanned disassembly. Also from orbit.
If I could change my name to anything, it wouldn't be Sergei Nohomo. Though that'd still be amazing.
I don't have a fucking problem when it comes to sharing a fuck-load of vulgarity. For fucking realsies. <3

A cynical, sarcastic, and critical little shithead. Opinionated as fuck. I am persistently at a lack for words when it comes to people extolling the wonders and "benefits" of CrossFit. Yeah, no. That shit ain't safe, and it's inefficient as fuck if you're trying to reduce body fat, gain muscle, or improve general health and wellbeing.

Would you believe me if I said that I have this crazy story to tell involving an over-sized cucumber, a bottle of lube, and twenty-three rubber ducks of varying sizes?
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I expect to be a fully-fledged crazy cat lady by 32. Hopefully before that though, I'd have gone out and been wildly successful with starting a tiny company.
In my spare time I'm usually landing probes on planets and launching little green men into low Kerbin orbit.
I also get excited when the Steam icon flashes in my taskbar thinking someone is chatting with me, but really Steam just wants to update itself. :(
It is my mission in life to be every cat's best friend. So far, not so great.
My sole purpose in life is to act as a PO box for my bestie and her semi-frequent Bad Dragon deliveries.
Not being a morning person.
Dying from too much chocolate.
On Wheneversdays, usually Wednesdays, I play Cards Against Humanity with good friends. And sometimes on Saturday nights I play with the rabble. I think it is safe to say that my friends are sick fucks.
On the odd occasion, I manage my small business.
Volunteer for the Joomla UX team. Pretty neato.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Not too sure what to write here so here's a recipe for Pancakes instead.

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg
2 large eggs, at room temperature
1 1/4 cups milk, at room temperature
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, plus more as needed
Now to make it
In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and nutmeg.
In another bowl, beat the eggs and then whisk in the milk and vanilla.
Melt the butter in a large cast iron skillet or griddle over medium heat.
Whisk the butter into the milk mixture. Add the wet ingredients to the flour mixture, and whisk until a thick batter is just formed
Keeping the skillet at medium heat, ladle about 1/4 cup of the batter onto the skillet, to make a pancake. Make 1 or 2 more pancakes, taking care to keep them evenly spaced apart. Cook, until bubbles break the surface of the pancakes, and the undersides are golden brown, about 2 minutes. Flip with a spatula and cook about 1 minute more on the second side. Serve immediately or transfer to a platter and cover loosely with foil to keep warm. Repeat with the remaining batter, adding more butter to the skillet as needed.
Procedure for adding fruit to pancakes: Once the bubbles break the surface of the pancakes, scatter the surface with sliced or diced fruit, or chocolate chips, nuts, etc. Flip with a spatula and cook for 1 minute more, being careful not to burn toppings.

Oh! I know! I'm really good at maintaining dry spells. Haha. Hahaha. Ha. Terrific. And third-wheeling.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My deadly curves. Teehee.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books-wise, I've a few to mention. Much of them would be visual and graphic design books, with a few to do with fashion as well. They all offer a brilliant insight into the creative genius of people. I also read a few other publications, such as Monocle, The Manual, and Offscreen. I'm an avid reader of essays, too. Much of my favourite essays can be found in The Manual or The Thing About Jetpacks; you've probably read a few of those featured in TTAJ if you had read Fuck Jetpacks. Otherwise, my library has a bit of science fiction, which is a nice escape.
Kinda sorta related, I do subscribe to webcomics such as Oh Joy Sex Toy, OGLAF, and Questionable Content.

Movies, I've a massive range. Lately I've taken a liking to Tokyo Godfathers. American Pop. Iron Sky. American History X. Anything Tarantino, Nolan, or Burton. I find that I have a difficult time watching comedies such as Dumb and Dumber or mindless action films, though the likes of John Wick are oddly thrilling. The Devil Wears Prada is my all-time favourite film. Kung Fury is the tits.

Video: Kill la Kill. Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan. Space Dandy. Daria. Game of Thrones. Avatar: TLA and LOK. Sherlock. Doctor Who. Black Books. The IT Crowd. Fawlty Towers. Arrested Development. Firefly. Archer. Orange Is The New Black. Psycho-Pass. Sailor Moon. Masters of Sex.

Music. Sheesh, no idea where to start. I'll mention Lordi, but really, I've got about 1000 artists and bands to choose from in my library. A small list of artists just for you to peruse: Ben Folds. Duke Special. The Divine Comedy. Badly Drawn Boy. The American Analog Set. Guano Apes. Mindless Self Indulgence. I'm the biggest sucker for French Pop. Recently got hooked onto she. Pilot Speed. Housse de Racket. Zaz. Monarchy. French Horn Rebellion. Hurts. Marilyn Manson. Kaleida. Alysha Brilla. Jully Black. Huntress. Bozo Porno Circus.

Food? My diet primarily consists of the tears of my enemies, and the crushed hopes and dreams of young adults. And a gluttonous amount of Krispy Kreme donuts.

Games: Kerbal Fucking Space Program. Assorted War-themed Hat-wearing conga line simulators. Mother-fudging Cards Against Humanity. Fixing limp dick piece of shit drills in Payday 2. Expecting the age of the Spanish Dragon Inquisition. Shepherding Vakarians and Wrexing Tali. I also enjoy racing games. Will probably lose to you hilariously in anything Nintendo.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Comfortable shoes.
None pizza with left beef.
Sex toys.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.

No? Come on, it's hilarious. It's the default answer OkCupid gives. :(

Do spambots have a concept of mortality? What will they do when the internet dies? Do they have an urge to terminate themselves when they read comments on YouTube and Designer News?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Crashing. Repeatedly, often, and at the worst possible time imaginable. That's an Adobe Photoshop joke. It's funny. My humour is lost on you.

Listening to new music and guilty pleasures.
Building rockets, jets, satellites, and lunar rovers. Often unsuccessfully.
Screwing around in After Effects.
Retexturing game graphics.
Messing around with 3D meshes.
Sending positive messages to complete strangers, entirely anonymously. Just simple things like "You have awesome taste in things" and "I'll bet you're the sort of person people would talk to their grandkids about, because you left such a wonderful impression on them". Which is kinda weird I guess?
Not sending unsolicited dick pics.
A potato of the couch genus.
Installing software updates. And stressing over why machines won't start.
Meatspacing on
Unintentionally convincing my friends and workmates that I'm gay, when really I'm just really fucking fabulous for a cishet white scumlord.
Incapable of bearding a grow.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I still can't decide on what tattoo design I want, but I know that I want it to be visible only under a black light.

Also, I'm a bit of a fustercluck inside my head. I don't know what I want exactly. I know I'd like to lose some weight, get in shape, have a first relationship of any sort, you name it. I'm also going through mild not-doing-so-great phases, which I attribute to stress from work. Other times I'm just all "I just want to fuck with the world because that shit's entertaining as fuck".
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
... Assorted body parts glow blue when orcs are near?
... Bees?
... You're up all night to get lucky. Which comes in real handy at the casino, I'd assume.
... Eating out sounds better than slaving over a hot stove.
... You want to. But don't leave your friends behind. Unless your friends don't dance, in which case those friends of yours are no friends of mine.
... You feel dumber for having read the entire mess which is this incomprehensible profile.
... The Oxford Comma means something to you.
... booty call. or booty text. Or booty booty. daboodie. boopadoopabooty. shabadababooty. wopwopwapatootybapooty.

Go for it. I don't mind one bit.